Love, Lorraine

I think I've made it quite obvious that I am a true blue believer of signs.
Signs from loved ones.
Signs from the universe.
Signs that all is ok with this world.

Signs, signs everywhere a sign.

But, I'll bet you didn't know that I'm a greeting card hoarder.
It's true.
I don't know what it is about folded cardboard from Hallmark.
I can't throw out.
I can't recycle.
Something inside just makes me keep.
And so, I keep.

But since 2016 is THE year of clearing out every single bit of unnecessary everything in this house, I have decided my greeting cards must go.
sniffle

Luckily, I have a volunteering friend who knows stuff.
This awesome person has informed me that there is an organization who would gladly accept my overabundance of greetings.
All I have to do is tear off the picture part, box them up and mail them in.
How simple is that ?!?
Organization is happy.
I'm happy.
Done.

I am so excited about my greeting card compromise that I gleefully mention it to Dad.
Dad says he believes he has a few dozen cards hanging around his house too.
Would I mind if he threw them into my box ?
"Throw them in !!" I say.
We are doing our part for humankind !
YaY US

So.
Dad gets busy with the sorting
& most of his cards are like most of mine.
Birthday, Christmas, an occasional ' HI, what's up?'
Cool.

& then
A plain white envelope with his name, her handwriting appears.
It's a Thank You card.
From a wife to her husband.
Seems they went somewhere, or he did something, or they shared a moment.
Dad doesn't recall the occasion.
But whatever the moment, Mom took the time out of her busyness to give my father a thank you
& that card has stayed tenderly tucked away amongst the many other greeting cards until Dad found it last week.

"Love, Lorraine"

Talk about a sign.

Signs.

They are everywhere, anywhere.
They are all the time and just because.

Love soooooo continues.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Googled

I'm pretty sure I have said this one million times but, here's one more.
Just in case.

Google.
I am obsessed with Google.

It's true.

It's because I have questions.
Lots and lots and lots of questions
& thankfully, Google has every single one my answers.

You know how Google has that little area that says 'View Search History' ?
Well, I looked yesterday
& I have to tell you, my searching is quite impressive
& actually very revealing.

I mean personality revealing, people.
Stop those naughty thoughts right now.

& I've never deleted my Google search history.
Ever.
Should I ?
hmmmmm.
I don't think I will.
Every so often, I need that stroll down memory lane.
It's just for the heck of it refreshing.

Truth be told, most of my googling is definition checking, proper wording of words and spelling.
You know, the good stuff.
It's because I have a typographical error pet peeve that I am trying to overcome.
Typos mess with my brain
& until I conquer this disease, I must double check my double checking.
I must.

I sometimes wonder if Google will boot me off if I ask too many questions.
I have this feeling there are Google talliers amongst us, counting my queries.
I fear one day they will track me down and holler at me.
"YOU !! have EXCEEDED your googling limit missy. No more. NO MORE."

yikes

& I absolutely love how Google tries to guess what I'm wondering.
It's like a super crazy game of charades.

Every time I start typing my inquiry, I picture these little Google smarty brains throwing ideas around.
"She's referring to this "
"No ! No ! She's alluding to that ...!"
As desperation sets in, they toss out some last minute "maybe she means this...!..." suggestions.
Until finally, sadly, the little smarties just can't figure out what I'm talking about and give up on me.

No worries little Googlies, it was my typographical error that caused your confusion.
You'll get it right next time.

I don't know how in the world I ever functioned without Google in my life.
My mistakes are corrected, my questions are answered, my ponders are explained.
Google fills my brain with ' golly, I didn't know that !" knowledge.

I once googled Google to find out why it's called Google
&
now I know.
YaY.

I thank you, Google.
Your infinite wisdom continually amazes me
& without you, I don't know how in the world I would survive.

I'd have to Google it.

:)

I Am My Feelings

It's Windy

I made it back to my walking trail yesterday.
YaY
& yep, it was pretty darn chilly out there but, soooooo worth the layering up.
That quiet stillness gets me every time.

ahhhhhhhh.

Before I can get to my favorite portion of the park though, I must walk parallel to a busy road
& since I am a counterclockwise walker, this means the people waiting for the intersection stop light have the opportunity to watch me stride by, if they so choose
& normally, I think ... whatever.
If you enjoy watching the trail activity, so be it.
I know that's what I do when I'm waiting on that light.

Every so often, the wind decides to do it's swirly whirly thing and this busier part of my walk becomes a wind tunnel.
A very strenuous, I'm walking smack dab into the wind, wind tunnel.
Yesterday was one of those days.

So it's windy in the wind tunnel
& it's colder than I'd like it to be
& I'm thinking .. ok ... maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.
Brrrrr
& I've got this lineup of people in their nice warm cars looking at the crazy lady walking in the cold, cold, cold ...
But, I kept walking.
Figured, I'm here.
Might as well go for it.

So I walkwalkwalkwalk
& yeah, it was brr. brr. brr. brrrrrrrrrr
& at this point, I'm agreeing with my audience ...yep, I AM crazy.
But, I knew good things were ahead.
I knew once I turned the curve on that path, took that left, the wind and my walk should settle down
& it did.
Once I got beyond that wind tunnel rough spot, my yesterday's walk became the best walk ever.

Beautiful serenity is what I felt and is the perfect way to describe it
& beautiful serenity = awesome.
AWESOME.

So I'm finishing up the first lap wondering if I should walk my usual two
& I start thinking about that busy, windy road.
ugh
I'll have to go past those gawkers again and through that very unpleasant part to get to what I know is and was a very good place
& I'm debating ... the wind tunnel ... gahhh ... it's so cold ...and the people ...and the brrrr and the ...
& I'm hesitating ...
But the voice within me tells me to do it.
That lovely voice reminds me of the beauty that awaits if I can just get to that bend in the road.
So, I go for it.
Lap #2
& yep...
It was terrible.

But, I kept walking
& once I got through the awful, it was quite wonderful
& all I kept thinking as I'm steadfastly trudging against the wind with a bunch of toasty looking faces pitifully staring at me is ...
I KNOW what's around that bend.

Stay focused.
Get beyond the roughness.
Just. Keep. Walking.

I did
& the beautiful serenity was even lovelier the second go around.

Lesson learned, relentlessly windy wind tunnel.
Lesson learned.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Thinking About It

January 20 - February 20, 2016.
Gotcha.

Predawn hours.
uh huh.

Diagonal line.
Southern sky.
Naked eye.
yep yep & yep.

Dress warm.
I will ! I will !

Mercury.
Venus.
Saturn.
Mars.
Jupiter.
YaY !

Clear sky.

uhhhhh.

Clear sky ... ? ...
Helloooooooo ?
Where oh where are you wonderfully clear, predawn sky ?
Dontcha know the planets await ??!?

It's been three mornings now.
Hoping, peering, whispering ... please be clear.. please be clear.
Please, oh, please be clear.
But, alas
& rats.
RATS.
It's cloudy again.

I know those planets aren't going anywhere.
Not yet.
I still have many days left to view their awesomeness but, like a kid waiting for Christmas ...
yep.
The anticipation is killing me.

Good thing I love early.
Predawn is actually my favorite time of the day.
I love the stillness, the quiet, the simple, often unnoticed noises
& the sunrise.
Oooooh that sunrise.

So, I'm good.
Yeah, I'm good.
I've got lots to keep me occupied.
I guess I can wait another day.

But, dang.
Just think about it.

Mercury, Venus, Saturn, Mars and Jupiter.
All dressed up nice and nice in an incredible, diagonal line.
Things like that make my head want to burst with completely amazed and very humbled happy bubbles
! ! ! ! !
Just THINK about it !
! ! ! ! !

So, yep.
I will wait
& I'll peer
& I'll hope and whisper
& I will sooooo totally enjoy another beautiful, Winter day on this lovely, pale blue dot in the sky called Earth.

Wooo.
Weeee.

Happy, Happy Bubbles.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Giving Blood

I'm donating blood today
& that's a good thing, a really, really good thing to do.

But yes, I'll admit, at first I was a bit perturbed
& yep, I guess I did have an attitude.
I felt as if I was bumped, demoted, second string.
You see, I'm more in the habit of handing over my plasma.

Every four weeks, for over a year now, those kind ladies of Heartland Blood Center have attached me to an awesome device.
I call it the 'plasma taker outer machine'.
It takes my plasma as I sit there watching and wondering who will be the latest recipient of my bags of yellow
& truth be told ?
I've grown very fond of the plasma taker outer machine.
Yes, yes, we've had our troubles in the past but, I thought we had them all ironed out.
I thought that darn thing liked me.

I guess not.
We've recently broke up.

Seems my teeny, tiny veins were just too much for the plasma taker outer machine to handle.
Beep.
It's alerting became insistent.
Beep.
Every five minutes or so ...
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.

Until, .... beeeeeeeeeeeep .... those extremely patient ladies of Heartland just couldn't take it anymore.
They suggested maybe plasma taker outer machine and I should have a little break, part ways, take a breather.

but ... but ... but....
I don't wanna ... ! ...

It took me awhile.
I'm finally over it.

& today, I'm back.
Back to donating blood.
Good old fashion whole blood
& I just gotta tell you, I'm extremely excited about it.
I am !

It's been so long since I've donated blood that I've forgotten what crimson looks like
& I'm already wondering who will be the lucky recipient of my pint of red.

Blood.
I'm donating blood today
& that's a good thing, a really, really good thing to do.

:)

I Am My Feelings

A Bit Obsessed

I think I may have mentioned that I am a step counting addict.
It's what I have become since the day I attached that little bitty Fitbit to my body.
I calculate my every single movement now.
&
I LOVE IT.

& I think I may have mentioned that my fellow step enthusiasts and I enjoy partaking in competitions every now and again.

Oh, yes.
Yes, we do.

Today though, begins a new FitBit mountain for me to climb.
Yep.
I've never ever been ask to be in two challenges at the very same time.
But, this today, I have.

Gee.
Popular.

Fitbit calls it the Weekend Warrior
& I have been here before.
It's simple.
Saturday - Sunday
Whoever accumulates the most steps = Winner !  :) !
& for those of you who are keeping score, I usually end up somewhere in the top three.
Because when a challenge is challenged, I become obsessed.
Ok, more obsessed.
I must stepstepstepstepstepstepstepstep.
I can't stop.
It controls me
& it feels very wonderful to be in second or third place.
But, I want FIRST
& I want it bad.

This latest go round has me a bit edgy though.
It just feels different
& not because I've been double challenged.
Nope.
It's because everyone involved is elevating their game.
I can feel the energy, the surge.
They all want that awesome #1 spot.
Every single body is in it to win it.

eek.

I'm nervous
& I have legitimate reasons to be.
I do.
I am out of my regular walking zone because of the weather.
It's cold, COLD I tell you
& below freezing temps have a way of talking me out of going outside.
Brrrrrr.
But, if I don't venture out into the elements, to my lovely walking trail, I am doomed to my exercise bike
& no offense exercise bike but ... but ....
I have a challenge to win !
A DOUBLE challenge.
I must step up my stepping, like NOW because I can't be annihilated by my equally obsessed competitors.
I just can't.
I must do what I must do what I must do do do.

So.
Consider yourselves forewarned, my fellow FitBit-aholics.
Yep.
I am stepping outside today.
brrrrrr.
AND
Tomorrow.
BRRRRR. BRRRRR.

& along with my freezing, relentless desire to win, I offer you the most honest to goodness, sincerest of luck.
You're just as crazy as me, you walking pro, you.
May the best stepstepstepstepstepstep ! stepper win !

Weeeeeee.

:)

I Am My Feelings

My Necklace

I received it as a remembrance gift from Grandpa after Granny died.
I was nine years old at the time
& what started out as a chain, two trinkets and a lovely thought has now become my treasure.

Somewhere down the road I started adding my own keepsakes.
The two trinkets have become thirteen.
It's my charm bracelet, my Pandora.
If I like it, I add it.

I've worn this necklace a lot or not at all, depending on what was going on in my life.
But, as the years keep moving along, it has become a daily must.

My necklace has held firm through all the years of daycare and watching those little ones.
Many a child has grabbed and played with it.
It's a good distraction.

Ooooo...what's that ?!?
Tug Tug.
Pull. Pull.

So many times, I too, have clutched this chain around my neck.
It's my comfort.
My holder of answers.

I have a habit of spinning the trinkets around a certain way if I'm bored or nervous
& my necklace makes a little jingling noise when I do.
Every so often I hear, "Enough with the jingle !"
uh ... oops ...

jingle. jingle.

People continually ask me about my necklace.
Some admired.
Some smirk.
Most wonder why I still wear it.

I'll admit, she has seen better days
& sooner or later I know I will have to break down and get a new chain.
But, there's no need to rush.
Every time my necklace unlatches or breaks I always find a new way to fix her
& fix her, I will forever do.

I was handed this memory of Granny at the very young age.
Back then, I had no idea of it's priceless value
& I've often wondered if this simple necklace brought the same happiness to Granny's heart as it does to mine.

I'm pretty positive her answer is yes.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Soar

My phone tells me it's 28 degrees Fahrenheit
& that's actually warm, compared to what it's been the last few days.
But, I'm cold.
No.
I'm freezing.
You see, this is the part of Winter that I do not love.

I love the snow.
Because it's beautiful
&
I enjoy shoveling.
So, YaY.
 
& I adore the blacks and whites and grays of Winter.
It makes me sooooo wish I was an artist.
I'd be known for my black and white and gray sketches.
I would.

I love when the sun peeks out and everyone is so excited because the sun finally peeked out
&
I absolutely love the patience of Winter.

Wait.
Just wait.
It will get better
& it does.
It always does.

But the coldness ?
Especially the extreme freeziness of Winter ?
Uh, no.
I'd rather not.
It's brrrrrr.
Just BRRRRRR.

So anyways, I woke up to it's cold in here.
So I grab a blanket, wrap it around me, my sweats and my two sweatshirts, make sure my three pairs of booties and slippers are adjusted, turn on my coffee pot and head for my laptop
& I have it in my head that I'M FREEZING because the weather guy told me it's freezing outside.

Outside.
I walk to my back door to look outside.
That's another thing I love about Winter, my big, bald tree.
She's so pretty and Winter looks so very lovely on her.
So, I look outside
& there on the very tippy top top of my wonderfully tall tree, is a hawk, just sitting there, all proud and strong in the freezing cold coldness of Winter.
Now, we get hawks around here all the time but, I've never seen one in the early morning darkness, sitting on the tippy top top of my favorite tree.

I was mesmerized.

He sat up high for a good long while and I stood near my door in a trance.
What he was doing, I'm not sure.
Sleeping ?
Meditating ?
Thinking 'DANG, it's COLD out here !! ' ?

I sure wish I knew.

After I don't know how long he decided he had better things to do
& off he glided with his incredibly awesome wingspan
& I thought WoW.

WOW.

Steady, strong, determined.
That's the lesson I just learned.

That mighty creature stood steady on an old and weathered tree branch.
He held himself strong in those wintertime elements
& determined, he was.
Very. Very.
and then ...  quietly, suddenly ...
He soared.

He soared .... ! ....

Wooooo weeeeeee.

What a wonderful predawn message
& I still get coffee and a sunrise too !!

Thanks Mr Hawk.
I get it.
I got it.
& yep, I agree.
It's not that cold out there.

:)

I Am My Feelings