Whispered Reminder

I'm kinda in Limbo Land these days.
Stuck somewhere between what I should do, what I want to do and what I have to do.

What I should do is get back to my 'too much stuff ' sorting and other miscellaneous business that needs to get done.
What I want to do is place myself in a mountain cabin where I can live amongst nature and write my days away.
But what I have to do is sit tight, face forward and trust.

So many times in this not so predictable life of mine, I have been detoured by this, that and other things
& so many times I have swayed, faltered, fought and fretted every step of the way.

Somewhere down the line though, I stopped questioning, whining, wondering and worrying.
Because somewhere down that line I shifted my brain to 'believe'.
Now, all I have to do is quietly whisper 'Jesus'
& my mind is calmed, the noise is hushed and all the swirly whirly circumstances settle into perspective.

It's so easy.

With that wonderful hum I am reminded, once again, that 'yes, I can'
Yes. I will.
Yes, I must
& I carry on with a confidence like no other.

'Jesus'
That word. This friendship
& life really is So.Very. Simple.

:)

I Am My Feelings

My Characters

Ok.

So you know about Wicker Walk Man.
The 'he looks, I smile, he looks away' guy

&
You know about my soon to be BFF, Mr Smiles.
I love him so

&
I've told you about Forrest Gump
fyi ... he's still running

&
I've mention Mr and Mrs Black Squirrel a time or two
btw ..
I haven't seen them since early spring
& yes, I am worried.

Welp .. 
I've got a few new personalities to add to my growing cast of characters.

First up.
Mr Comedian.

As I was walking last week, this big, tall man came out of nowhere and slipped into my counterclockwise route.
No worries.
My only dilemma at that moment was wondering if I should speed up my steps to pass him or let him keep the lead.
It took a whole second to answer that question.
His legs were very long.
Mine are not.

So there we were.
Settling into our strides.
Enjoying our world.

All of a sudden this big, tall man starts yappin it up with the clockwise people as they strolled his way
& he was loud.
I could hear him nice and clear over the music in my ears.
He would playfully, randomly, unexpectedly ask these walkers silly, nonsense questions.
Some of the people returned his commentary with their own little yuk yuks
but most looked at him with a "You Talking To ME ?!?!" startled look
& as we continued walking and his long legs took him away from my short legs, I could see that his jokes were just not working
& soon he switched to walk, instead of walking talking.

I'm so hoping he doesn't give up his comedy routine.
Please don't stop, Mr Comedian.
Keep trying.
You audience is out there, somewhere.
I just know it.

& next ...
I call her, Solemn.

I'd say she is the female version of Wicker Walk Man but, she's not.
She's got a great smile.
It's halfhearted and fragile but, it's there.
She just always looks so sad right before she smiles.
As if she is carrying some big, honker weight of the world on her shoulders.

I think I've noticed her and wonder about her because she reminds me of me.
The me walking that wonderful walking trail days, weeks, months after my mama died.
Anybody looking at my face in those dismal days would have thought the very same thing.
'She looks so sad'
Because I was.

But I kept walking and walking and walking some more
& the sadness slowly, magically disappeared
& that's what I'm hoping happens with Solemn.

Keep walking girl.
Just keep on walking

& maybe,
just maybe ...
You will cross paths with a very tall man named Mr Comedian,
a jolly Jolly dubbed Mr Smiles,
a runner called Forrest,
a lovely young couple known as Mr & Mrs Black Squirrel
and yes,
even Wicker Walk Grumpy Pants
&
hopefully ...
This awesome cast of characters will help bring your heart back to happy again too.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Quando

My mother LOVED Engelbert Humperdinck.
His albums were forever on our family stereo.
His voice was the background music to my growing up years
& although I like almost every Engelbert song ever recorded, my personal favorite has always been 'Quando Quando Quando'.

That song brings back such wonderful memories of dancing, singing and even drying the dishes.
Seems there was always plenty of laughter and fun when Engelbert was around.

& so
It is no surprise that Mr Humperdinck is amongst the many artists on my walking tunes playlist
& just so you know, 'cause this is important to my story, I always shuffle up my songs.
I like the not knowing what's coming up next.
It's such a mystery.

Sooooo
As I was walked my walk last Saturday evening, I approached a familiar curve in the road
& as I made this slight turn, a critter came scurrying past my feet.
He was a very dark black, mousy looking guy but, I don't think he was a mouse.
I'm not really sure what he was but, as long as he wasn't a spider or snake, we were cool.
This little fella was in a hurry though
& our paths crossed at exactly the same moment.
When I spotted him, I did this fancy little jig to avoid stepping on the tiny dude.
I would never forgive myself  if I had squooshed nature.
Thankfully, I didn't.
He safely went his way and I went mine
& as I moved along thinking, 'Well that was weird', Engelbert Humperdinck began singing 'Quando' in my ears.

YaY
I love that song.

Sunday rolled around
& I walked my evening walk, yet again.
And as I approached the very same curve in the road where I saw Mr Scurry Black Critter, I saw a deer.
She was just standing there, looking at me as if she had expected me to be there.
I kept walking closer and closer and she kept calmly gazing at me.
Sudden voices and laughter from the other side of the curve frightened her though, and she took off for the safety of the trees
& as I moved along thinking, 'Well that was weird', Engelbert Humperdinck began singing 'Quando' in my ears. 

I can go months, MONTHS without hearing 'Quando' on my shuffling playlist
& now I heard it two days in a row
AND I'm having these lovely, odd encounters with nature.

Helloooooo Signs ! ! !

So Monday is next.
But, there was no trail walking on Monday.
Nope.
I decided the grass needed to be cut and on grass cutting day I get more than enough steps on my step tally.

step step

So there I was sitting on my porch chair, putting on my grass cutting shoes when I noticed the clouds.
All fluffy and pretty and wonderful
& as I looked straight up to catch that awesome view, I saw a perfectly formed, heart shaped cloud shining down upon me.

WoW

I grabbed my phone, took a pic, put my music in my ears and ..... and ....
Nope.
It wasn't Engelbert.
It was Elvis.
He sang 'Burning Love' to me
& THAT was one of my mama's very favorite Elvis songs


Hi Ma ! ! !
I love you too !

Signs.
I'm telling you they are everywhere.
Everywhere !

Pay attention.
Notice.
Be open to them.
If given the chance to be seen, they will most definitely be seen.

I just can't wait to see what my Tuesday brings.

! ! ! ! !

:)

I Am My Feelings

Eddie

Certain people have helped shape my life.
Certain people were a part of making me who I am today.
What I believe, how I feel about things.
I became Me because of certain people.

Eddie was one of my certain people.

Eddie walked into my life as my uncle's friend. 
He was part of my childhood to adulthood.
My growing up years and beyond.
I don't really remember life before Eddie.
He was always there.
He was family.

Eddie died about 8 1/2 years ago.
He left us around Christmas.
I know this because a few short months later, Mom left us around Easter.
I called Uncle when Eddie died.
Uncle called me when Mom died
& we cried, laughed and tearfully joked that these departures were 'ruining' our holidays.

Right before he left, I had this nagging feeling that I should tell Eddie exactly how I felt about him.
I know he knew I loved him but, I don't think he realized just how important he was to me.
A phone call.
A greeting card.
A something.
I should send or tell Eddie something.

But, I didn't.
Life got in my way and I said nothing.
To this day, I sure wish I would have said that something.

I've been thinking about Eddie a lot lately.
I figure Eddie must be reminiscing too because he is hunkered down in my head.
I can feel his presence around me.

So listen up, Eddie.
I want you to know what I should have told you years ago.
From you, I learned to follow what I want to do.
To become what I need to become.
To like myself, as I am
& yes Eddie, I now know that when my inner voice tells me, NAGS me to do something,
to say SOMETHING ...
I will do it.
I will say it.
Now.
Today.

Thanks for all you were and all you did my Eddie friend.

Oh and btw ...
Thank You, Uncle.

You are most certainly my 'certain people' too.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Mr :)

I've found him.
I have finally found him
& in my mind I have christened him Mr Smiles.

This man of my dreams has the biggest, best smile I have ever, ever seen
& what's even better, he shares that sweet happiness.
He passes out smiles.

I've seen Mr Smiles a few dozen times on my evening walks.
When I first saw him I thought, 'what a pleasant face ! That man must be having a very good day'.
But then our paths crossed again
& again
& now I know he's a Jolly
& my oh my, how I do love those Jollies.

I can see Mr Smile's smile long before he smiles at me.
He shares it with others on our walking path.
I'm hoping those people appreciate his teeth as much as I do.
But, I'm betting he's getting a lot of glee in return.
He is simply contagious.
Mr Smiles happily dares you not to smile back.

He doesn't know this yet but, I love him
& I am sure we are destined to be friends.

So until we officially meet Mr Smiles, you cover the clockwise route
& I will handle the counterclockwise.
Together I know we will conquer the world !
One wonderful smile at a time.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Fess Up Thriller

I heard Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' on my oldies station yesterday.
I love that song but, it really bothered me that it was considered old enough to be an 'oldie'.
So I Googled.
The release date for that album was November 30, 1982.

hmmmm

I remember that day.
Thriller was all MTV had talked about for weeks so I was ready.
It was one of those stop everything ! moments for me
& yep, Michael Jackson's masterpiece was definitely a game changer.

Remember the 'Thriller' dance ?

I do.

I've always wanted to dance that dance.
Why I didn't learn it thirty-some years ago is beyond me.
Maybe it's because I was born with 0% dance skills & 100% too chicken to try.

yep yep
that's it

Every time I hear that song though, I have this vision of me.
Yeah. Me.
Out there on that dance floor dancing that Thriller dance like no one has ever danced that Thriller dance before.
& Ooooo I am gooooooood.
I even throw a couple extra moves in there just because I can.
Oh, Yes I Can.

... you start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes ...

ummm
oh, no I can't
I really, really can't.

yikes.

I sincerely apologize for those rather disturbing images.

Fess
Fess

:)

I Am My Feelings

Fess Up Fesses

It started with a Milk Dud
& almost a year later, I am still Fessing Up on Fridays.

my, oh my ...

& I'm  trying to make it to my one year anniversary but, I'm not too sure I can.  
Truth be told, I am running low.
I do believe you have heard them all.
I just might have to retire.

Now before you get yourself all bent outta shape and upset, I said 'might'
Or, as my dad is known to say ... "We'll see. We'll see"
I'm still thinking about it ...

For now though, just because I have nothing else to offer, here is a one year's supply of my spilled secrets.

Behold.
My Friday Fess Up List :

Football
Cigarettes
Car Washes
Food
Psychedelic Lollipops
Public Speaking
Pet Peeves
Baseball
Halloween Costumes
Messed up Lyrics
Happiness
Hopping
Eating way too much on Thanksgiving
Holiday Letters
Holiday Party Envy
Miscellaneous this & that's
Barbie
My Worst Hangover
My Ways
Nothing
Fear of Spiders
BIG HUG
Coffee
Faking Sickness
#!!#%&#!!
Blinking
JAWS
Signs
NCAA Brackets
Parking in the Boonies
Jesus
Ferns
Being a Taurus
Mandy
Hats
Mom's Day Proud
Steps
Roundabouts
Tidy Beds
Sweetie, Honey, Babe
Feet
Broken Lawnmowers
Grump
Eves
Hot Flashes
WoW
Wannabe Badass
&
Voicemail Babbling

Good Heavens.
That's a lot of classified material.

Where will my Friday Fess Ups go from here ?
Right now, it is a mystery and shall remain a mystery until another Friday is upon us ...

Please Stay Tuned
&
Please, please don't fret.
Remember, it is only a fess.

:)

Fess
Fess

I Am My Feelings

Power Off

ahhhhhhh.

Did I just get a good night's sleep or what ?!?!!
Ten hours.
Straight through.
I cannot tell you the last time I had ten, eight or even six hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Wooo Hoooo

& I'm handing out kudos to an angry bee.
I think he sank some sleep syrup into my body.

zzzzzz

Yesterday evening, right before I was heading out to catch a sunset, I decided to haul the recycle bin to the curb.
So I did.
Then I came back to where the garbage can sits and stood there for a serious minute debating.

This humongous can had only one stinky bag in it ...what was the point of moving it for one stinky bag ?
But, it was stinky.
That was the point.
P.U.
So there I stood.
Hemming and hawing about this silly garbage can.
hmmmmm.
should I or shouldn't I ?
hmmmmm
After much too much time thinking about it, I grabbed the handle to pull it to the curb.

stinky won.

& that's when the angry critter got me.
Whatever he was doing at that precise moment on the handle of my garbage can, I do not know.
But that bee was not happy that I interrupted him.

zap.
sting.

Now, I've been stung plenty of times in my life, so it really wasn't a big deal.
It was more of an annoyance because I wanted to get to my walking trail and now I had a flippin bee sting to fix.
So I walked that humongous, smelly garbage can to the curb, annoyingly plopped it into it's place and  mumbled something about Team Stinky.
grrrr

Then I went back inside the house with my brand new bee sting.
I grabbed the baking soda and water.
I made the baking soda and water paste that always works on bee stings.
I slopped that goop all over my finger
& I and sat on the couch to wait for the paste to do it's magical thing.
All the while thinking, I just have to get to my sunset.
It's gonna be a good one

& that's when it happened.

For some reason, after I took the bee paste off my finger that couch looked like the most beautiful, comfortable place in this whole wide wonderful world.
So I grabbed my pillow, a nice cozy blanket, forgot all about the sunset and powered off instead
& that was the end of that day.

They say everything happens for a reason
& I agree.

Why I needed to debate the garbage can is beyond me.
Why my hand needed to touch that handle at the exact moment that bee hovered there = Don't ask me Bob.
All I know is that I received the best night's sleep ever, ever EVER in return.

Thanks Mr Angry Bee.
I needed that.

zzzzzzzz

:)

I Am My Feelings

FlaiL

I went to an outdoor concert last night and it was fantastic.
Sister, Daughter, Daughter's BF and I saw an unbelievably awesome performance by two legendary bands.
Earth Wind & Fire and Chicago.
Oh Yeah.
It was good.

& it's no secret that I love people watching.
So this was perfect.
I find watching people at a musical event especially fun and interesting.

Now, I've never been much of a dancer.
I mean, I will and I have at weddings and such, but given the choice, I'd rather sing.
Or pretend I can sing.
So I'm very envious of the wigglers of the world.
The first ones on, last ones off the dance floor people.
The movers and shakers.
Those whirly, twirly swingers.
Yep.
You know who you are.
I call you the 'Flailers'.

& I absolutely adore your flailing.
You feel the music and you just gotta move that body.
FUN !

And so ...
I was amongst many flailers last night, including my sister who found it almost impossible to contain her glee.
Weeeeeee.

But I zeroed in on one person in particular.
This woman was into her moment, this moment.
She was feeling the vibes, the rhythms of the night
& she was enjoying
& there ain't nothing wrong with that.

I call her a flailer but, that sounds like she was thrashing about.
She wasn't.
She was simply enjoying.

Apparently though, her movements bothered the person she was with.
Her husband or boyfriend or whoever he was seemed perturbed
& about halfway through the concert he just couldn't hold his negativity in.
He whispered something into this wonderful woman's ear
& whatever he said worked, for him at least.
He wanted to stop her dancing and that's exactly what he did.
She sat her body down on their blanket and did not move.
Not once
& soon after, they left.

I'm thinking about that incredible concert this morning
& that woman.
I'm sad that her happy bubble was popped
She was bothering no one, except her negative, joy smothering nellie.

boo.

Do me a favor, Flailers.
Please keep on flailing.
Don't stop
& never, ever let anyone box up your bliss.
If you're feeling that music, you show all of us non flailers how it's done.
Enjoy your moment baby !
Cause there ain't NOTHING wrong with that.

:)

I Am My Feelings