Rejuvenated

You know I like to keep it positive around here, right ?
Well, truth be told, some days it sure ain't easy.

Some days, I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.
There's this thing called Negative and it's everywhere.
Every. Where.

The local and national news thrive on it.
Social media adores it.
The radio guy needs to tell me about it.
The gal at the store repeats it ...
& sometimes, some days it feels like Negative follows me around.
Poking, prodding, testing, trying.
Confidently determined to break me.

Welp.
I really hate to admit this but, last night Negative won.
I finally howled "UNCLE"
Yep.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I found the nearest blanket, covered my head, called it a day and succumbed to it all.

IgiveIgiveIgiveIgiveIgive.
You win Negative.
I am DONE.

done.

But, that was last night
& THIS is a brand new today.

I escorted Negative right out my door this morning with a powerful push and an equally determined  "don't come back !"

You may bend me but, you will never break me Negative
& you will never, ever, EVER win.
Not in my world.
Nope.

Positive resides in me
& it's amazing what a good cry and a wonderful night's sleep does for the soul
I am rejuvenated is what I am.

So bring it, Negative.
Show me what you've got.
Poke, prod, test and try.
Do it
& do it again
& again
& again.
Get it out of your system if you must, because I am confidently focused
& I am Completely, Positively Happy

& on those days when it feels like I'm fighting a losing battle against this negative swaying world of ours ?
I will keep chuggin out the bright side anyways
& as promised, I will forever keep it positive around me.
Here.

So believe me when I say ...
Today is going to be a very, VERY good day.

Oh. Yes. It. Is.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Show Me

I've been trying to figure out a way to write this without sounding whiny or preachy.
I decided to just tell it like it is.

Stuff happens.
In my life, in your life, in everybody's life.

There's good.
There's bad.
There's ugly
 &
There is beautiful.
Every single body has some kind of something going on.

We all have a story.
& today, I'd like to share a page out of mine.

I had an especially bad moment in December of 2013.
It came at a time when a lot of bad moments seemed to be following me around.
But, this moment was the straw that broke me.
I'd  had enough.
I could not take anymore.

I was alone at the time.
I sat in my room crumbled up and crying.
Ican'tdothisIcan'tdothisIcan'tdothis rumbled through my head.
I am done.
I am SO done.

The autopilot in my brain clicked on.
It guided me to the nook where my Bible sits.
Like a zombie, I grabbed that book and held on.
After a long while, I opened it, glanced down
& what I read became etched into my brain.

"I will instruct you and show you the way you should walk"

Bam.

Those were the most beautiful words I had ever read.
They still are.

"I will instruct you and show you the way you should walk."

Worry stopped right then and there.
No matter what happened next, I knew I would be ok.

It was a definite 'everything changed inside of me' day.
& I've been instructed and shown how to walk ever since.

Those wonderful words.

They didn't make the stuff go away.
Nope.
Not at all.
Stuff still happens, all the time.
The good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.
It's all still here.
It's  Life
& I am very much loving it because I see things, I handle things differently now.
I trust.

I. Trust.

"I will instruct you and show you the way you should walk."

Yep.

I do believe I will keep on walking.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Eyeballs

As many of you know, I have been happily chugging along with this dream of mine for awhile now.
Words pop into my head.
I write the words down.
I place them here.

I have created many a poem, children's story and yes ...these rambly, rambling thoughts
& it's all good.
I plan on following this road to wherever it leads.

Occasionally, I come across some fine people I like to call my doubters.
"You're stillllll writing ?!??? "

Uh, Yep. 

There was a time when the pessimists really bothered me.
I'd make up silly excuses, babble some kind of something and hurriedly change the subject.

They don't bother me anymore.
Nope.
I made a promise to myself to follow my heart and I am not looking back.

I'm searching for eyeballs, is what I am doing.
Wonderfully optimistic eyeballs who see things like I see things.
I know those eyeballs are out there, everywhere
& together we can, will change the world.

So to all my fellow dreamers, I'd like to say ...
Keep following your heart.
Keep believing your dream
& never, ever stop seeking those hopeful, encouraging, beautiful eyeballs.

And to the gloomy doomies out there ...??
I wish you a very, very nice day.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

:)


I Am My Feelings

Start With a Smile

I've seen her many, many times on the daily walks I walk.
She carries herself like a queen.
An Egyptian Queen.
Slow, steady, elegantly proper.
She wears a scarf around her head, always
& she is forever mysteriously hidden behind oversized sunglasses.

When our paths first crossed I could tell she was sizing me up.
That sideways glance, even with those sunglasses, was noticeable
& I felt her uncomfortable disdain.
This Egyptian Queen, looking at her servant.
Be gone, peasant.

I handed her a smile anyways.

Days, months passed and we continued our dance.
She looking my way, me looking hers.
Every once in awhile she'd offer a smirky sort of smile in return.
Like I had become a jester of sorts with my orange tennies and goofy grin.
I amused the Queen.
I'm allowed an audience.

One day, out of nowhere, she smiled at me when I smiled at her
& I thought YaY.
There is a person behind that tough cookie to crack exterior.

She and I have come a long way.
When we see each other these days she offers a genuine, happy to see me hello and a beaming face.
The scarf is gone, except on cold days and her sunglasses depend on the clouds.

I know nothing about this woman.
She knows nothing about me
& yet it's funny how a friendship can begin by a sideways glance and a determined smile.

Walking around a nature trail, underneath the same trees and sky.
Enjoying the sights, the sounds.
The little joys of life. 
Seems this Egyptian Queen and I have something in common after all.

:)

I Am My Feelings

 

Hello Pleasant

I'm staring at my laptop this morning
& I'm thinking I've got no words in my head.
None.

Instead, I'm hinging on letting the negatives get hold of my brain.
Why ?
I suppose because there are a lot of negatives out there in this world
& some days I feel them everywhere.
Like a annoying insect.
I keep swatting those darn pessimistic pessimists away but, they insist on coming back.

I think they like me.
grrrrr.

So.
Instead of allowing these unpleasantries to surround me, I'm going to change my mind channel.
I'd rather think happy.

Like how I love having my windows opened.
I have patiently waited out Winter and a not so springy Spring for a perfect open window day
& I'm thinking today is that day.
Bring on the scents of outside, please.
Grills, fresh cut grass, flowers and all those million other lovely things ...
Oh, how I've missed you !

awwww.

And those chattering birds.
There are so many sing songy conversations happening in my backyard at this moment
& I'm loving it.
Beautiful daily music.
Makes me wonder what it would be like to wake up every morning and just start singing
& then sing throughout the day just because I have a song.

Sounds Heavenly

& the sunrise ?
Yep.
That too.
It was awesome.
It always is.

The green of the grass.
The blue of the sky.
Even those little yellow flowers that are popping up throughout my yard.
Some call them weeds.
I call them pretty.

Yep.
It's all good.
Really, really good.
& yep
I do believe I've batted off those annoying, pesty gloomies once again.

YaY.

I'm so glad I found words inside my head.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Keep Chugging

I'm not a fan of expressway driving.
The more cars around me, the more I dislike
& I'll instantly tense up with a big ol YIKES ! THERE'S TOO MANY CARS AROUND ME.

But if I must, I'll do
& this past weekend, I did.

So.
I planned to get an early start.
Figured the earlier I headed out, the less people there would be on this busy road I must travel
& I had not checked with my weather peeps but, last I was told it was supposed to be cold.
No moisture.
Just cold.

Sweet.

I woke up all confident.
It's early.
It's cold.
Nobody will be on that highway but, ME.
My of my what a GREAT plan !
& then ...
I looked out the window.

Snow.
Or at least I thought it was snow.
When I stepped outside I discovered it was crunchy chunks
& when I decided to take a chance and drive on it anyway, I found out how it feels to maneuver a vehicle on an ice skating rink
& that's when my panic really set in.
Who knew a jaunt around the block could be so frightening ?

Plan B.
Wait awhile.
The ice will surely melt once the sun comes out.
I'll just have to deal with the busy road being busy.
I can deal

& that busy road was busy.
So busy we were backed up for miles.
Seems the ice patches weren't melting as quickly as we all thought they would and the snow plows with their sprayings of salt were having difficulty keep up.
Lucky for me I was privy to the truck driver's conversations thanks to that handy, dandy CB radio.
I knew which lane I should be in, I knew how many miles we were backed up, I knew not to bother with the side roads because they were worse.
All explained to me in a very colorful way, I might add.
!%###$!@#!

What should have taken me 45 minutes to travel, took an hour and a half but, there was really nothing I could do.
Don't panic.
Keep chugging.
That's what I kept telling Me.

Eventually, the first bout of clogged traffic broke up and normal speed limits began.
By this time, the sun had done it's thing and the ice was no longer a factor.
My fellow travelers and I were finding our own little grooves when Obstacle #2 appeared.
We were Dead Stopped.
Again.

Seems a plow had fallen off of a snow plow.
Or at least that's what the Truckers told me.
What are the chances ?
& now we were stalled waiting on a tow truck to pick up a fallen plow.
OY.

Now at this point, I began to think the Universe was trying to tell me something.
Maybe I SHOULD just head back home ?
Maybe I'm meant to do something else today ...?
Maybe ...?

Nope.
Don't panic, I said to Me.
Keep Chugging.

& so, I did.

Not too many miles after the fallen snow plow incident is where the third STOP EVERYTHING occurred.
A semi was flipped over in the grass between the north and south highways.
Packages, boxes, STUFF was everywhere.
The truckers did not know if the driver of the semi survived
& that's when I thought ...ya know ... all these people in their cars don't really bother me anymore.
We were all  just trying to get to our somewhere.

Took me awhile but, I made it to my destination
& it didn't take me long to discover I had made the right choice.
Turns out my Saturday was full of laughter, love and a whole lotta fun.

My lesson was learned.

Don't panic.
Keep Chugging.

Slow and steady will always, ALWAYS win that race.

YaY.

:)

I Am My Feelings

He Chooses

Sometimes, most times, it's just the two of us.
Him walking one way.
Me walking the other.
We call each other nuts for being outside but, the colder the day, the more we just bundle up
& we giggle at each other each time our paths cross.

"I KNEW it was you under there !" he laughs, as he peeks beyond my hood, scarf and sunglasses
& he knows I will stop to talk because we always do.
For months now, we do.
It's funny though, all the times we have huddled in the brrrrr, we've yet to exchange names.
He's just the friendly man with the big grin that I see on my walks.

Some people are just so darn pleasant
& my pal in the park is one of those people.
Always smiling, always thrilled to be there.
He's quite a few years older than me and it's not all that easy for him to make it around the 2.2 mile trail.
But, he does.
Ever so slowly, he does
& every time I see his happy face I think, 'he chooses'.

Nobody is forcing this man to come out to our park on the coldest of days.
He chooses to be there
& nowhere is it written that he has to walk the 'big' trail.
He could easily stay on the smaller path.
But, he chooses
& nothing says that he has to look my way or acknowledge my presence.
He just chooses to smile and talk and be nice to another human being who happens to be there too.

He chooses
& he brightens my days with the choices he's made.
I can only hope I do the same for him.

If given the choice
& we all are given a choice, take this lesson from my always jolly, good decision making friend ...

Choose nice.
Choose smiles.
Choose going that extra mile.

Choose Happy.
Because I guarantee if you choose to be, you will.

:)

I Am My Feelings