Time To

Dunkin Donuts used to have a commercial with a very catchy slogan.

"Time to make the donuts"

Those were the words of Fred the Baker, as he readied himself for work.
Tired, zombie looking Fred looked like he'd rather stay in bed.
But, time to make the donuts, time to make the donuts, time to make the donuts  ...
eventually, he would get to work and happily make those donuts.

Thanks Fred.
I really love those donuts.

For some reason, that mantra is running through my head this morning.

Time to make the donuts.

Maybe because it's Monday.
Maybe because the high today in my lovely, wintertime town will be a whopping 10 degrees.
But, sometimes, like Fred, I just don't feel like making those darn donuts.

It's toooooooo cold.
or
I'm toooooo tired
or
Can't I just hide today ?
or
I just don't wannaaaaaaa ....
ugh
But, once up and moving, I am very pleased that I did.

I haven't had my second cup of coffee yet but, I'm pretty sure I have a profound thought here.
Somewhere.
yep. yep.

Keep making your donuts.
Keep chippin.
Keep chuggin.
Keep doing.
Because, eventually, you will arrive
& you will be so very happy that you did !

Oh, Yes You Will.

:)

dang, do I have a taste for a donut.

I Am My Feelings

Sunny

I sure don't know what was up with me yesterday.
I awoke to a very negative outlook.
Doubt was hunkering down in my brain.
& I pretty much planned and very easily could have jumped into my nobody talk to me hole.

I tried.
I did try.
But, every time I went in, I got pulled back into positive.

I was given signs throughout the day to stay happy.
But, I didn't pay attention to them as they were happening.

nooooooo.
Yesterday, it seems, I wanted to give all my attention to doubt.
grrrrr.

My first sign that I needed to stay on the happy route was from my daughter.
She had heard a wonderful speech and recommended I listen to it.
So early yesterday morning, as negative was moving in, I listened.
It was beautiful
& everything I needed to hear at that very moment.

Perfect.
I have my sunrise,  my coffee, & an awesome 'YES" speech.
YaY.

Go away negative.
Go away.

Nope.
Still there.

grrrrr.

I had planned on meeting a friend for lunch.
I haven't seen this nice person for 20 years and I was very much looking forward to our reunion.
AND we were meeting at my favorite restaurant.
Can't get any better than that but still, that negative nuisance sat contently cozy in my head.

You know you have a soulmate type friend when the conversation starts right where it left off 20 years ago.
She was my confidante back in the day and thankfully, some things never change.
One of the first things I told this beautiful woman was the doubt I was feeling.

She handed me the words I needed to hear
& an inspirational book that I will treasure forever.
It was a perfect lunch and another awesome sign to stay in the happy.

But noooooooo.

It took awhile, but that darn falter bug was bound and determined to pick at my brain.
"I'm BACK ...!"

grrrrrrr !
GO.
AWAY.
Once again, I was listening to that pessimistic parasite.

Then out of the blue, comes a cheerful text from my jolly sister.
She had just caught up on my blog and she filled me up with enthusiastic words.
Precise timing on her part.

This time, I got the message.
This time I booted the negative out.

Good riddance guy.
& btw... stay out of my brain.

I grabbed my guitar and strummed my strum and ended the day thinking about all my positives.

I was knocked upside the head with affirmative yesterday and yet, I still came thisclose to jumping into a gloomy hole.
Thank goodness for my people.
Thank goodness for my signs.

I was reminded that a force field of sunny is available every single day.
Handed over.
Waiting to be noticed.
Wanting to be found.

Took me forever but, I'm glad I noticed
& so pleased that I found.

Next time Mr Negative comes a calling ...?
He ain't getting in.

I'll be concentrating on my positives instead.

:)


I Am My Feelings

Vertical

I'm vertical again.
YaY

I'll be living life without ibuprofen
& I'm breaking up with my heating pad today.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.
Waaa.

It sure has been an interesting couple of days.

From Friday's, uh oh what have I done ?
To Saturday's, hey, I can do this.
To Sunday's, weeeee ! pain free glee.
To Monday's, but, I love my heating pad ...

These days have been very, very different from my norm.

Those first couple hours, when I felt trapped in my chair, all I could think of was the
 'Oh No's.
I'm supposed to go ....
I need to do ...
I want to ...
I have to ...
etcetera ... etcetera ... etcetera ...

OH. NO.

My mind was racing with a million little must dos.
I must.
I must ...!

But, after sitting a few hours in the quietness of my upstairs, I realized ....
I really liked the shhhhhhhhhhh.

Just shhhhhhhhhh.
It's all good.

& yep.
It really was all good.

I truly enjoyed the stopping.
The quiet.
The stillness.

I 'lost' four days but, I gained so much.
& I never thought hurting my back could bring my heart such contentment.

I'm vertical again.
YaY.
And I'm happy to be getting BACK to my busy.

Especially with the knowledge that a wonderfully quiet, unbusy, shhhhhhhhh world is just an upstairs, a chair and a heating pad away. 


:)

I Am My Feelings 













 

Team Ouch

What should have been a very easy decision yesterday, turned to an hour long debate in my head.

Take a prescribed, heavy duty drug for my aching back
or
Not.

Simple right ?
When in pain, stop the pain.
That would be the common sense way of thinking.
But, more often than not, common sense seems to elude me.

The Battle Royale in my brain centered on this simple fact.
If I felt the pain
aka ... Team Ouch
I would sit still.

If I felt no pain
aka ... Team Ahhhhh
I'd feel the need to be busy with the busyness I've avoided because of my pain.

Got it ??
Good.
Cause there's more.

The ache in my back was pretty intense yesterday morning.
& the over the counter medicine just wasn't working.
So, after a much too long conversation with Team Ouch and Team Ahhhhh ...
I caved.
I took the heavy duty drug.

I immediately loved Team Ahhhhh.

Helloooooooo, wonderful relief.
Where have you been all my life ??
Backache ?
Who said anything about a backache ?!?

I felt good.
Too good.

The need to get things done took over my brain almost instantly.
I hadn't felt this good in days, years ...!... & I had to get something accomplished.
What to do ?
What to do ?!?

Forget the joy of being still.
Forget my writing.
Forget my Mandy strumming.
I had much more important business on my agenda
& I needed to do get busy.
Now.

Weeeeeeee.

It took every restraining cell I have in me to remain somewhat planted in my chair

& that, my friends ...
Is my dilemma with prescription pain stoppers.

You see, I need that pain to keep me immobile.
A heating pad and a lot of ache works best for me.
I want the agony so I can tell when I'm feeling better.
I must calculate my misery.

If I'm hurting, I'm not moving.
If I'm not moving, I'm healing.

So simple.
right ?
Right ??!!?

Right.

Anyways ...
It looks like from now on, I'll be sticking with Team Ouch.
Yep.
Hurts so good.

So sorry about that, Team Ahhhhh.
Nothing personal.
It's been fun. 
Real fun.
Just a little too much fun ....

Woooooo  Woooooooo.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Stop.

So.

I was putting my slippers on after my shower because my feet are always so darn cold
&
wham
I felt a shift in my back that was rather unpleasant.

A blackout feeling took over my brain
& I maneuvered my way over to the only thing available to sit on, the toilet.
oy

Deep breath.
Deep breath.
NONONONONONONO
You are not going to black out, I told myself.
Nope.  Nope.  Nope.
&
thankfully, I didn't.
The feeling subsided.

But ... now what do I do ?

Well.
I sat there.
& sat there.
& sat there, until I was brave enough to attempt whatever was going to be next.

It was very slow, very steady and not very easy but, I made my way to an upstairs bedroom.
That sounds far.
It wasn't.
I was already upstairs.

I gently settled myself in a chair that happened to be sitting there.
whew.
I had a feeling I would be hunkered down in this chair for a long while.
I was correct.

That was two days ago
& yep.
Here I still sit.

I have made a few moves since early Friday morning.
I'm pretty sure I've perfected the art of walking gingerly, so that's cool
& I can lie down on the bed.
Getting back up is an interesting sight to see but hey, whatever works.
Whatever works.

My best bet though, is to sit patiently and wait.
My back is telling me to be still.
& so, I am being still.

Husband has been kind enough to set me up with a few of  life's necessities.
My notebook and pen.
My laptop.
My phone charger.
An occasional PBJ.
& my guitar is sitting ever so faithfully next to me.

Remember what I said about going with the flow ?
Yep.
I definitely have to follow my own advice these days.
& like it or not, I am going with the flow.

I've been using my sitting still time to write.
And yesterday, the top half of me felt good enough to practice my guitar.
Oh Mandy.
Here I come.

For some reason or another, my back decided it wanted me to stop.
STOP.
I'm not going to question why.
I will just sit hear and listen to what my body is telling me.

I will write.
& I will strum my version of Mandy until my back feels 'normal' again.
& yeah.
I am very ok with it.

Because sometimes, you have no other choice but to go with that flow.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Slow & Steady

I finally got back to my guitar strumming the other day.
It's been a very long while since I've practiced
& it most definitely showed.

ouch.

The chords that were sounding so good before, sound very beginner-ish now.
Looks like I'll be starting over.
Again.

I  was thinking about my guitar as I stepped outside to shovel snow yesterday.
I was upset at myself.
I had neglected my strumming and my New Year 'Mandy' promise.
boo.

With my mad at me but, happy to be shoveling face on, I began the process of moving snowflakes.
& that's when something wonderful occurred to me.

I finally realized why I love tedious tasks.
Tasks like shoveling snow, pushing a lawn mower over an acre of land, stacking a mountain of wood into a tidy wood pile ...
Tasks that I've been called coo coo for doing and even coo coo-er for loving.

I adore these things because of the slow and steadiness of it all.
WHY has this not entered my brain before ?!?
Slow and steady baby.
Of course !

One shovel of snow + one shovel of snow + one shovel of snow = I did it !
It's so simple.

No matter what task or chore or lesson or whatever life hands over.
If taken one little bit at a time.
Handled slow and steadily.
Boom.

Accomplished.

I love it !
LOVE. IT.

&
THAT is how I know I will be strumming Mandy on my guitar one day.
YaY

:)

I Am My Feelings