Hey Jude

My mama was a big Saint Jude fan.
I mean BIG.
She loved the guy
& I would place a hefty wager that her adoration continues.
I'm pretty darn positive once she got past those pearly gates, said Hi to Jesus and her peeps, she found Saint Jude.
They are now heavenly pals.

St Jude was everywhere in our house.
Pictures, statues, holy cards.
Siblings and I each received and were asked to carry a Saint Jude medal with the hope that we'd always keep him near.
The grandchildren and great grandchildren were also advised of the power of the man.

Through the years, when one of us would hit a bump in the road, Mom would always call upon her buddy Jude, for help.
He is the Patron Saint of Lost Causes.
"Lost causes ?!?? gee, thanks Mom" we'd giggled every time.

Mom never doubted her beloved Saint Jude and his prayer of help in desperation
& in return, he was a very devoted friend.
Mr. Jude ALWAYS came through to help Mom solve her woes and calm her worries.

Dad has a family picture that sits on the shelf where Mom kept it.
It's from their 40th wedding anniversary.
Brothers, sisters, mother and father all shined up and pretty for that special day.
Everyone smiling in unison.
Nobody blinking or looking like a goof.

Mom faithfully kept a Saint Jude near that momentous picture but, she turned the statue so that her guy was always staring, concentrating on us.
No looking into the living room, dude.
You have to be on constant guard of this sorry crew.

One day, when I was very much feeling the need for the Saint Jude magic, I took that little statue and scotch taped him directly onto me.
That's right.
Forget all the other people in the picture.
I'm the most desperate right now.
Help ME,  mister.

So.
There he was.
Hanging in midair, scotch taped to yours truly.
"Cmon Saint Jude" ... I whispered ..."do your thing !"
& with my selfish mission accomplished, I confidently said my 'talk to you tomorrow' to Mom and Dad, and went back to my house.
I neglected to mention that I scotch taped Saint Jude to ME.

The next morning, I answered the phone to a quite befuddled and very exasperated Mom.
"JACKI ! ! ! ! ! !"
Seems my mother had experienced a jump out of her skin moment.

She was dusting and came across Saint Jude
& was convinced she had just witnessed a supernatural phenomenon.
A hovering Saint Jude !
Here to save her desperate Jacki !
Call a priest !

After Mom settled down, we laughed until we cried
& every time I go to Dad's, I smile.
Like a sentry soldier, that statue is still holding vigil. 

The tag team of all tag teams.
The Dynamic Duel.
Together forever.
My mama and her BFF miracle worker, Jude
& with the daily earful he receives from that little lady ... ? ...
The man really IS a saint.

:)

I Am My Feelings

The Curly Hair Line

It was hot, humid, sticky and incredibly uncomfortable, 26 years ago today.
Or so remembers me.
I was very much pregnant with Child # 3 and I was agitated, irritated and HOT.

It was a Saturday.
I was at Mom and Dad's with Child # 1 & 2.
Husband was busy, spending his time readying a house we were hoping to sell.

Mom and Dad had a pool, thank goodness
& the kids gleefully played and were cured of any grumpys by that cool, wonderful water.
Me ?
I sat on the patio swing and grumbled.
I just couldn't get my oversized body in a cozy position
& instead of getting in the pool or going into the air conditioned inside, I decided to sit in that heat and growl.
grrrrr.

Mom and Dad had big plans that night
American Legion Post 16 was having their Officer Installation and Dad was an Officer
& as the day progressed, they readied themselves for their festivities.

"Bye ! Have Fun !" said defenseless Youngest Sister as they happily drove away.
Poor Her.
Left alone with crabby me and my active children.

As we sat on the front porch watching the kids play, I asked Sister an unusual question.
If she had to, could she drive Dad's big, honker work van to take me to Husband ...? ...
Ummmm
Yeah
I guess so
Why ??

You see.
It was the days before cellular devices
& there was no telephone at that soon to be sold house.
The only way to let Husband know that this baby I was carrying might be arriving sooner than we thought was to drive the only thing available
& that was Dad's big, honker work van.

My little sister did just that.
She slow and steadily maneuvered me and my children to Husband.
Mom was called in the meantime.
I remember her walking into our house all pretty and dolled up, but oh so ready to watch her grandchildren.

& so,
Off to the hospital Husband and I went
& not too much later, a 10 lb daughter entered our lives.
I'm told when it was announced at American Legion Post 16 that 'It' was a girl, the crowd went wild.
wooooo wooooo !

I've often told this youngest child of mine that when Jesus was passing out patience she lingered a bit too long in the curly hair line.
She's a sucker for her grandpa's mashed potatoes and her mama's meatloaf
& I swear she came out of the womb talking and hasn't stopped since.
This little girl has been on the move since she arrived.
She has a plan.
She is determined
& she is bolder and braver than I will ever be.
She will most definitely get to where she is going.

Happy Birthday Child # 3 !

That hot, humid, sticky, incredibly uncomfortable day 26 years ago brought me one bubbly, curly headed, busy You.

YaY. YOU.

:)

I Am My Feelings

The Big Purge

We keep saying we're going to do it.
Yep.
One of these days. One of these days. One of these days
& just as quickly as it's muttered, life happens, we get sidetracked and yet another year slips through the cracks.
oy.

But, this time is for real.
THIS  time, we actually are.
WoW.
WoW
& WoW.
We actually are.

Husband and I call it the Big Purge.
Closets, dresser drawers, cabinets, garage, attic ...
You name it, it's on the list of "WHERE in the world did this come from and WHY is it still here ?!?".
Things we haven't thought about or seen in a very long while are being hauled out and analyzed.
hmmmm.
hmmmm.
hmmmm.

Trash or treasure ?
Throw away or recycle ?
Ebay or yard sale ?
Keep or give away ?

Give away.
I've never really thought about it, never ever realized.
All those years of donating to the Good Will box or placing a few things on the porch for AMVETS, you'd think I'd have noticed.
But, this is different.
These are actual people.
This is happiness in motion.

The smiles, the kindness received, the genuine appreciation, the BIG HUGS.
All from simply deciding to give something that we don't need anymore to someone who absolutely needs that something.
It's an awesome feeling of gratitude.
For them.
For us.

Makes me think.
Makes me thankful
& yes, I am humbled.

Simple stuff.
Simple actions.
Simple glee.

Yep.
The Big Purge is officially On.
We dreaded it, procrastinated it, found millions of avenues around it.
Who knew we'd enthusiastically enjoy it too ?

:)

I Am My Feelings

 

Seek. Find.

So I caught myself doubting yesterday.
Again.
Yep.
Even though time after time after time, I swear I'll never, ever, ever, ever ...
I did.
I do.

I'm blaming it on the Full Moon.
Seems whenever that guy comes along, the questions start creeping into my brain.
The whyyyyyyyy's ???
The whennnnnn's ???
The WHAT am I doing ? ? ! ? ! !

Boo. Flippin. Hoo.
There's a million problems in this world and I'm going to spend the day whining about me, myself and I ??
Nope.
Oooooo NO I won't.

But, I did.
I so did.

rats

& when it became obvious that this was the direction my yesterday was headed, I scurried off to my happy place and took a walk.
Look to the skies, pay attention to nature, I said to me.
Be alert to those forever present signs
& guess what ?
Guess what ?!?

It worked.

YaY.

Clouds.
I found my answers in those wonderful clouds.
Hearts and smiles.
Smiles and hearts.
They were everywhere
& I mean Every. Where.
The doubts, questions and woes were erased just like that ! poof !
Gone.

For now, at least.
No doubt, they will be back.
Try as I might, they just keep coming back.
urgh.
But, next time, every time, all the time, I KNOW where I'll find my solution.

When in doubt, look up, look around my friends.
Nature is patiently waiting to be noticed
& if you seek, you most definitely will find.
It's guaranteed happy, guaranteed I got this, guaranteed peace of mind.

For always.
Forever.
For. Sure.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Go Go Go

The only video game I've ever played in my whole, entire life is PacMan
or maybe it was Mario Brothers ...?
ummmm.
I don't remember.
It was one of those way back in the day, original guys.
Oh and Pong.
I've played Pong.

My point being, I don't play video games or iphone games or whatever you call those millions upon millions of electronic games.
Not that there's anything wrong with them.
It's just not me or how I choose to spend my time
& I know this is going to sound all old and fuddy duddy but hey, I'm an old fuddy dud.
I  can sound any ol which way want.

YaY.

So.
I went to my favorite park to walk my favorite walking trail two evenings ago
& what I saw, I've never seen before.
A strange phenomenon, it 'twas.
My path was crowded with young adults.
I mean REALLY crowded with young adults.
Groups of two, three, four
& at first I thought, 'How Wonderful ! The twenty-somethings are out enjoying this very lovely evening !"
until the light bulb went on in my head and I realized.
Yep.
Those young people had only one thing on their mind, one thing in common.
There was a critter on the loose !!
A Pokemon Go critter
& those sweet looking men and women were bound and determined to find him.

Step Step
Stop
Look at phone.
Look up.
Aim phone
Talk amongst themselves.
Continue.

Step Step
Stop
Look at phone
Look up
Aim phone
Talk amongst themselves.
Continue

It was amazing.
They came in droves.
I've never seen my trail so packed with twenties.

The good news is ...
Exercise !
Yippee !
We were all getting our daily exercise !!
But, as I walked my always beautiful walk and the peeps continued to clamor and unite in their invisible critter hunt I couldn't help but giggle.

Hellooooooooo !?!??
Look around you silly youngsters !!
Do you have any idea what you are missing as you remain steadfastly glued to your device ??

The clouds were AMAZING.
The trees were incredibly GREEN.
The squirrels were giddy in their frolic.
The birds were happily chirping their infinite TUNES.
The shadows were AWESOME.
The Sun's departure !!
The Moon's arrival !!
It was all soooooo FANTASTIC !!

& as I step, step, stepped along that delightful trail of mine enjoying each and every little thing I saw, I blissfully mused ...
hmmmmm.

I will never, ever understand the pull of those video games.
Nope.
No, I won't.
But that's quite ok.
You continue to search for your Pokemon critters, youngins.
You Go ! Go ! Go !
I'll be right here when this latest fad passes.
Very, VERY much enjoying my fuddy duddy view.

 :)

I Am My Feelings

 


  
 

 

Dear Fitbit:

It's Day 6 and I have to admit, I am struggling.
I'm struggling BAD.

You were attached to my hip 24 / 7, Fitbit.
Every hour of the day, every day of the week for a solid year and a half.
The only time we parted ways was when I took a shower.
That's it
& even then I'd be careful as to not take too many steps without you because we were in this together.
Yep.
Together forever.

You changed my life, Fitbit.
You and your little tabulations.
With you, I knew exactly how many steps I stepped, how many calories I ate, how much weight I may or may not have lost, the precise time of the day ....
Oh Fitbit, the list goes on and on
& those awesome Badges of Encouragement ???
They were THE BEST.
They soooo kept me chuggin along.

We've been through many a challenge together, my tiny friend
& we rocked them, baby !!
ROCKED. THEM.
You and I were quite the steppin team, Fitbit.
We put that extra pep in our fellow challengers' steps, we did.
FOR. SURE. 

I'm sorry I broke you, pal.
I think I just loved you way too much
& I know you tried to tell me you were on your way out but, lalalalalalalalala
I refused to listen.
You flashed your LOW BATTERY sign at me so many times, alerting me of your distress but, I foolishly assumed every battery I replaced was a dud.
DUD.
It was me Fitbit, not you.
I did not realize I was killing you softly with my song.
waaaaaaaa

Oh Fitbit.
I miss you so much I can hardly stand it.
SIX DAYS I have lived without you by my side.
Six long, horrible, I just may not survive this excruciating ordeal, days.

My steps are not the same without you, my calculating buddy.
My heart is aching.
My tears, relentless.
Dare I say, my life is ruined because I need you THAT much.
Yes indeed, I need you THAT much.
Please know that I am yours from now until forever, Fitbit.
FOR. EV. ER.

& I'll be purchasing a new version of you, ASAP.

weeeeeeee !!

Love,
Me

:)

I Am My Feelings

US

"They" are back.

Talking their ugly talk, spitting their hateful hate.

againandagainandagainandagain

Reminding, poking, advising, SHOUTING 

that yes indeed, we are divided.

Very, VERY divided.

"They" continually feel the need to inform, I need to be afraid.

Of you, of her, of the man down the street, the gal on the bus.

Of LIFE.

Oh, and  Don't. Trust. Anyone.

Be angry, be panicked, be mad.

Well, "They", I have to agree with you.

These United States of America have seen better days.

We are torn in many, many ways

& it's painfully sad.

Incredibly heartbreaking.

But, here's where you and I part ways "They".

You thrive on hate

& I absolutely refuse to go where your hate leads.

I'm committed, "They".

To TRUST and HOPE and FAITH

& no matter what you say or how you disguise it, I will never believe you

& I will never, ever follow.

Have you ever thought about changing your ways, "They" ?

Even for a day ?

If not, maybe you should give it a try.

Please.

Just TRY. 

Say Hello to your neighbor.

Smile at that stranger.

Offer a helping hand.

Be kind.

Be happy.

Release that awful anchor from your world for just one day "They" and you will see this Earth we share in a brand new, awesome light.

It's called LOVE, "They"

& it's beautiful.

It's united

& it can be us.

If given one, simple, teeny tiny chance.

I promised you, "They"

Love can, Love WILL be US.

:)

I Am My Feelings 

All You Need Is

For those who are loyal readers of this blog, you know I am repeating
& I apologize.
Quite frankly, I am running out of words, so I redo with the hope that maybe, just maybe, THIS time my simple rambles will help us change, grow, unite and ....

--------------
Love.

It should be so easy.
To feel, to do, to share
& yet, like a shy child, it often cowers.
Afraid to come forward to take that stand.

Hate.
It should be so difficult.
To feel, to do, to share.
& yet, like a schoolyard bully, it continually intimidates.
Muscling through with loud, obnoxious, ugliness.

It's time to speak up, Love.
Time to show the world your incredible power.
The good people are out there waiting, hoping, cheering.
So come out of those shadows, Love.
You've got this.

We've got this.

All we need is you, Love
& the rest should be very, very easy.

---------------

:)

I Am My Feelings

p.s.

So the best holiday of them all, Independence Day, has come and gone
& man oh man ...
What a blast.
But before I move on in life, I want to add a few tidbits.
These little extras are too important to my heart to be swept off to the side.

Every year around one-ish or so-ish on the 4th of July, my family and I gather up and head to the cemetery.
We are off to celebrate with Mom.
It is our lovely tradition that started with her interesting words, "cemetery sparklers".
Mom hoped we would find enough time during our ! America ! revelry each year to share a sparkler or two with her
& we have, we do.
We bring ourselves and our sparklers and we happily celebrate a moment of our holiday with Mom.
It might sound weird.
It might look weird
& honestly, the first year or two, it really felt weird
But now it just feels right and comfortable and wonderful
& the best part of it all is Mom's great grandchildren are the carriers of this tradition.
The youngest in our bunch are our sparklers crew.
Happily in charge, they do it all for a little lady who gave them a cookie even when their mama said "no cookies".
Pure, simple love is the best
& I have a feeling Mom's cemetery sparklers will be sparkling for a very long time.

Another every year tidbit is more of a shout out to my youngest sister.
Long, long before I ever even thought about writing children's stories, my sister gave me an idea.
We were sitting on a blanket in the park watching July 4th fireworks.
Somewhere between the oooos and ahhhhhs we noticed a firework that just couldn't make it.

Up...  Up...  Up ... and ...
nothing
The poor guy just fizzled out.
ooops

We laughed and dubbed that firework "Dud"
& we commented that there's a children's story in there with an 'oh yes you can' ending
& by golly, we should write it.

Every year since Dud first appeared, Sister and I wait, watch, anticipate his yearly arrival
& Dud never disappoints.
He is always there.
& we always giggle about our someday story.

Although I've never penned a firework story, I have written a thing or two since that 4th of July display so many years ago
& I can honestly say that night lit a light within.
I do believe the writer in me woke up with our silly conversation.
It took her awhile to get herself revved up but, she is certainly revved up now
& I can thank my sister and that little dud of a firework for giving me that much needed nudge.

YaY.

Yep.
Birthday # 240 is in the books America
& as always,
It's been wonderful fun.
Wonderful family.
Wonderful memories. 

:)

I Am My Feelings

My Favorite Penny

 'Finding a penny means someone in Heaven is thinking about you'

I first heard those words after Mom died and thought 'How very comforting !'
& each penny I'd find would bring me a brief, wonderful moment of happy.
I'd pick it up, put it in my pocket, whisper 'I love you too' and continue, knowing I had to keep moving on without her.
Sadly, my happy would disappear as fast as it had appeared
& I'd forget all about that copper coin until another came along.

One day, while walking my trail walk, I glanced down and yep, there sat yet another penny.
At the time, I remember thinking, 'YaY ! A penny!' but, for some reason, instead of picking it up, I just kept chugging.
Why I didn't grab that penny, that day is still a mystery to me.
I "collected" them.
They were reminders of Mom, so why not this penny ?

The path I walk is 2.2 miles around
& on most days I am lost in my music, the beauty of the trees and those glorious clouds.
I look up, I look down, I look around, I am in a trance
& this day was no exception.
I had not paid any little bit of attention to where or when I saw that penny.
I saw.
Did not pick up
Forgot.

I sometimes wonder what the odds were of me seeing that penny twice.
One in ten ?
One in a million ?
Who knows.
But, I did.
I so did.
I glanced down at just the right moment and Hellooooooo.
There sat that tiny, shiny.
Again.
The second penny sighting woke me up ! and I happily whispered  'Hey !! A Penny !!!!'

To this day I am convinced someone in Heaven was making a point that day.
I was meant to see twice & twice I did.
My message was received, loud and clear so, I left that lovely right where I saw her
& finished my walk with a happy, content heart.

Years later, I'm still finding pennies, still placing them in my pocket, still talking to Mom.
But, the very best penny EVER will be the one I left behind.
I'm hoping that awesome coin is forever on that path offering it's simple, powerful, uplifting message to those who just might happen to glance down.

:)

I Am My Feelings