My Hope Report

I was in sixth grade
& the assignment was to write a report.
I LOVED writing reports.

The topic:
What is Hope?

I remember my reaction to this impossible challenge.

'HuH ?!?'
What is Hope ??
How in the world am I supposed to know something like that ?!?

But.
I dutifully wrote my words and handed in my paper.

Oh, how I wish I had saved that report.
I would love to compare what the sixth grade me expressed, to what today's me truly believes.

Hope.

My lifeline.
My constant.
My friend.
It is as valued as the air I breathe.

Why ?
Because I know hope will never, ever desert me.
It is my truest of trues.
My continuum.
Hope may be the teeniest, tiniest smidgen of light in a ocean of dark but, it is there.
Hope is always, always there.

It's precious.
It's priceless.
It's my confident protector.
My awesome force field.

Today's Topic:
What is Hope ?

Ooooooooooo
I'll tell you what hope is ....!

Hope Is Everything.
Absolutely. Positively. Everything.

:)

I Am My Feelings

On The Clock

Today is the National Football League's Draft Day.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

I LOVE Draft Day.
I mean I really, really, really looooooove Draft Day.

It's a day of HAPPY
& I am a big, BIG fan of happy.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Don't bother asking me any Draft Day queries though.
If you happen to need the
Who ?
Why ?
What ?
How ?
& when's of it all, ask someone else, please.
Sorry to disappointed but, I honestly do not have a clue.

Truth be told, I'm not interested in why a football team needs this or that
& I don't know any of the hopeful  players.
Not a one.
But, each of these young men have a story and I soooo appreciate their story.
A story of working hard.
Day in.
Day out.
Slow, steady.
Determined.
Steadfast.

& now, their day has arrived.
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
They've reach that goal.

I. Love. It.

Unfortunately, there are cynics among us who try to downplay my glee.
"They've had everything handed to them on a silver platter...They are millionaires now..."

Hush cynics.
HUSH.
Let me relish in my joy.

I am a dream believer
& TODAY is a dream come true day.

It's NFL Draft Day.
Let the jolly begin.

yippeeeeeeeeee

:)

I Am My Feelings

Snort

I was born under the sign of Taurus.

Yep.
I am a stubborn bull, or so I've been told
& I will admit, I'm a little bit set in my ways
but, I see absolutely nothing wrong with being set in my ways.
I am what I am
& it is what it is.

So.
There.

Humph.

One example of my supposed stubbornness is my love of tuna fish sandwiches.
YUM.
So. Good.
Throw a few bell peppers on that baby and you've got yourself an awesome meal.
The fact that I will never ever EVER consume any other type of seafood is simply my choice.
Because if it looks like I won't like it, then why in the world would I waste my time trying it ...?
That's not being hardheaded.
It's being sensible.
Let those creatures stay in the sea.

Or how's about the minor detail that I refuse to use the guide on the tv remote ...?
Nothing inflexible about that.
The guide complicates my head
& I like to avoid things that complicate my head.
When I hunker down with the tv, I'll just stick with my same ol channels, thank you very much.
They're my favorites for a reason
& that's certainly not uncompromising.
It's practical.

ahem.

Does the info that I've never had and never plan to have a manicure or pedicure mean I'm immovable ?
I think not.
It just means I don't want a complete stranger touching my fingers and toes
& I see absolutely nothing wrong with that particularity.

nothing at all.

What about the knowledge that I've never seen a Star Wars Movie.
Or Star Trek.
Or any other block busting, sci-fi thrilling gem.
nope.
Not in my plans.
Why ?
Because I don't want to
& that's not pighead-y.
It's me.
I was born under the sign of Taurus.

& they have the audacity to call that and ME unreasonable ??!!?
Seriously ?

errr.
um
I prefer iron-willed.

Snort.

 :)

I Am My Feelings

Gramma's House

They would nudge us in the very early morning hours.
3 a.m. or so.
We would shuffle, like zombies, out to the waiting car and crawl into our designated spots.

Mom and Dad's plan was for these children of theirs to go back to sleep, knowing after eight hours or so, we'd be sitting in Gramma's house
& if Dad could get a few hours of driving accomplished with sleeping, non-talking children ?
well, that would be swell too
& most of the time, the plan worked.
We would all hunker down and go back to sleep, comforted in the fact that we were headed to a very happy place.

We were in our station wagon.
The back seat pulled down to make a super bed.
Blankets, pillows, bodies.
The smell of thermos coffee in the air.

After an hour or two someone would wake up.
If that someone just couldn't go back to sleep they would stare at the person next to them to will them awake.
That or accidentally poke them.
Ooops.

When it was time for breakfast we would each get a predetermined, often negotiated, mini box of cereal.
I usually ended up with Frosted Flakes.
Yum.

Lunch would bring out the waxed papered, peanut butter and jelly or bologna sandwiches.
To this day I so love a good, squooshed pbj.
And a can of pop.
Black Cherry never tasted so good.
A cookie for dessert.

Man.
Life was good.

No seat belts.
We would randomly maneuver around or trade places.
We'd play car bingo, hangman and be thrilled beyond thrilled to get a trucker to honk that horn.

One or two potty stops.
A sour ball candy, if we were well behaved.
And before you knew it ...Gramma's house.

Oh the joy of pulling into that driveway knowing we would be there for two glorious weeks.
Truly. Priceless.

My account of our travels and Dad's are probably very, very different.
His version might include bickering, scrambles, spills and too much noise.
I'm sure it wasn't easy.
But, if I could take a trip back in time, that's exactly where I'd go.
A crowded, love filled station wagon journey.
To that wonderful place called Gramma's house.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Simplenesses

I try my best to concentrate on all the amazing, little stuff that occurs each day.
Sun shining, people smiling, clouds fluffing.
You know ...
The simplenesses of everyday life.
But when big stuff happens, especially not so wonderful big stuff, I tend to push aside all those happy littles.

So today, I'm thinking about yesterday and my taken for granted tiny things.
My unnoticed until now pleasantries.

Like that morning cup of coffee.
I love that morning cup of coffee.
I enjoy it every single day yet, it's such a part of my routine that I don't really think about it. 
Well today, I'm thinking about it.
yum.

Or how's about that sincere "Have a nice day" from the person on the other side of the phone.
nicey.

& that perfectly timed just because.
Just because.

& the that's funny !! so do it again and again, no better sound in the whole wide world giggles of a six month old.
priceless

& finding that sweet cell lot spot, watching plane after passenger filled plane take off into the wild blue yonder.
impressive

& finally that BIG HUG I received from a very loving soul.
Thanks, Genuine.

ahhhhhhh.

So.
As I wander into this brand new day, I am going to take extra special notice of all that little stuff.
Because all those delightfully cheery littles sure make all the big stuff,
especially the not so wonderful big stuff,
seem rather small.

Helloooooo Today 

:)

I Am My Feelings

Ten Four

A few birthdays ago, Husband received a c.b. radio as a gift
& honestly, nobody was really all that thrilled about it, except him.

You see, not that many years have passed since he was a truck driver
& he very much enjoyed partaking in the chatter.
So when Husband opened his brand spanking new c.b. he was asked "uh ...WHY ?!?" by those of us who are not retired truck drivers.
He just laughed as he sat there all thankful and merry.

Soon after, Husband went out and purchased a brand new antenna for his brand new c.b. radio.
He was all set.

At first, I just tolerated the c.b. because that's what I do.
It neither bothered or amused me.
It was just there.

But now ...
Now we are traveling to visit Grandsons & Co. and have opted to drive.
So now, I have spent two straight days with that c.b.
And .....
I have to admit.
I'm hooked.
Yep.
I'm hooked on those truckers and their musings.
Turn off that stereo.
I don't need any tunes.
All I want is to do is listen to the yappin.

It's so random.
It's a mishmash of stuff.
Just stuff.
It's different opinions, interesting personalities.
It's a spurted out song, an obscenity filled rant, a hard times story, a hearty laugh ...
It's a head's up on traffic and what's happening miles away.
An alert on speed traps.
A telling of which lane we should be merging into long before any other drivers know ...
It's a little bit of everything
& yep
It's very awesome.

I'm catching up on all my big rig lingo too.
Although I already know most words floating around in the trucker chatter world,
I'm hearing a few I've never heard before.
I did not know until recently that a car carrying semi is called a parking lot
Well by golly, now I know.

Husband and I happily reached Destination Grandsons yesterday evening
& YaY
that always equals FUN
but, shhh
shhhhhh
don't tell anyone there's a little bitty part of me that is already anticipating our L O N G ride back home.
 uh huh
 I can't wait to hear that happy, grumpy, nicey, meanie, troubled, confident banter again.
It's my truck driver soap opera, filled with a wonderful mixture of knowledge, information and stuff.
Just stuff.

& yep.
I am hooked.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Just Aim

Have I mentioned that I love Barry Manilow ?!?
I do.
I so do.

What's that ?
What's my very favorite Barry Manilow song ?? you ask !??
Well ! thanks for asking !
I will respond quickly because that's an extremely easy question to answer.

My favorite Barry Manilow song of all time is "I Made It Through the Rain".
yep. yep.
& since you're so kind and curious, I'm going to tell you my very favorite words to my very favorite Barry song.
They are ...

"Just aim beyond the clouds
And rise above the crowds
And start your own parade"

LOVE

Those simple words have saved me.
Time and time again.

So often I have wondered "who am I kidding ? what am I doing ? why am I doing ?"
Especially when it comes to my writing.
& then ...
I would listen to that wonderful song
& everything, and I do mean everything, would make sense again.

I keep writing because it is me.
It is my happiness.
& fyi ...
It took me way toooooo long to figure that one out.
But now that I did, it's really all that matters.
I am following my Happy.

My little bit of advice today ...?
Find Yours.

Whatever makes you happy ... whatever makes you YOU.
Find it.
Go for it.

Aim beyond the clouds.
Rise above the crowds.
Start your own parade.
Because once you find that happy, everything else just seems to fall into place.

It's true.
It's so true
! ! ! ! ! ! !

So.
There.
Aren't you glad you asked ?

:)

I Am My Feelings

That Happy

Grass cutting season is here.

! ! YaY ! !

I seriously cannot tell you the joy that brings my heart.

Pure happiness.
There's just no other way to describe how it makes me feel.

My lawnmower, my music.
A bright, sunny day.
oooooooo weeeeeeeeeee
Just thinking about it makes me want to burst with merry.

It's my little slice of Heaven.
Yep.
& it really does make me THAT Happy.

This world is filled with a zillion ways to simple, over the top, I LOVE IT gleeeeeeeeee
 & a BRAND NEW DAY awaits !

Here's to finding yours.
Here's to treasuring yours
&
Here's to living your THAT Happy.

:)


I Am My Feelings

I Do Not Sleep

"Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there. I do not sleep."

I repeated those words so many times before, during and after her funeral
so much so, that a good friend asked, "WHY do you keep saying that ??"

It's a poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye that I found in the newspaper obituary section way back in the day.
It touched me so deeply that I cut it out and placed it in my pile of MUST save quotes, which is now known as My Red Book
& as I stood at my mother's grave ten years ago, as I visit that cemetery today, I will sing those beautiful words again
& again.

She is not there.
She does not sleep.

Mom is everywhere now
& it's quite awesome to see, to feel, to know.
To KNOW.

Yep.
Signs.

I can hear what you're thinking.

Ahhh jeez.
Signs again.
UGH
! ! !

But, here I go with the signs again because I can't stop myself.
I am telling you, signs.
Pay attention to those signs.

Mom has given us sooooooo many.
From the day she left, to now
& I am absolutely positive

Absolutely. Positive.

that those you love who have left this life offer you the very same hope.

Signs.

They may be big, they may be small but, they are there.
Open up, allow your heart to see them THERE.

Scents and songs and long forgotten, suddenly found mementos.
Dreams and feelings and people placed in your life path for no apparent reason.
Hugs and warmth and HEY ! did you see that too ?
Nature and silence and whispers and ...
and love

LOVE.

Love continues.
It's for always.
It's forever
It's patiently waiting to be noticed
& my !! how I hope you notice !!

Happy Ten Years with Jesus, Mom
& thank you for those continuous, awesome reminders.
You most definitely, ever so wonderfully do not sleep.
You are here.

You never left.

:)

I Am My Feelings

   

  

Wait

It's 4:44 a.m.
& normally, I'd be slow and steadily tap, tap, tapping these words on my laptop.
But this morning, the power is out so the internet and my sharing will have to wait.
My Barry Manilow notebook will receive my thoughts instead.

YaY

The wind has been howling, the rain constant, all night long.
Mother Nature and all her forceful awesomeness is putting on quite the show
& it's dark
& weird, no appliance noises, quiet.

I can see my big, bald tree though.
Her branches are swaying to the rhythm of those gusts
& it doesn't seem to be bothering her at all.
She has a BRING. IT. swag about her.
A 'been here a long time, seen it all, nothing surprises me' confidence
& the pond size puddles that evaporated away ?
They're backkkkkk and have taken over the yard, once again.

But.
We all know what they say about April showers ...

& oops.
The thought occurs to me that I could, in fact, power up my laptop or my phone
errrr, eh
I don't want to kill my batteries
& you know what ?
I'm kinda enjoying just staring out this window. 

Listening.
Watching.

No birds chirping.
No random electrical sounds.
Just the moaning of the wind, the pattering of the rain.
Yep.
It's pretty cool stuff, Mother Nature

& so, I'll wait for the light that will eventually be.
Because the sun will be rising no matter what this storm says
& even though I may not see her, she's there.
Oh, she is very there.
That light and wonderful bright will always, ALWAYS be there.

Thanks for another life lesson, Mother Nature
& you too Barry Manilow notebook.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Try To Try

You know when you just don't understand something and some nice someone happens by and offers assistance ?
& then, ta da !! it all makes sense.

Or when you're searching for a perfect solution to a pestery little problem and a kind soul wanders in with a simple, 'have you tried this ?'
& yippee.
There it is.

I was watching a baseball game recently and one of the players had another human being by his side, his interpreter
& I thought, what a cool job that must be.
Helping people understand each other.

I get it so I'll explain it to you so that you can explain it to him and he can ask questions to you to ask me and when he understands, he will tell you so
& then, we can all work together again as a team.
As one.

hmmmm

Sounds so incredibly easy, doesn't it ?
Makes we wish we all had a little helper following us around.

Because words.
Oh, words.

Say them one way and they mean one thing.
Say them another way and ...
ouch

Two people looking at the same exact situation in two entirely different ways with no solution in sight.

HELP

Enter:
The Explain-er, The Illuminater.
The 'No Worries' dude

& see ?
Everything's fine.

Or maybe.
Just maybe.
We could take it upon ourselves.
To talk.
To mediate.
To try and figure out.
To find that middle ground, that place of understanding, the bridge that gets us to OH ! Now I see !!
NOW I get it
& hey ! I understand YOU & you understand ME
& it all makes perfect sense.
Maybe then, we can all work together again, as a team.
As one.

hmmmm.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking ?
Yep.
It all sounds Pretty, Darn. Easy and wonderfully pleasant if ...
if ...

How's about we give try a try ?

:)

I Am My Feelings