Tuesday Dreaming

Like the many people who occasionally purchase that 'oh, why not ??' BIG money lottery ticket, I too, have visions of what I would do with a multitude of cha-ching in my pocket.

Pretty positive I'd be endlessly content and forever thrilled tucked away in a mountain cabin with my burnt orange T-bird by my side
and the miscellaneous such and such, forever on my 'some day' list ?
Yep.
That too.

My family would be pleasantly appreciative over the fact that they would be infinitely debt free
& those kind souls who have stood by my side through the years of thick and thin would be feeling the joy too.
I'd be a continual Santa Claus to one and all
Just because.
Because I love them.
Because I could

& when all was said and done and I STILL had a zillion pennies of extra change hanging around ?

Oh that's easy.
I'd give.

To charities.
To foundations.
To good causes.
To good people.

Ahhhh, Dreams.
Dreams.

Social media informs me that today, this day ! is #GivingTuesday
& I do believe I adore these next twenty-four hours.
Because Giving
&
Tuesday
just so happen to be two of my very favorite things !

YaY

& although I don't have a ton of gold to offer, I do have what I have
& the little bit of what I have will be going to that someone who needs it more than I
& that ?
Well, THAT just fills my heart with a whole bunch of happy.

Million dollar lottery winnings ?
oh yeah,
that would be Pretty. Darn. Nice.
But, I know of an even better place to live, to be.
It's called loving, giving and helping one another any which way we can.

#GivingTuesday
& Wednesday
& Thursday
andandand ...

Now, there's the perfect dream.

:)

I Am My Feelings

   

Socks

Repeated, with love ♥ and a whole lotta happy :)

- - - - - - - - -

I've never known anyone who woke up on Christmas morning to a brand spankin, shiny new, bright and beautiful, humongous bow on top, vehicle sitting in the driveway.

FOR MEEEEEEEEE ?????

Nope.
Not one.

But, from the deal ! Deal ! DEAL ! ! commercials that pop up this time every year, one would think THAT is the only gift worth giving.

um.
WRONG.

I mean, yeah.
If Santa is handing out cars, I'll take a burnt orange, 2005 Ford Thunderbird, thank you very much
& if not ?
Oh Well.
I am quite certain I will be just fine.

Socks.
I like socks.
Yep.
Really. Really.
Socks are one of my absolute, favorite gifts 
& something I am happily sure to receive every year.

YaY.

Socks.

It started off as a joke.

Mom.
Oh, Mom.
Now there was an expert Christmas shopper.
She seriously delighted in the hustle and bustle of it all.
Shop. shop and shop some more
& the 'just one more gift' for one would always, automatically just HAVE to turn into one more gift for every single body.
Every time.
All the time.
Gotta keep it even, ya know.
The gift counter might be counting.

Dad ?
Oh he'd be there too.
Driving Mom from Point A to Point B to Point C, D and E.
Helping wrap, cook, bake, prepare, package, write, deliver andandandandand
& everything else that comes along with Christmas doing.
They made quite the tag team, they did.

Somewhere in each and every Christmas season though, we'd hear the quiet voice of this extremely patient man say ...
"If it were up to me ? Socks. You'd allllll get socks."

HA. HA.
Oh, Dad.
You're so funny.

& then, THAT Christmas came along.
The one when we realized Mom would be with Jesus on His birthday from now on & we, her family, would have to find our way without.
Without.

No, it wasn't easy.
We CAN'T do this ! was our first impulse.
HOW CAN WE DO THIS ?!?
Mom is our backbone, our foundation.
No.
We can't possibly do.

But, somewhere within that heartache, that confusion, that walking around in a trance, that please, Please, PLEASE Come Back ...

Socks.
Along came socks.

Dad decided to get each and every single one of us socks for Christmas.
From children to grandchildren to great grandchildren to spouses and soon to be's.
Socks.
& just so he wouldn't be the only one with chilly feet, Big Sis gifted Dad some socks too.

Socks
They helped us through, they showed us how
& eleven Christmases later we sooooo know we'll get
& oh ! how we treasure our socks.

Hey Santa ?
Forget the burnt orange T-Bird.
From now until as long as possibly possible.
Socks, please.

:)

I Am My Feelings

It's Easy If You Try

I love the ambiance. 
Warm, cuddly, happy.
Everything feels so very right on a holiday morning.

I wish I could bottle up this emotion.
I would tuck it away in a special, little spot.
To have this vibe available during not so good times would be very helpful.
I could catch it's wonderful aroma and remind myself of just how perfect today is
& I would pass it around to anyone who needs a dose of cozy contentment.

Here you go friend.
Experience it again.

I often wonder why we don't feel this lovely sensation every beautiful day.
Where does it go ?
Why does it leave ?
I don't know about you but, I really wouldn't mind if it just hunkered down and moved in.
I could use that daily kick in the butt reminder.

Hey !!
Wake up !
Life is an incredible, wonderful privilege.

Realize it.
Embrace it.
Enjoy it.
Live it.
Be humbled by it.

Oh Happy Holiday Feeling, this time, will you stay ?
Please ?

Please, stay.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Home

The question was "WHY ?!?"
Spoken with astonished wonder by a man who once resided in my town.

Why do you continue to live there ? 
Why would you want to stay in that place when you could live happily forever in warmth and sunshine ?!?
Why ?
WHY ?
WHY ?????

My answer ?
Because it's home
& I love this spot on the map that I call Home.

Yes, it's true.
There is a season called Winter here
& it does get pretty darn cold
& yep, the white stuff that falls from the clouds can be mighty frustrating.
But, cold and slippery cannot hide Winter's pretty
& Winter, to me at least, is an awesomely beautiful season.

Ahhhh Seasons.
The changing of the seasons.
That's why I stay.
Spring to Summer to Autumn to Winter.
I love them all.

Then there's the fact that I was born and raised here
& I like it.
I like the people.
The places.
The this and the thats.
I like everything about this not so little, little town.
It's cozy and happy and just plain nice.
I'm guessing that's why I stay too

& family.
My family has lived in these parts for as long as I have lived on Earth.
Dad and Big Bro continue to hunker down in the very best house ever built.
My childhood is encased within those walls
& although a bunch of our clan now live here, there and everywhere, sooner or later they all come back to rediscover the joy.

Ahhhh, Home.

Yep.
I stay
& I'll continue to stay.
I'll do vacations and jaunts and happy little visits to the land of other places and I will blissfully enjoy all my minutes there but, I'll always, ALWAYS come back to here.
Because here is home
& there really, truly, absolutely is no place like home.

Home. Sweet. Home.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Yep You

I was given a reminder last night.

I had one of those very vivid, very crowded dreams
& you were in it.

Yep.
You.

I was on my recliner all nice and cozy.
There was a knock on the door.
I yelled to whoever was outside, "nooooooooo ...!... don't make me move ...!..."
The knocking continued.
I grumpily got up to see who was there.
It was a slow walk, like I was stuck in some sort of goop
& I was almost to the door, when it swung open.
A group of people stood in front of me.
I knew them all.
uh
Hello.
Everyone said "come on ! come on ! it's time to go !" to which I replied, "No ! I need to stay in my chair !"
My friendly crowd grabbed me anyway.
They took me out to the street.
Lines and lines of faces were gathered.
My peeps were carrying me at this point, a mosh pit carry
& I could actually feel the force of their confident push forward.
They told me others were waiting for me.
They said I had to give a speech.
At that point, I panicked because I don't do speeches.
I shouted "I've never done this before ! I don't know what to do !"
Those awesome souls, who were still enthusiastically holding me, each took a turn whispering "You Can "

& then I woke up.

Truth be told, I was in a mild freak when I came out of my dream
& boy, am I glad I don't have to publicly speak today.
whew.
But, now that I've had a cup of coffee, I know I received a memo.
A memo to Thank You.

Yep.
You.
You who are reading these words of mine.
Whether you are a newbie or have been with me for the long haul, YOU were carrying me.
Thank you for reminding me that I can
and for the zillion of things you continually do to lift me up again and again
& yet again.

um
errrr

I just have one, teeny tiny, itsy bitsy request of you though
pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease
don't make me give a speech.

eek.

:)

I Am My Feelings

'twas Lovely

So.
Yeah.

I'm sitting here in the early morning hours, riding on the very edge of bummer.
Those Chicago Bears lost again yesterday
& nothing personal but, we all know where my heart and brain would rather be right now.

waaaa

& I could soooooo easily go there and wallow for a while but, nope.
Nope.
Not this time.
Why ?
Because my yesterday was jam packed with such an incredible amount of lovely that I'm finding it near impossible to ignore.
I must acknowledge.

! ! ! ! !

Like the absolute craziness of hunkering down for a freezing cold tailgate.
I'm telling you, there's no other feeling like it.
Hoping the ten layers of bundle will be enough to withstand the hours outside
& if not ?
Here's another blanket, just in case.

Grills blazing.
Music blaring.
Smiles and friendliness & many the merriment flowing.
The camaraderie that surrounds a pregame is enough to get the blood pumping and that heart warmed in no time.

Happiness.
It's happiness.

& then, there's the game.
Our National Anthem sung by a most beautiful voice.
Our United States of America flag draped across the field by happy volunteers.
The intros, the fireworks.
The high fives and We've Got This !!! feeling.
& golly !! how I love that third quarter, standing ovation, thundering applause recognition for our proud to be an American Service Member.
This is US at our finest, folks !

The ' hang on, we'll get them next time' sincere glance from that nice greeter lady who stands near the steps.
The walking back to the car explaining of why I shouldn't jump off the Bears Bus conversation by a football knowing guy.
The warmth of that heater heading home.
The tipping back of my cozy recliner when all was said and done.

ahhhhhh.

& today ?
I'm right now witnessing yet another fantastic sunrise.
A perfect cup of coffee awaits
& and a bright, sunshiny soul that I refer to as Sister, texts me this ...

 Yep.

The Chicago Bears lost yesterday.
I'm kinda, sorta thinking I'll survive.

:)

I Am My Feelings
    

The Stillness

Nephew and I were standing in complete, perfect awe on the top of Pikes Peak when the words were spoken
& as we drove down that amazing mountain he suggested my next poem should be titled, should be written about our experience and those four syllables
& I thought,
hmmmm

hmmmm

And there those future lyrics sit, since August, on that back burner in my brain.
Two entire pages of my Barry Manilow notebook filled with scribbles and lines.
Expressions that have popped up and chimed in with their 'hurry ! hurry ! enter me before you forget !' gentle panic.
Like an impossible jigsaw puzzle, all bunched up and cluttered, those random rhymes and miscellaneous this and that's patiently wait for their day to enter this world
& they will.
When the time is right, they so will.

One of my favorite inspirations from my forever obsession, Rainer Maria Rilke, reads ...

"I must wait in the stillness for the sounding. I know if I force it, it will not come at all."

& yep.
That's exactly how it feels.

I know those mumbled, jumbled letters will all come together one day.
I'll know, they'll know when it's their turn.
I'll lock myself away, spend hours and many pieces of paper unscrambling the scramble,
I'll emerge with a proud !! TA DA !!
& I will send my new creation out into the universe.

Some will read, some may not but, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter.
These writings I bring to life, the joy, the comfort they offer when all is said and done and I realize 'hey! that's pretty good !' ?
Yeah.
It is Pretty. Darn. Awesome.

& if they just so happen to brighten up your life too ?
Well, wee.
It's alllllll good !

Four simple words quietly anticipate.
Brought to me, you, us by the glorious glee of a mountain top.
I can't wait for their birth.

:)

I Am My Feelings