Little Birds

I first saw them back in October, all scattered and proper and lined up just so, sitting on that high wire each day.
They reminded me of musical notes
or a coffee clatch.
A gathering of friends meeting up to do their thing, sing their song
& so,
I decided to take their picture.

Why ?

Because of that gentle pull I would feel each time I would walk past.

See us.
Acknowledge us, please.

I would sometimes wonder, do they sit there all day or are they just taking a break ?
& where do they go when they are out of my sight ?
Funny the thoughts that enter my brain when time allows and that pull of nature coaxes me to notice.

& every single day.
Same time, same place.
There they were, there they sat.

But, in the meantime, I wasn't.
The holidays, the weather, the traveling.
Life kept me away from my walking trail, until recently
& truth be told, yeah, I was a little bit curious if they would still be there or did they go off to do what birds do in the wintertime ...
Fly, fly away.

They now remind me of prayers, of meditation, of huddling together through it all, through every storm.
It's rather cold, damp, gloomy outside and the forecast calls for more of the same but, they are determined, united.
Calm
&
Composed.

In sync.

Bickering and separating at times but, always, always coming back into that fold.
Continuity binds them together, keeps them strong.

Yep.
It's funny the thoughts that enter my brain when time allows and nature coaxes.

Thanks for the beautiful lesson, little birds.
I'm so very glad that I noticed.

:)

I Am My Feelings

I'll Start With Me

I can always tell when I've watched too much tv, especially national, breaking news tv.
My brain begins a slow, negative spin.
I start believing what I am hearing.
I look at things differently, I close the blinds, I hide
& I think, yikes ! maybe they ARE right.
Maybe this world really IS an awful, crummy, darn right horrible place.

yikes.
& I do mean YIKES.

Then I snap out of it.
For real, for sure
& bring myself back to simple, to happy.
Because by golly, I AM happy.

I really, truly don't want to be mad.
At you, at him, at her, at them
& I don't have it in me to be ugly.
I just don't.
So if that makes me naive or crazy or just plain stupid then bring on the labels and define me what you will because I absolutely refuse to answer hate with hate.
I can't do it.
I won't do it.

What I CAN do, is start a little something with ME
& what this ME promises YOU is kindness, a smile, a genuine Hello.

Hello.

I'd like to be your friend
& I would love to get to know you.
How alike are we ?
& those differences ... ?
How's about we treasure them ?
Or maybe, at the very least, we can agree to disagree and work on it from there.
Please ?
Please.

All I know is that I want to stay on a 'love thy neighbor as thyself' route.
I have this feeling that a very large percentage of human beings just want to go about their business and have a good day, every day
& I'll take a gamble that most people will respond to KIND with KIND.
Yep
& yes.
It really can be THAT easy.
The domino effect will be beautiful and wonderful and staggering.

I'll start with ME.
You start with You.

Quiet.
Transparent.
Sincere.
Nice.

Call me silly, if you'd like.
It sure beats angry.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Words

awwww words.

There are times when I am at a loss
& times when I've said too much.
Times when I should speak up
& times when it's best to keep quiet.

My words can heal.
Or hurt.
Encourage.
Or discourage.
They might make a day
or just as easily,
Break a day.

My words can be the best.
Or the worst.
Offer sweet hope.
Or dismal defeat.

They are whispered or shouted.
Sung or spitted.
They can love.
Or hate.
Be proud or jealous.

My words can be powerful.
Or weak.
Guarded or expressive.
Treasured or shunned.

They will be left unspoken
or wished to be taken back.
Happy !
Or sad.
Subtle or obvious.

awwww words.
Those mighty, mighty words.

Reminder to Self :
Please Choose Wisely.

:)

I Am My Feelings

My Every Day Happy Book

If there is one thing I love in life, it's a blank sheet of  paper and a good writing pen.
Yep.
Hand me a journal or pad or notebook or any form of lines and ink
& uh huh,
You've got me.

So, it really comes as no surprise that I have a few tools to choose from when I'm looking to jot things down
& I love it.
No offense to technology but, I ADORE pen to papering my words before I internet launch.
It's just what I do
& how I do it.

Lately though, I've been thinking, instead of filling my awesome little books with random scribble scrabbles, I believe I shall theme them.

Themes.
! ! ! ! !
What a great idea
&
so far, oooooh ! so good.

I've dubbed one journal for the signs that I see.
Grandsons' words and observations are filling another
& my wannabe, soon to be stories and poems now have a cute, new place to call home.
But, the memento that is turning into my favorite thing to do, is my 'Every Day Happy'.

weeee.

My plan is to find one single something in every single day that brings glee to my heart
& I gotta tell you, it is sooooo incredibly easy
& not just because I'm sitting in the Land of Fluffy Clouds and Sunshine.
Nope.
It's a zillion other things too.

Like people's helpfulness
or simple kindness,
an out of the blue smile.
Good friends who take the time to do, to say.
It's interesting conversations,
it's yummy meals and pleasant thoughts.
It's the stars at night, the birds chirping in the distance.

You see, happiness is everywhere
& if I choose to seek, I most definitely will find
& believe me, I am finding.

2017.

Eighteen days in and it's been a good one.
But, who knows what life will bring next ?
Maybe this will be a year where absolutely nothing changes
or
Maybe this will be a year where absolutely everything changes.
Although I sometimes wish I was, I am not privy to fate.

But, I do know that no matter what happens
& I truly mean
No. Matter. What. Happens.
I will find a little bit of goodness in today, tomorrow and in the many days that follow because joy is always, ALWAYS reachable, attainable, doable.
Bright is forever THERE.

& on December 31, 2017 ?
Yeah.
I'm pretty positive my Every Day Happy Book will be scrawled and scratched and packed and piled and filled to FULL with a whole, lotta wonderful.

YaY

:)

I Am My Feelings

We Good

Like a little bitty cloud above my head, there it was, hanging around, doing it's thing.
In the morning and into the afternoon.
Nothing was wrong but, nothing felt right.
All was good but, er ...eh ...
EH.
A heavy heart and a jolly heart trying to coexist.
Yep.
It was one of THOSE days yesterday.
With absolutely no reasonable reason to be there, an uneasiness hovered, loomed.

BUT, WHY ???
I pondered and continually asked.
What's up with the moodiness, Self  ??
I mean, seriously.
ALL is really, REALLY swell.
So please, explain

& then it hit me.
The background noise up until that moment of my day was a 24 hour news yappin station.
Ohhhhhh.
Now I get it.
Subliminal as it was, it was.
Whispering, poking, prodding it's way into my thoughts.

Hello Negative.
Long time no see
& nope, I haven't missed you at all.

& so, I turned the insistence off.
O F F
Stepped outside with Grandbaby Boy and ... poof ... gone.
JUST LIKE THAT the gloominess that had enveloped me evaporated.

Shiny sunshine, fluffy clouds.
Friendly neighbors.
Yep.
Life was a-ok once again
& I thought, WOW.

It's smothering is what it is
& if given the opportunity, it will suffocate the daylight right outta you.
Negative.
Pessimism.
Ugliness.
Hopelessness.

UGH.

Our world is what we make of it and how we look at it, my friends
& if we want to see dark and doom, we will always and forever see dark and doom.
But, if we stay in the light, take each day as it gets here and make the space around our very own selves pleasant ?
Yep
A domino effect of positivity is sure to follow
& if I am happy and you are happy and the lady in the office is happy and the guy at the store is happy and and and ...

Hey Negative ?
No need to waste your time around here.
We good.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Could I, Would I

Have you ever thought about organ donation ?

I have, quite often
& for three days in a row now, I've heard references to and read stories about organ donors.
About how life changing their decision was, how fulfilled they feel, how happy their person becomes ...
hmmmm.
Three days in a row.
Maybe I need to pay attention.

I've donated blood.
I've donated plasma.
But could I, would I donate a kidney if asked ?
Or bone marrow or some other kind of something like that ?
I wonder.

My first response would probably be 'NO'
I'm somewhat of a chicken when it comes to doctors and such.
Don't know why.
I just am.
But, if someone I love needed me to donate whatever, whenever ?
I'd do it in a second.
No questions asked.
Done.

hmmmm.

But, how's about a friend of a friend ?
A long ago acquaintance ?
A stranger ?
Where would I draw the line ?
Why would I draw the line ?

hmmmm.

Hats off and many rounds of applause to those who have already been there, done that, gone the donor route.
What an incredibly unselfish act !
You helped another human being in ways I can't even dream
& to know the why's and what if's and everything that went on in your brain to get to the point of 'YES'
Yes, I will donate.
WoW.
I'm in awe of your bravery too.

They say organ donation is the greatest gift a person can give
& I agree.
They also say to inform family and loved ones of your wish to donate should the day happen where you are unable to speak for your own self.
My family knows.
But today, I'd like to speak it loud and clear for all to hear
& this is going to sound all kinds of weird but, if I have a choice in how I'm going to exit this life I soooooo hope I get the opportunity to donate my organs.
Every single, useful one of them.
I'd want to leave my mark making others that happy.

Many, many years ago I found this poem and I tucked it away.
It speaks the feelings I felt way back then, it speaks my feelings now.

THAT'S ME All OVER
by Robert G. Wombacher

It wasn't easy, I'll admit,
To pledge my body, bit by bit.
This one, inhabited by "owner,"
Will one day be an organ donor.
These eyes, through which I've viewed the world,
And watched God's handiwork unfurled.
Will once more help make love's decision,
Or watch cartoons on television.
The kidneys that perform for me
Some function that I do not see,
May help a child regain his freedom,
When come the time that I don't need 'em.
This happy heart with which I'm blessed
May pulse in some young lover's breast,
To yearn for one with words unspoken,
And for the hundredth time be broken.
And when they place what's left of me
Beside some tall, protective tree,
My soul may rise from 'neath the clover
To smile and say, "That's me, all over."

hmmmm.

Organ Donation.
Giving the very best gift of them all.

Just think about it.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Crabby

I was ten years old or thereabouts
& Family and I were on a picnic.
Mom, Dad, Aunts, Uncles, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Grandparents.
Yep, we were all there.

I remember a pond being there too
& I don't recall if we fished but, we looked at, pondered and pestered water critters that day.
All day.
We especially loved the crabs.

Long story short, Cousin and I decided we wanted, we needed, we must, Must, MUST have a crab.
They were so darn cute....!
Can we take one home ?!? canwecanwecanwe ??
They would make THE most perfect pet, Cousin pleaded with her parents and
I to mine.
Please Please PLEASE
Promise Promise PROMISE

 ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Astonishingly, both sets of parents said YES.
Most likely just to shut us up but, hey, whatever works.
& so ...
Cousin and I put our crabs and their water in a cup, Family and I piled into our station wagon,
Cuz and her peeps gathered up
& gleefully we all headed home.

Brothers, Sisters and I were so very happy to have a new member of our family.
A crab !
YIPPEE !!!!

On the way back to our house though, is where the tide turned.
We made a stop at Granny and Grandpa's house.
A dish or something or another needed to be dropped off
& I don't exactly know who's foot or how in the world it happened but, the crab and his cup were tipped over as we pulled into their driveway.

uh
MOM ??!!????

& as that little crab made his way out of his brand new, temporary hideaway, panic set in
& I do mean PANIC.

Yelling ! Crying ! Flailing !
Siblings and I just couldn't get out of that car fast enough.

RUN. FOR. YOUR. LIFE.

& yet, I'm extremely happy to report, we all survived.

The crab though ?
um
Dad put him back in the cup and threw him in the alley garbage.
& I didn't care.
My BFF and I were now enemies and I was traumatized.

TRAU MA TIZED

Just so you know, I had many a nightmare about that wiggly guy, starting that very night and well into infinity.
I was convinced he made his way out of the garbage, back in the car and into my bedroom.
Once there, his evil quest was to forever crawl on me and seek his revenge.

Nowadays, Family and I laugh about the origin of my creepy crawly fear
& I never asked but, hmmm.
Whatever happened to Cousin's tiny pal ?

Oh, if critters could talk.
Ooooooooh, if critters could only talk.

"... & there we were, minding our own business  ..."

gee.
I wonder if Mr Crabby had nightmares about me too ?

:)

I Am My Feelings

Oh Baby

For those of you who are regular readers of my rambles, I apologize.
um
er
Actually no, I don't.

You see, I can't help myself.
It's a force that takes over every single time I am with them 
& every parent or grandparent or aunt or uncle or cousin or friend or human being should surely understand.

Babies
Children
Kids, tots, youngins ...
Whatever you choose to call them.
In their eyes and in those hearts lie all our answers.
All of them

& I know.
I know !
I've said this once, twice, most likely, a gazillion times but you see, I must
I. MUST.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Because it's pure.
It's simple.
It's beautiful and priceless
& if we adults could only grasp just a teeny tiny, inkling of a piece of it's precious-ness ?
my oh my, what a wonderful world this would be

& yes, you've guessed correctly.
I AM visiting those grandboys again
& I can't imagine life getting much better.
I am living in slow motion wonderment
& it's absolutely delightful.

Looking in the wide eyes of a 12 week old who's staring back with a 'who's this strange person' grin, stuffing my much too big body in a child size tent to fly in an 'airplane' again and again and again,
the coos and the dribbles, the BIG HUG welcomes, the "c'mon Gramma, let's play ! ..."
It's messes and yawns and coaxing and crying and love Love LOVE
yep
Where they lead I will follow, with my heart right smack dab on my sleeve.

There's a song by the Oak Ridge Boys that keeps running through my brain these days.
It's called, 'Thank God For Kids'
& if you've never listened, I highly recommend, if only for this perfect sentiment ....

"The nearest thing to Heaven is a child"

It's true.
It's. TRUE.

Look around, my fellow grownups.
Notice the babies, the children, the tots, the youngins
Every single everything we need to know are in those sincere, little faces.
It's genuine, all wrapped up for us to treasure.
It's humility at it's finest.

So please, don't mind me if I seem lost in simplicity these days.
It's because I am.
I so am.

oops. gotta go.
Time to play airplane again.

! YaY !

:)

I Am My Feelings

Sometimes

People think we're crazy
& I suppose, in some ways, we are.

You see, our furnace broke many, many moons ago and Husband and I didn't care.
Nope.
Didn't even bother to fix it.

Because WHY ???

Because we are extremely diligent to our wood stove
& it's a no biggie.
Wood stove experts are what we became and what we have been for a very long time
& all's been fine.
Just fine.

We order wood.
We stack wood.
We use wood.
The wood does it's thing
& we are kept toasty and warm.

YaY.

Until.
Until we leave the house for an extended period of time, like say, a week or two
& an Arctic front decides to blast on through
& then ?
Welp.
Yeah.
It tends to be a tad cold in that house upon our return.

brrrr

Like the last time we ventured off to the Land of Fluffy Clouds and Sunshine.
While we were away, record freezing was recorded by those who record these things
& yep.
BRRRRRR.
We came home to a whopping 35 degrees.

uh huh
35 degrees.

& so, I did what any wood stove user would do.
I started a fire
& not too much later,
warmth.

You know, the older I get, the more I realize, sometimes the best bet is to stay calm, deal with it
& trust.
Just trust.

I was informed recently by social media, my tv and everywhere I looked that there are acts of nature happening all around this world.

A snowstorm here.
A downpour there.
Freezing freeze.
Biting winds

& I truly appreciate all the good, hardworking people who need to be out amongst those extreme elements.
Whether it's traveling to and fro in it, or shoveling it or making a living outside in the middle of it
I getcha.
I gotcha.
It ain't fun and sometimes it just ain't pretty.
But, it's Mother Nature
& Mother Nature has been known to do things every so often that we human beings don't particularly like.
But, even the very, very worst of storms bring sunshine and rainbows, sooner or later
so yep.

The older I get, the more I realize that sometimes, the best bet is to remain calm, deal with it
& trust.
Just trust.

I was on an airplane recently
& as I sat down, buckled up and got myself ready for the flight, I thought,
hey.
These next three hours of my life are completely out of my hands.
Completely, totally out of my hands
& a strange sort of comfort enveloped my whole entire self.
I felt a quiet calm, a readiness to deal and an overwhelming sensation of trust.

ahhhh

Yep.
The older I get, the more I realize that sometimes,
oh sometimes ...

:)

I Am My Feelings

shush

It took me a very, VERY long time to follow my own advice.
But eventually, I did.
& when I did, I changed.
Big time, awesome, happy with myself changed

& what, pray tell, was this super duper advice I offered me ?

To listen to my heart.
Hear what it is telling me.
Follow where it leads.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I can hear you muttering over there.
Easier said than done.
&
I suppose it is.
But, it's most definitely worth that chance.

For so many years, I could hear what I was being told.
Like a daily wake up call.
Continual. Constant.
But, I ignored it.
I shelved it.
Quite honestly, I was just too darn busy to care.
Just shush voice.
Shush.

Then one day, I stopped.
I listened.
I heard.
I followed
& now ?
I'm so very pleased with me.

With ME.
It took a lot of 365's to figure out such an Incredibly. Simple. Thing.

Maybe it's your turn to quiet that swirly, twirly everyday noise around you ...?...
Maybe it's time to stop.
Just stop.
&
shhh
shhh
shhhhhhhh

Hear that ?
It's you.
Whispering, guiding, advising YOU.

Listen.
Follow.

I promise.
You're going to love your own advice.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Illuminated

Signs.

You know I love them.
You know I believe in them
& you know I listen, I follow where they lead.
Signs are everywhere.
Every. Where.
& if I simply seek, I will most definitely find.

Well.
Since you know all this because I've told you a million times, sit back, grab yourself a nice cup of coffee and get ready, my friends, because I have quite a sign story for you today.

But first, you must hear about my farewell letter.
My goodbye cruel world.
My I'M LEAVING !!

Social media, that is.
Facebook.
Twitter.
Instagram.
Yahoo
You name it, it's on the list.
The whole darn internet thing.

It's something I think about every now and again.
I'll disappear.
No one will notice.
No one will care.
Yep
& sometimes the JUST LEAVE ALREADY mantra picks at my brain.
For days and days.
Sometimes, it's visit is very brief.
But, the leave leave leave hum is almost always there.

I know.
I'm a freak.

So, I wrote a letter
& I keep it around for the day that may or may not happen.
The day I jump off the train and go back to my good ol notebook and snail mail.
ahhhh
Peaceful.
Quiet.

So the other morning, maybe about a week ago, I'm kinda sorta feeling that feeling.
Not a bad mood.
Not a good mood.
Just, eh ....
& I'm thinking ... yes ... TODAY is going to be the day.
My. Departure. Day.

& so, I do what I normally do when this mind of mine gets too much noise happening upstairs.
I stand at my back door, look towards the sky and my awesome big, bald tree
& I talk to Jesus.

This particular morning though, I was on a rant
& my BFF was hearing all the waaaa details.
But this go around was different because I'd walk to that back door, talk and stare and do my thing
& then I'd sit down again and write.

Get up
Gripe
Sit down
Write
Get up
Woe is me
Sit down
Write

Until, finally, I just decided to stand at that back door
& ask the question that had been shouting from my heart.

WHAT DO I DO NEXT, my Jesus ??
PLEASE tell me what to do next because I don't have a clue.

I didn't realize that hawk was sitting on my tree.
All those back and forths and I hadn't even noticed but all of a sudden, there he was
& the way the sky was colored at that hour of the morning ?!?
I swear to you that beautiful bird glowed in the dark.
An illuminated hawk is what I saw
& that majestic creature stepped off the fragile branch he was perched upon and he soared into the morning sky.

Illuminated.
He soured.

& WOW
It was breathtaking.
& WOW
I got me a sign.

What do I do next ?
Delete that farewell letter, for starters.

For. Sure.

 :)

I Am My Feelings