Y I K E S

The scariest movie I have ever seen ?
uh.
I can't imagine why you would bring up such a terrifyingly sensitive topic ... ??!?

eek.

But, since today is Halloween
& because you asked
& you're always just so darn nice ...
Well.
Ok.
For you, I'll confess.

The scariest movie I have ever seen and will never, ever, EVER watch again ?
"The Exorcist".
Linda Blair.
1973.

yikes.
Just thinking about it gives me the willies.
! ! ! ! ! !
There is no other movie that even compares.

Jason from "Friday the 13th" ?
Michael Myers of "Halloween" ?

No & No.
You guys should have stopped after your first go around.

"Child's Play", Chucky ?
Freddy Krueger, "Nightmare on Elm Street" ?

Oh. Please.
Those two are fumbling, bumbling amateurs compared to that creepy, devil controlled Regan.

I can still see that horrible face and I've only seen the movie once
& her voice ?!?
Oh. My.
That'll scare the you know what right outta me every single time.
I can't even think about that little girl without terror running through my veins
& if I happen to be flipping channels and her face randomly pops up because of some 'Scary Show Week' ?
Great.
Just GREAT.
It will take me months to get her perverse distortion out of my head.

oy.

Nope.
Never.
Never ever again will I put myself through such horror and cause my brain such grief.
One viewing of "The Exorcist" has scarred me for life
& now I'm going to have nightmares, I just know it.

But, I hope I answered your scariest movie in all the land query
& I sincerely thank you for asking.
Yep.
I do.

Thanks.

Thanks. A. Lot.

:)

I Am My Feelings

I Prefer

Remember Wicker Walk Man ?
He's the guy I swore I would never, ever, EVER look at again.

Well.
I lied.

I see him on my walking trail All. The. TIME.
& sometimes, I just can't help myself.
The 'give him one more chance' in me says to look.
Look at this man who always, always, ALWAYS glances my way but, determinedly refuses to return my pleasantry

& so,

He looked.
I smiled.
He grumpily looked away.

gaaaaaa

& I thought,
you know what Mr Sourpuss ?
You be that way.
I prefer to smile.

:)

When I was out and about the other day, I bumped into a person I've known since high school.
We stopped to chat
& maybe it's because I try to see the good and shoo away all those nellies but, my oh my, did this someone have a gloomy tale to tell.
Nothing earth shattering.
Just negative.

negative negative negative

I countered with my positive positive positive but, I don't think she was listening.
She was too caught up in her pessimistic spin

& I thought,
you know what friend ?
You be that way.
I prefer happy.

:)

Social media.
Oh, social media.
Like a gaper in a traffic jam, I continue to look
& yes, there are many delightful things to see on social media but, there is an incredible amount of ugly flying around out there too.
I hate this and that and this and that and ...

um
ok
but, why ?!?

& as I shut off my laptop and swear I am done with social media forever I think,
you know what people ?
You be that way.
I prefer nice.

:)

Perspective.
Attitude.
Mindset.
A tweak here, an adjustment there.

Offer that smile.
Look for those positives.
Be kind.

I promise, life is lovelier on the bright side.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Isabella

I know !
Isn't she the CUTEST ?!?!
Brother, Sis and I crossed paths with her, just yesterday
& since our trail wasn't crowded with bikes, runners or fellow walkers, we stopped to watch for a few.

Slow and steady is what she was and what she did.
Going about her biz.
Determined to get from Point A to Point B
& just in case you're wondering ?
I googled.

"Isabella Tiger Moth, Pyrrharctia Isabella.
 The woolly bear is a fuzzy, orange and black caterpillar that becomes a dull, yellow to orange moth with a fat, furry thorax and a small head ... one of the most familiar caterpillars, woolly bears are renowned wanderers."

Renowned. Wanderers.

you goooooo, girl.

Oh & this morning ?
Yeah.
I'm still thinking about this beautiful life form.

There she was.
One teeny, tiny creature doing her teeny, tiny thing in this humongous place we call Earth.
She was created to do what woolly bears do
& apparently she's trying her very best to get 'er done.

Which makes me think about me.
You.
Us.

Here we are.
Human beings.
Created to do what human beings are created to do.
Moving from Point A to Point B.
Trying our best to get 'er done.
Small.
Determined.

hmmmm

Makes me question if I am,
if WE are
accomplishing those very things we were placed on this Earth to get accomplished.

Golly, Isabella.
I sure hope so.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Darn It

I saw a mouse the other day.
Yep.
I was stacking wood in a nice, orderly pile and boo ! there he was, just sitting, staring at me.
My reaction ?
'... time to move along little fella ...'

I've come a looooooong way, baby
& this recent varmint encounter has reminded me of just how far I've advanced.

My very first experience with a mouse was in 1985.
I remember it well because I about had a heart attack that day.

Serious YIKES.

I had never seen a mouse in person before and I was beyond frightened, so I did what I had to do.
I scooped up my baby boy and got the heck out of here.
I say 'here' because I still live 'here'.
I survived.

YaY.

Husband was at work at the time so I ran over to the safe haven known as Mom and Dad's.
Dad bravely ventured back to set a trap, as I was determined to stay forever hunkered until that beast was caught.
Days, weeks, months.
Didn't matter.
Son and I were embedded.

Husband called an hour or so later.
The mouse was dead. The coast cleared.

whew.

Looking back now, I realize my incredible naivety.
To think that was the only mouse, the only stowaway, I would ever have to deal with in this house ?
HA.
Right.
Critters LOVE this place.
Time and time again they have been magnetically pulled in, determined to call it Home Sweet Home.

Like that day the wasps decided to set up a nice, cozy nest right above our kitchen.
Hardy fellas, they were.
Bug spray only scented their air.
Friendly too.
They would energetically buzzzzzzz out daily to visit me.

buzz. buzz.

It became war very quickly.
I would fly swatter greet them as they'd fly out of that ever so tiny hole.
One by one they'd appear
& one by one, I would squoosh.
humph.
& every single time I'd go in for the squoosh, I would emphasize LOUD AND CLEAR for all to hear,
DARN IT !!
I said those two words so many times that my young, innocent daughters began calling wasps 'darn its'.
"Mom ! There's another darn it !"

um
good thing I didn't have a potty mouth

As I sit here reminiscing about that very first mouse in this house, I also pat myself on the back.
PaT
PaT
Because I can honestly say each rascal visit has made me stronger.
Yes, even wiser.

So, to every mouse
snake
raccoon
squirrel
wasp
worm
bee
spider
deer
fox
coyote
ground hog
bat
cricket
rabbit
skunk
toad
opossum
&
bird that has entered this house and/or my life I say, "thanks !!"

YOU have helped form who I am today
&
I. Love. You.
I promise.
I will never, ever harm nature again.

well, uhhh.
errrr.
Spiders and snakes ??
I don't love you guys all that much, so stay away.
Please.

eek

:)


I Am My Feelings

Like That

I remember the very first time I heard 'I Made It Through The Rain', which, if I haven't told you a zillion times already, is my absolutely favorite Barry Manilow song ever.
EVER.
I swear, it's as if the man wrote those words specifically for me and the moment I was in.

'here you go Jacki, feel better'

& to this day, that tune is the one I turn to when I need the strength and encouragement it offers.

So, YaY
Thanks, Barry.

It's no secret.
I'm kinda, sorta addicted to sappy, syrupy, ooey, gooey, inspirational, motivational, Oh. Yes. I. Can. type music
& I could spend a good part of today, sharing the melodies I think everyone should hear
'cause believe me, I have many.

But, a song like 'I Made It Through The Rain' ?
One that hits right smack dab in the feelz LIKE THAT ??
Oh, those are few
and very far between
because to tug at my heartstrings is one thing, to embrace my soul is an entirely different other.

"Move You" by Kelly Clarkson.
Thanks to a certain someone who understands my brain, I have been introduced to this amazing, THAT'S what I'm talking about !! song
& if you haven't yet listened, do.
It's beautiful.
It's powerful
& it will help me help you realize why I do what I do.

I write
& I love to write.
Always have, always will.
But, there is something bigger that lives inside of me
& it's so very hard to explain.
This song is the closest I've come to my reason
& when you hear, you'll know. 

It's THAT.
Exactly, THAT.
& that !! is what I'm working towards.

To find the perfect combination of just right words.
Words that help.
Words that heal.
Words that touch and improve and appreciate and deliver.
Words you believe were written specifically for you and your moment.
Words that continue beyond my lifetime

& so, I keep doing.
& nope.
I ain't ever gonna stop
&
weeeeeee !!
I am soooooooo very grateful for alllllll the poets
and artists
and lyricists
and singers
and songwriters
and authors
and writers
and storytellers
and bloggers
and Barry Manilow-s
and Kelly Clarkson-s
and you wonderful certain someones who understand my brain.

Always keep doing what you do too, please.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Mom's Memos

I knew they were there because they've nestled in the same drawer for many years
& I'd hear myself repeatedly say, "one day, ONE DAY I shall hunker down and read those words", her words
but, it took me until yesterday to actually do.

Mom's memories of vacations past.
Her thoughts, observations, grumbles and joys all gathered and jotted in little memo books.
I'm not sure why she felt the need to document the yearly trips to wherever
but, I'm oh so happy !! her 1980's, 90's and early 2000 self did
as these scribbles and scrabbles are a treasure trove of HER.

Her pen. Her paper. Her handwriting
& have I mentioned how I ADORE the personal touch of handwriting ??
It's as if Mom is sitting right next to me as I enjoy this journey.

hi ma

She's taking me back to Hey !
Remember that contest we won in the sixth grade ?!??

Yes, I do
& yes, WE did
but, truth be told ?
It was Mom.
All Mom.

"My Favorite Place To Visit In Indiana", a tourism, writing competition,
AKA homework
which was THE very last thing I wanted to do on that Sunday evening, all those years ago.
So Mom, with her loving silliness, helped.
She nudged and prodded and came up with ways I should say this
and that
& we wrote.
We signed.
We sealed and delivered
& by golly !! WE won.

FIRST PLACE.

YaY

I got my name in the newspaper, a nifty camera. an awesome certificate and a trip to a State Park
& Mom ??

awwwww Mom.

I'm pretty positive I get these writing skills from her
& now, I can't get enough of those precious, priceless, memo pads.

She had a comic living within, a political commentator too.
She was a woman born ahead of her time, for sure.
She often felt as if she had been here before and was very much pulled to the West with it's cowboys, howling wolves and such.
She was a reader of novels and a wish-I-was novelist.
A writer.
My mama was a writer
& it looks like I am too.

The older I get, the clearer I see.

I'm tapping into, I'm understanding, I'm continuing.
I do this, I write THIS for you and with you, Mom.

& I wholeheartedly thank you for the nudge.

:)

I Am My Feelings

How I Wonder

I see it every night as I close my eyes
& every new today, when I open.

I call him a he but, she could be a she
&
Is this a star ?
or maybe a planet ?

hmmmm

No matter.
No worries.
Any way and either way, my forever friend.

I often talk to this light in the sky.
Express my joys, spill the troubles.
It's brightness warms my heart and eases my mind
& when he blinks, as if to acknowledge my words ?
My soul is calmed.

shhhh
sleep tight

A promise of a peaceful rest.
A hope for tomorrow.

When the clouds and the doubt and the busyness of daylight hide his magnificent glow, I sometimes ponder where oh where ... ?
But his assurance is undeniable.
I am here.
I will always be here.

Thank you, Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.

& oh,
How I wonder ...

:)

I Am My Feelings

Ferned

I wish I had taken a before picture because she was THAT pretty
but, I knew I couldn't, I just absolutely wouldn't get attached.
Nope.
Not this time.
Not again.

I patiently turned to proud as can be Husband with my gut-wrenching plea of WHY ??????
WHY did you bring her here ??
You KNOW what I am.
You KNOW what I do.
Her destiny is written in stone.

His confidence oozed as he declared that THIS time and THIS one would be different
& besides, a lady was giving them away for free
& how could he pass up FREE ??

um.
yeah.

'Well, THIS one is on YOU, fella', I ever so calmly retorted.
I take no responsibility.
None.
You hear me ??!??
NONE.

Husband laughed an 'ok ok ok' and that was the end of that.
Until today.
Today, I weep as I witness what has become of her simple beauty
& today,
I confess, I admit, I acknowledge.

I am .... A Fern Killer.

There.
I said it.
& I know it's awful.
But, it's the truth.
The honest to goodness, awful truth.

Try as I might
& I swear, I have mightily tried
I have never met a fern I didn't annihilate.

Torture.
That's the word that best describes what I do to that unique greenness.
Slow, horrific, just kill me now !! torture.

I don't know what it is.
Any other plant and I get along just fine.
I have many lovelies all around this house.
&
I ADORE ferns.
I think they are one of the most delightful creations in this whole, wide, wonderful world.

Until they get to me.
Then, it's just pure ugly

& every time I see a perfectly shaped and happy fern, I am reminded of my father-in-law.
The man was a pied piper.
Beautiful, healthy, thriving ferns seemed to follow that guy around.
He loved them
& they loved him back.

Father-in-Law never quite understood my fern woes, though.
He would gently advise that ferns are the easiest plants of them all.
They don't need much.
Sunlight, water
& ta da !!

Time after time that man would hand over one of his beloved buddies because Father-in Law was continually confident that I would succeed in my 'I Will Not Kill This' quest.
& yep
Time after horrible time, I would destroy yet another innocent.
Until one day, he offered no more.

sniffle.

Oh fern, this fern.
Forgive me.
It seems we cannot coexist, we don't dare share the same space.
I TRULY apologize for your demise.

Oh and uh Husband ?
Husband ??

um.
yeah.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Feel Better

well, boo

They lost.
It's over
& I'm bummed.

I was really hoping for a repeat.
I honestly thought they could, they would.

rats.

But, as with everything in this great gift called Life, sometimes you win
& sometimes ...

oy

Some. Times.

When you'd rather not.
When you want to hide.
When you think you can't.
When you're sure it won't.

Why try.
Why bother.

Nothing matters
& no one cares.

Yeah. THOSE sometimes.

We've all had them.
Throw up the hands and throw in the towel.
Done.

So. Done.

Well, if you must, you go right ahead and wallow in that goop for as long as you deem necessary.
Take your time.
And when you are ready,
you crawl out of your hole
& remember ...

You Can.
You Will.

That's right.
One more time.

You CAN.
You WILL.

Dust yourself off and try again,
DO again
& again
& again
& yet again.

Don't you ever give up.

EVER. EVER.
EV - ER.

! ! ! ! !

So. There.

&
YaY

I feel much better now, Chicago Cubs
& I hope you do too.

Many thanks for a season of joy, boys.
See you in the spring.

!! c'mon !!

:)

I Am My Feelings

 

Mr Wiggles

That's what we call him
& today ?
Today, he turns one.

!! One !!

& he is all about love.
Right here.
Right now.
Love that is touchable, doable,  knowable
& when those little eyeballs realize, hey !!
it's YOU !
I know YOU !!

WoW

That's unconditional.
Unconditional, love

& he's simpleness.
Because he really doesn't ask for all that much.
But, then again
um, yeah.
I guess he most definitely does.
But, when you set aside the diapers and the messes and the lack of sleep and all those million, zillion other this and that's ?
He is an oooooh so uncomplicated little soul

& that's pure.
Pure simpleness.

He's happiness
& curiosity
& uniqueness

&
babbles
and giggles
and chatters, splatters
and dribbles.

He's
cuddles
and just because hugs
and slobbery smooches
& nonstop wondering.

He's our treasured reminder of this precious gift called Life

& today ?
Today he turns one.

!! ONE !!

Happy Birthday, Mr Wiggles.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Because I Love You

He says the most random, wonderful words
& out of nowhere, just like that !! my heart is melted and full and lifted and so happily complete.

We were talking about everything and nothing, with a million curious 'why's' tossed in along the way.
A 3 1/2 year old's inquiring mind needing to know, ask, wonder, wonder and wonder more.

"Why is it raining ?"
"Can we see the firetrucks today ?"
"Was it funny when my balloon popped ?"
"Why is your tree so big ?"
"Why did my balloon pop ?"
"Is it raining at my house ?"
"Why is your house so far away ?"

& as I patiently and consistently explained his ponders as best as I could, this grandson of mine switched things up
& handed me a gift that will be embedded in my soul forever.

"Because I love you."

Wait.
What ?
Where did that come from ?
& if this ain't the verification to every single anything I'll ever need to know, I sure don't know what is !

Because I love you.

Have I mentioned that children are my very favorite humans on this planet ??
Have I advised you of the fact that they are a cornucopia of pure, genuine, heaven-sent information
& they hold that priceless, precious key to simple ??

They do.
Oh. Yes. They. Doooooooooo.

Every distraction.
Every sidetrack.
Every why me ??? or not again !! or not fair !! or what the heck ???
Every I don't know how to do this
& please make it stop.
Every down on the knees broken beyond repair.

Every shhhh.
Just shhhh.

Because I love you.

& suddenly, the noise is quieted.
The answer is found.

Thank You, Grandson.
I needed that reminder from the Universe
& hey,
you know what ??

It's because I love you too.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Always and Always

Yes.
Yes.I know.
I HAVE said these next few words a million, zillion times before but, by golly, today I am going to say them again
& again
& again.

BELIEVE.
In impossible and improbable.
In it will
It does
& it can.

BELIEVE that anything is attainable
& dreams really do come true.

BELIEVE in miracles

& do me a favor while you're at it, please.
Determinedly but politely shoo away any of the 'I told you so', 'it'll never happen', ho-hum and things will never change you may meet along your way.
Because doubters love to doubt.
Practicals forever analyze
& cynics continually scoff.

But believers ?!?
Oooooooo BELIEVERS.

They trust.
They hope.
They know.
One day.
ONE. DAY.
It will.
It does.
It can.
Oh YES, it can.

BELIEVE.

From now until forever.
Beautifully and simply and for always
& always
& always  ...

Believe.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Mood

Not sure if you've noticed because
a.  I wear it well
&
b.  I try to keep it positive around here

But,
ooooooo weeeeee 
I have been riding the very brink of negative for a couple of days now, allowing myself to be swallowed and wallowed up in a dismal cloud of gloom.
My smile offered cheery but, my heart was pure heavy.
Nothing was wrong yet, everything wasn't right
& when asked to pinpoint why I was so sad ?
My reply was, "just everything".

UGH

ugh

I know days like these are inevitable in this ride called Life but, man, I sure don't like when they happen to me
& as I'm sitting here kicking myself in the behind and pondering my funky yesterdays, I decide to jot down a list of the good stuff and jolly souls that tried their best to push away those blues
&
as always, they are many.

Silly texts.
Pleasant conversations.
Short car rides to happy places.
A W followed by a yummy pizza followed by a L but, there is hope, Chicago Bears
Heartfelt Instagram.
Genuine words.
A countdown to their visit by a giggly grandson.
Grass cutting glee with my music ! music ! music !
Those trees !
Fitbit steps, steps and more steps.
Favorite Tuesday tv show.
An all night, soak to the bone, much needed rain.

.... oh, how I love a good rain ....

& presto.
Here I am in a brand new today.

YaY.

errrr.
Helloooooo ?? Self ?
If I can find this much shine in a few, self-imposed, crappy days ?!?

Yeah.

Go away dark and dreary.

I so need to be
to stay
to LIVE in that infinite Bright.

:)

I Am My Feelings

 





  

Finding Bright

As I looked out my window, all I saw was darkness.
To my left.
To my right
& when I gazed upwards to that glorious sky with the hope of finding bright,
I saw only a handful of stars, as if they too tired of the continuous noise, packed their bags, called it quits

& that's when the coyotes piped in.

Those obnoxious thugs have been known to frequent this neighborhood every once in awhile and if I happen to spot them in the daylight ?
I find them to be an earthy, raw, elusive kind of beautiful.
But, a sunlit sighting is rare because coyotes love obscurity
& in the darkness ?
Those guys are eerie.
Downright eerie.

Their howl is angry, loud, irritatingly grinding
& sad.
And when they zero in and gluttonly finish up their deadly hunt of that wrong time, wrong place, innocent critter ?
The stillness that follows is absolutely sickening
 
& then ...

I think about this world and wonder how we the people always and always and ALWAYS  take one step ahead and ten million steps back
& I cry.
I just flippin break down and cry.

You've sucker punched me again, Hate
& truth be told, I'm trying my darndest to understand because like those coyotes, your howl is angry, loud, irritatingly grinding
& sad.
So very, very sad
& the incredible sadness of that howl beckons me to try a little bit harder

& so, I will.

I'll pick myself up and I will try.
I will seek and find that in between place where we can talk it out, mediate and strive to understand one another.

But, just so you know Hate, I refuse to get caught up and devoured in your ugly chase and hunt.
Those bullies in my back yard reminded me, just this morning, of the deafening silence that follows.

:)

I Am My Feelings

This One Too

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. When the student is truly ready ... The teacher will disappear."

"A belief is only a thought you continue to think."

"Information cannot enter a closed mind."

"Silence isn't empty. it's full of answers."

"We Live On Borrowed Time."

Hello there
&
Welcome to my world and the lovely quotes that have been jumping out and smacking me right upside the head these days.
Like a slow, steady, easy parade.
Taking their time, waltzing on by.

Here's one, Jacki
& how's about this one too ...

& as I sit in the early morning hush, I am completely confused yet, totally ok.
I don't understand and I absolutely comprehend.
I don't know what to do but, I do know what to do.

I'm afraid.
I'm not.
I'm courageous.
I'm not.

oy.
See what I mean ?

It's the lingerings of an awesome Harvest Moon, I just know it.
That full, wonderful celestial body unfailingly gets this ol mind stirred up with questions.

Why ?
Oh, WHY.

But, I continually, confidently, forever and always come back to, shhhh.
just shhhh
& that whirly, twirly noise settles down, once again.

"Fear is useless; what is needed is trust."

& so,
I trust.

:)

I Am My Feelings

 

Addictively Obsessed

Have you heard the wonderful news ?
Brand new emojis will be entering your, mine & our lives very soon.

YaY

So call this a repeat if you must but, today's redo seems EXTREMELY appropriate.

weeeeeeeee.

--------------------

Anyone know the difference between an addiction and an obsession ?

Wait.
Hold on.
I'll Google.

addiction - the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.
obsession - the state of being obsessed with someone or something.

um. ok.
It's official.
I'm both addicted and obsessed.

To WHAT ?? you ask.
To emojis, I reply
& if you happened to not be familiar with the word, here you go

emoji - a small digital image or icon used to express an idea, emotion, etc, in electronic communication

&
btw ... 
I. LOVE. GOOGLE. because Google also informs me that Shigetaka Kurita of Japan invented emojis in 1998
& if I could, I'd walk myself right on over to Japan and give that man a great big hug.

BRILLIANT.
He is brilliant
& I seriously cannot live without his lovely little representations.
They have taken over my email, my texting, my sentences, my paragraphs, my life.
Yep.
I'm pretty sure I won't survive without.

My favorite emojis are the smiley faces.
They are all just so darn cute that I often find it hard to decide which one to use ...
but I love the exclamation points too.
Red and bold, they really get my point across.
I also adore the hearts and the fist bump and the thumbs up and the and the and the ...

See ?
I love them sooooooo.

I wonder if there's an emoji factory out there.
Would that be the greatest job in the whole wide world or what ???!?
Sitting there all content and pleased, designing the next little icon guy for your peeps to enjoy ...
What FUN !!
Those are definitely THE happiest workers on the planet, I am sure !

Oh, Emoji.
I don't know how I ever lived life without you by my side but, I will tell you now, I ain't ever going back.
You brighten up my daily correspondences with your lively little selves
& YOU, according to me, are the best thing ever.
EVER.

oh and Google ?
No worries.
I'm kinda sorta addictively obsessed with you too.

YaY

:)

I Am My Feelings

1

Pardon my rerun but, with all that's been happening in this world of ours, I thought maybe we could use a reminder.

--------------------

I fell asleep thinking about it.
I woke up during the night pondering it
& it is still in my head as I stare out my window this morning.

'It' is 1
The number one.

By itself, there is nothing all that special about it.       

1

One.

1 raindrop.
1 blade of grass.
1 snowflake.
1 grain of sand.
1 leaf.

But combined with other 1's

111111111111111111111111111111
111111111111111111111111111111
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Yeah.
You get the point.

1 person.

Me.
You.
Him.
Her.

One can share love
 or
One can share hate.
One can choose good
 or
One can choose ugly.
One can bring smiles
 or
One can cause tears.

The incredibly awesome power of one
&
Ones.

1.

--------------------

I know what I'm doing with mine today.
How about you ?

:)

I Am My Feelings

Love Does Love Will

They assure and lift me each and every time they appear.

Just like that.
Without thought or consequence.
Ready and willing.

To rush in
to protect
to help
to fix
to solve
to comfort
to offer
with no questions asked, as if they were simply waiting for the opportunity, they DO.

They continually remind me, they are here.
Always were, always will be.

Steadfast, strong, confident, proud
& humble,
SO beautifully humble.
They'd rather no spotlight.
They shun the noise.
A quiet declaration that actions do speak louder than words.

Oh, Good People !! Thank You !!
for with your genuineness, you have filled me with hope.
Your powerful presence, your heartfelt gestures, your unique kindness in the midst of chaos and horror are all I need to see, to KNOW that from now, until forever and ever and ever more.
Love Does.
Love Will.

:)

I Am My Feelings

   

Reasons

Everything happens for a reason.
Yep.
I've heard myself say those words a million times
& I truly believe them.
I do.

Until Las Vegas happens and I'm brought to my knees
& I ask, REASON ???
What could possibly be the reason behind a massacre ?

Oklahoma City, Columbine, September 11, Aurora,  Boston, San Bernardino, Sandy Hook, Orlando ...
I am losing count because it KEEPS HAPPENING
& now Vegas.
Dear Jesus, PLEASE tell me what lesson am I to learn from innocents being brutally murdered ?!?
PLEASE help me figure this one out

& I am trying to find the positives, I am.
Like Fred Rogers' mama often told him  ...

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

I too, am searching for those helpers
 & Mrs Rogers was right.
Human beings shine their brightest when tragedy strikes.
The helpers are always, ALWAYS there.

But, you want to know the one thing that keeps pulling me back to the edge, to that vortex of I'm DONE, to that I just want to curl up and hide forever ?
Hate.
The hate that remains, the hate that continues.
Hate is hate no matter how you chop it, no matter the pretty up, no matter the disguise.
Hate is eating us up, ruining us.
Killing. Us.
& I'm so, so tired of HATE.

We are better than this, people.
When will we realize ?
WHEN will we look hate straight in the eyes and see it for what it is
& look at ourselves to honestly see what we are ?

We share this awesome planet.
We are given this incredible, daily GIFT.
What more could we possibly want or need ??
& loving one another shouldn't be that hard to do ! !
Why can't we embrace uniqueness ?
Why can't we treasure each of our amazingly wonderful differences ?
Why can't we just GET ALONG ??

Oh Ugliness.
You've knocked me down, yet again
& this time I took that hit hard.
Real hard.
But, you know what ?
I am finding my reasons.

Until we learn just how incredibly easy loving one another can and SHOULD be, we are doomed to  these awful, endless repeats of hate.
The answer is love, my friends.
LOVE.
Love thy neighbor as thyself.
That means all neighbors, not just the ones we deem appropriate.

Love

I will keep singing this tune from now until forever.

Love.

I will shout it from the rooftops until the day I die.

Love.

I will continue to talk to the wall if I must but I promise you, I will not stop.

Love. Love. Love.

Just. LOVE.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Please

I wrote the following words after the last mass shooting in these United States of America.
Pardon my rerun.
I'd like to share them again with the hope that I never have to share them again.

..........

I need to be like a child.
Sweet.
Pure.
Innocent.
Unscathed by the ugliness this world often brings.

I need to be like a child.
Genuinely unaffected and beautifully unconcerned by the different EVERYTHING in all of us.

I need to be like a child.
"Hi. I'm Me"
"Hi. You're You."
Let's be friends !

I need to be like a child.
Offering my love before anything else.

I need to be like a child.
Curiously enjoying each moment this precious life offers.

I need to be like a child.
Simply kind.
Sincerely happy.

I need to be like a child.
Because a child carries every single, honest answer this sometimes unsure adult will ever, ever need.

Yes, I need to be like a child.
So, please.

Please.

Let's be friends.

:)


I Am My Feelings

My Jesus

I do not consider myself religious.
At all
& although I was raised Catholic, I have long ago fallen away from weekly church visits.

What I consider myself is a regular ol human being who is a reader of the Bible and a very big fan of Jesus.
He is truly # 1 with me.
My best friend.
Forever.
For. Sure.

So.
Coming from the angle I am coming from, I'm finding it awfully hard to figure out certain people these days.
Especially those who do attend church regularly, who quote and continuously thump, thump, thumpppppp that Bible.
Those who claim to know Jesus.

I sometimes wonder if their Jesus and my Jesus are the same Jesus.

My Jesus is not judging, jealous, divisive or hateful.
He is never arrogant or self righteous. 
Negative ?
No.
Fakey ?
Nope. 
Ugly ?
Not ever.

My Jesus is kind, concerned and caring.
He's loving, loyal, and accepting.
He forgives.
He understands.
He builds.

& doubt ?
What's doubt ?
There is no such thing, with my Jesus.

& when someone believes in Him
I mean really, REALLY believes in my Jesus
That someone will be just like Him.
In everything they do, everything they say.
Because being like Jesus is automatic, genuine, natural.

It's simple.
It's beautiful
It's so incredibly easy.

He's my confidant.
My focus.
My buddy.

He's my Jesus.

:)

I Am My Feelings