Easter Egging

I am a grown-ed up grown-up, so you'd think I'd be over it by now but, truth be told ?
I'm not.
I am sooooo not.

Look.

& look !

& since today is Easter Eve, I'm pretty certain you already know what comes next


! ! ! ! ! 

Chalk it up to warm, lovable memories but, when it come to Easter egging ?
the child in me steps up, hunkers in and joyfully exclaims, "ORANGE !! Make an orange one !!"
& if I could, I would sprinkle the world with this perfect, little glow of happy.

So !
Since there is absolutely no one or nothing stopping me ...

Consider yourself sprinkled !
&
Enjoy your Eve.

weeeeeee.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Every Card

There is a song that pops up quite often on my daily walks
& it hits me like a ton of bricks every time I listen.
It's the garden scene from the 1970 rock opera, 'Jesus Christ Superstar'
& if you've never heard, I highly recommend.

Gethsemane (I Only Want To Say)

I love every single line of those beautiful lyrics. 

"God thy will is hard but You hold every card
I will drink your cup of poison
Nail me to your cross and break me ... "

Those are my favorite words.
Ever.
I've repeated them a zillion times, especially on my darkest days.
They are my knock upside the head, Jesus reminder.

Those words cue me into the fact that no matter what
NO. MATTER.WHAT.
I go through in life
Jesus has been there, He's done that
& He's most definitely "got" whatever "this" I happen to be facing.

He is with me through the good times
& I absolutely know He is with me on those not so goods too.
Every heartache, every inconceivable happening, every 'why me?' or 'what now?' moment.
Jesus is there.

I trust.
He embraces.
My every doubt is erased because of Him.

"I will drink your cup of poison"

He did.
He so did
& I could seriously wad up in a ball and cry just thinking about His incredible selflessness.

Thank you my Jesus, my very best friend.
This heart of mine is yours.

Forever.
Yours.

:)

I Am My Feelings

At The Beep

I was on the phone the other day, all nice and prepared to talk.
I had just dialed the number of an important business guy that I was hoping would handle my important business.

So.
There I am.
All tidy and ready for our big conversation
& then
I get his voicemail.

Please. Leave. A. Message.

Beeeeeeeep

& suddenly,
I turned into a bumbly, babbling, stammering, stuttering scatterbrain.

er... gulp ... well ya see... uh ...

The words just wouldn't come out, so I rattled off some kind of something and quickly, embarrassingly hung up the phone.

Great.
Just Great.
Will my important business guy be able to translate my incoherent words ?!?
I just know he's going to think I'm a bumbly, babbling, stammering, stuttering scatterbrain.
or he will surely wonder if I've been drinking.

oh no
NO

He's going to think I am a DRUNK, bumbly, babbling, stammering, stuttering scatterbrain.

noooooooo 

I don't know what comes over me when it comes to leaving voicemails.
My ! out of order ! light flips on, for sure.
I could write a perfect script of exactly what I will say and I'd still find a way to mess it up.
ummm
Note to Self ?
Just leave a message then STOP TALKING.
I always forget there is absolutely no reason to leave a detailed description of my life.

ooops

Other people I know have such pleasant phone voices, such command of their dialect.
Well placed, intelligent sounding words tumble out of their mouths
& I envy them.
I really do.

Lucky for me though, my important business guy decoded my mystery and called me back at his earliest convenience
&
We had a very wonderful, quite comprehensible conversation.

YaY.

But, yep.
It's true.
When it comes time to talk after that beep ?
I'll do the best darn Porky Pig impersonation you will ever, EVER hear.

Th - th - th - that's all folks !

:)

I Am My Feelings

G L I D E

I type.
I delete.
I type.
I delete.
I argh.
I grrrr.
I fuss.
Until finally,
I lay my head back.
I close my eyes.
I wait.

Oh, Inspiration.
Where are you ??

My mind takes me back to that perfectly blue sky
& them.
Sometimes one, often two, occasionally three.
Hey, there's a hawk.
Did you see that hawk ?
Over and over again they appeared, until their presence became commonplace and expected.
As if a door was opened, a needing to share.

Look up.
Just look up.

Simple.
Elegant.
Beauty.

Calm, easy, strong and continuous was their soar
& that glide !
that oh, soooooo uncomplicated G   L   I   D   E

Powerful.
Determined.
Glorious ...

I hear a car door.
I open my eyes.
I see my laptop patiently waiting for my words.
I wonder.
I hope.
I agree.
Yes.
Life can, life should be that incredibly effortless, Mr Hawk.

Message received.
Message relayed.

:)

I Am My Feelings

 

Bubbles

Read by Ken Guidotti 

Sometimes my hands shake.

Other times I get sweaty.

My heart beats fast.

My mind stops thinking.

My belly feels funny ..… kind of bubbly.

That's me.

My name is Nervous but, you can call me Bubbles.

 

Now … I really don't like to brag ...but ...I just have to tell you this …

I am known by people all over the WORLD.

Why, I would say every single person in the world knows me.

Some talk to me everyday.

Some, just once in awhile.

But, every person in the world knows who I am because every person in the world

gets nervous.

Everybody.

Big adult people.  Little kid people.

Nice people.  Mean people.

Loud people.  Quiet people.

People who live far away.

People who live on your street.

All.  People.

And that is because being nervous is natural.

 

Have you ever had to give a speech?

Or stand in front of a room full of eyes watching you and only YOU?

Oh boy.

Bubbles !

Your hands shake.  Your voice may tremble.

But, it really is ok.

What you are feeling when you are in front of those eyes is exactly what the next

person will feel when they stand in front of those eyes.

Sometimes you see me.  Sometimes not.  But, my bubbles and I are always there.

So don't be ashamed of being nervous because you are not alone.

I am everywhere.

Everybody gets nervous.

 

How about when you meet someone you never met before?

A brand new person in your life.

Ever feel like me?  A little nervous?

It's because sometimes it's just not easy talking with someone you don't know yet.

So...you don't. You just stay quiet.

I guess you think you might say something wrong or silly.

Oh boy.

Bubbles !

You get a little sweaty.

Your mind stops thinking.

But, don't worry.  It really is ok.

Lots of people are nervous meeting someone new.

I'll bet if you talk to that person you will see you have things in common. 

You both like chocolate or pickles or something like that....

But, if you don't talk to each other you will never know !

 

Oh ! Here's another one.

When you try something you have never ever tried before.

Like ...ride a bike... or go to school for the very first time ….or play a game you have never

played.

Yep.

Bubbles !

Your heart beats fast. 

Your belly feels funny.

Guess what?  That is ok too.

You have never ever done this before so of course you are nervous !

I bet you think you might goof it up or someone will be better than you.

I guess that might be true but...if you try it you will learn it.  If you don't, you won't.

Remember everyone who tries something new gets nervous.

Everyone.

Bubbles are everywhere. 

 

Don't ever be afraid of being nervous and be happy you have bubbles.

You are trying new things and meeting new people and it is ok to feel what you feel

Hey, did you know being nervous actually makes you strong?

You want to know why?

Because when you try new things you see that.... You Did It.

Even though you were nervous.... You Did It. 

Then the next time comes along and... You Did It Again !

Pretty soon you are just not so nervous anymore.

And THAT will make you feel strong.

You'll see .  It's true.

Being nervous is natural because everybody gets nervous.

Everybody.

Bubbles really are everywhere !!

 

:)

 

I Am My Feelings

 

 

Yes, Please

We're gonna play play play all day day day !!
is what we sing
& how we do when I am with them.

From dawn to dusk,
here to there,
start to finish.
It is pure, continuous, busy fun
 &
if I haven't mentioned it a million times already ?
I absolutely ADORE spending these moments with the boys I call Grand.

So.
There we were on Saturday night with our pizza party and sleepover
with kudos given to Mommy for setting us up with such a cozy camp out.

YaY

Bellies full ?
check
Pjs on ?
check
Teeth brushed ?
yup
Stories told ?
uh huh
Kisses given ?
yep !

& ahhhh

Goodnight

& as I laid there hunkered, relaxed and completely surrounded by contented quiet,
I noticed.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.

& I thought,
Life.

! ! Life ! !

Precious.
Priceless. 
Fragile and sacred.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.

What a gloriously wonderful gift.

Let us cherish.
Respect.
Enjoy.

& if given the opportunity to play play play all day day day ?
oooooooooh, say Yes, Please.

! Yes !

:)

I Am My Feelings

The Side Road

I'm not a fan of expressways.
That's just tooooo many people in tooooo many vehicles for me and my brain to handle.
If given a choice, I will choose the long way home.
All the time.
Every time.
Because the long way home puts me on the side road
& I adore the side road.

Yes.
It WILL take forever to get there
& yep
There just might be stretches of endlessness.
Rest stops ?
eh.
A locally owned gas station or convenience store is a good way to stretch those legs too. 
uh huh
I know.
I know.
A side road is inconvenient
and slow
and boring
and and and
hey !
couldja pipe down back there and just enjoy the view ?!?

ahhhhhh.
The view.
Now that's what I'm talking about ...!...
That incredibly wonderful view.
Mile upon mile upon mile of gorgeous skies, infinite landscape
& a whole lotta nothing.

Nothing.
But.
Trees.

 ! ! ! ! !

Ooooooo side roads.
How I loooooove those side roads.
Do yourself a favor and go find yourself one
& enjoy.

Just enjoy.

:)

I Am My Feelings
  

LOL

I love a BIG laugh.
That heard from across the room, identifier laugh.
YaY ! (insert name) is here !!

I love a giggly laugh.
A laugh that makes me laugh larger because giggly laugher is laughing.

I love a doubled over laugh.
A stomach hurting, I can't breathe, stop ! stop ! don't stop ! laugh.

I love when someone who normally doesn't laugh, laughs.

I love a perfectly enunciated laugh.
HA.
HA.
HA.

I love a secret laugh.
The nobody understands us but us.
That shared funny.

I love a muffled laugh.
shhh. Not here. ha. Not now. ha.

I love an unexpected, sudden burst laugh.
BA HAAAA.

I love a group laugh.
All for one and one for all.
hahahahahahahahahahaha

I love a treasured memory laugh.
A tearful, heartfelt, I love you, I sure miss you laugh.

I love a child's laugh.
Simple, pure, innocent joy.
It is Heaven.
For sure.

Laughter.
Wonderful, wonderful laughter.

Here's to being surrounded by that beautiful sound.
Today.
Tomorrow.
Forever.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Happy Anniversary

Hi!

My name is Jacki. I write children stories and misc poems and I would like to share them with you.

I am a mother of three grown children and a first time grandma.
My background is in daycare, preschools, and babysitting. Let's just say I've been around children pretty much my whole life!
I enjoy everything about them.
In my opinion, all the answers you will ever need are within a child.

That's where my stories come from.. their little points of views.

My poems?
They're words that float around in my head.
Don't know where they come from... I just grab a pen/paper and start writing. 

Please feel free to provide feedback. I would love to hear what you have to say.

Enjoy!
&
Have A Happy Day!


--------------------

uh.
well.
They say you have to start somewhere
& that's exactly how I began.

One thousand four hundred and sixty days ago, I wrote those very first words for 'The Words Floating Around In My Head'
& here we are.
Four years later.

WoW
My oh my oh my, have things changed.

I look back at some, no ALL, of those early blogs of mine and think, yikes.
YIKES
Talk about shorties.
I would literally write a paragraph and call it a day.
It was obvious, I had no clue.

A blog ?
What's a blog ?
& I'm supposed to write something Every Day ?
Every. Single. Day ?

Um.
Ok.

Yep.
It took me awhile but, I do believe I've gotten the hang of this creature called Blog.

I have changed in these four years too.
BIG time.
I'm stronger
& I have finally, FINALLY become a confident carrier of my words.

Way back, when I first began writing, I was a master at create and hide.
I'd just automatically, don't even think about it, tuck those fresh, right out of my brain, poems and stories in the dresser drawer.
ta da
&
zoom
Nobody but me knew they even existed.

Eventually
& zzzzzzz, turtle pace s l o w l y
the day I N C H E D along when I took that notebook out of my dresser and started showing people.

Here.
Look at this.
Tell me what you think.
but, fyi ...
I'll be covered up in that corner over there.

Little by little, I started putting my writings out into the world.
I'd hand them over to the Land of the Internet and literally run for cover.
Forever concerned about what people thought.
Hoping, praying they would 'LIKE'.

oy.

One day I woke up and discovered I like.
I. LIKE.
& you know what ?
That's all that really matters.

There were days in these past four years when I didn't know what the heck I was going to write
& days when I couldn't get the words out of my head fast enough.
I've gone from only family members reading my daily rambles to quite a few very loyal Loyals.
From a humbling 0 views to flourishing.
From I hope to be published one day to a self published author of the ebook, 'I Am My Feelings'.
From utter Twitter confusion to oh !! now I get it !!
From hiding to HERE I AM
From why do I do this !?! to THIS is why !!

THIS is why.

Yep.
A lot has changed
& I know I've said this once, twice, a million times but yes, I am saying it again.
I absolutely would not be here, right now, without YOU.

You know who you are.
You know what you do.
You are steadfast and consistent
& I so appreciate YOU.

So,
Hi there.
My name is Jacki
& did I just say it is MY anniversary ??

WRONG - O

Today is OUR Day

Happy Anniversary US
We done good.
& hey !
How's about we keep doing ?

:) 

I Am My Feelings

Huggies

The label clearly identifies their name but, Family and I beg to differ.
We call them Huggies.
Foil Top Huggies
& I never realized, until recently, how very much I love those miniature barrels.

Google informs, they first came into existence in 1974
& I say,
"yep, Google. That sounds about right."
They have been around for as long as I can remember, through my teen years and beyond.

Niece, Nephews, Son and Daughters took a special hankering to them.
Call it a poolside plus whilst swimming at Grandma and Grandpa's
or an added bonus to that anytime, all the time "are you hungry, Honey ?" query from the woman who needed their bellies to be continually full.
Huggies always hit that warm and cozy spot.

But, truth be told ?
I haven't thought about them in y e a r s.
That colorful fruit drink exited my life awhile ago, replaced by fancier, trendy brands
so when Nephew asked if they could be included in our annual Spaghetti Day Birthday Dinner for Grandpa ??  my initial reaction was, 'do they still even make Huggies ?!?'

I was thrilled to discover they do.
YaY
They do.

We Huggie toasted Grandma that night as her presence in her dining room was so wonderfully obvious.
An overflow of love was felt throughout, brought to us by a little lady and a Little Hug
& as I welcome this brand new today, I am reminded, once again.

Simpleness.

It's here.
It's there.
It is so delightfully everywhere.

! ! Cheers ! !

:)

 






I Am My Feelings

Goosed

Hope you don't mind but yep,
here we go
AGAIN ! with the geese !

eek

But, they are on my mind
& honestly, I am embarrassed and ashamed of me.
Because never,
ever,
not even once !! have I given one thought to googling them.
Nope.
I just assumed they were placed upon my path, time after intimidating time, to bully and toy with my cowardly emotions.
Their joy = my panic
& what made me finally decide to look up the spiritual meaning of geese is absolutely beyond me.
I was riding my exercise bike yesterday morn
& bam
there it was

Google. Geese.

& so, I did
& talk about an epiphany
weeeeee

 In actuality, those who are kind, loyal, and brave-hearted attract geese as their totem.
The goose spirit animal wants you to create beauty in every aspect of your life. When you have the goose totem, you will be prompted to do the same thing with your loved ones.
Things that you have been neglecting in the past will finally come to light, and you will have an opportunity to do better this time. You will no longer be elusive when it comes to your spiritual truths, and this will open up a whole new meaning to your existence.

Goose spirit animals as messengers of change

The goose spirit animal is encouraging you to remember where you came from. Remember your roots, and don’t forget to thank the people who have helped you since the beginning


See ??
& here's me, insisting they are pompous, aggressively annoying meanies !!

um
WRONG.

Big lesson and much appreciated, Mr Goose.
From now on, I will not assume the worse or judge before knowing.
I will be brave
& gracious.
I'll forever choose kind
& yes,
I will always,
always

ALWAYS

Google first.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Reminded

I have this side of me that comes around every now and again.
It's my overly sensitive, selfish self that wholeheartedly feels I should go back to the old days.
Write 'em and stick 'em back in the drawer.
Just keep these words of mine to myself.
humph

& then there's my inner voice
and all those wonderful signs I receive that continually remind me I am right smack dab where I am supposed to be,
so hush, Noise.

HUSH.

I've been bumping into encouragement for a week or so now.
Songs and sayings and people and things keep jumping out for me to !! NOTICE !!

Like these words I ever so unexpectedly stumbled across ...

"Don't go against your inner knowing. Just don't. Trust yourself.”
― Maria Erving

or this keep doing image ...

or the bird that literally s t r o l l e d across my walking path,
casually looked my way,
then flew up into those amazingly fluffy clouds
& when I googled to see the name of this happy little guy ?
I was told ...

 This creature teaches you to be live with confidence and love. This is a matter of communicating well. Learning to communicate what you think, what you feel, what you desire. Send that positive feelings to others and bring goodness to the community where you belong.  If this is your animal totem, the red-winged blackbird gift urges you to bring out the best in you and learning to encourage others to do the same

So.
What's my point ?

Every single everybody has that beckoning, prompting, coaxing, inner voice.
Please.
Turn off your sometimes overly sensitive, selfish noise
and listen.

shhhhh

listen.

I promise.
Amazing is waiting just for you.

:)

I Am My Feelings
  

Squeak Squeak

Dear College Basketball Fan:

With NCAA March Madness in full blown revelry, I feel a need to confess.

I have filled out one
... count em ...
one tournament bracket in my whole, entire lifetime
& I can guarantee, there will be no more.

I know.
It's shocking ! it's shameful ! it's appalling !
But, it's true.

I suppose it has something to do with the fact that I'm just not into basketball.
Truth be told ?
It's the bracket.
Everything about that darn set-up just confuses the heck out of my brain.
It involves way too much thinking
& way, waaaaaay too much decision making.

Seems every person in America disagrees with me though.
Certain someones who know these things tell me this is seriously THE BEST of the Best.
It's the dance, man.
THE. DANCE.

& I get it.
I get it.
Screaming loud and obnoxiously proud enthusiasts.
Sitting on pins and needles moments.
An ice cold beer to bask in glory or drown in sorrow ...
Oh yeah.
I soooooo get it.

It's that doggone bracket that continually keeps me away, friends.
oh & ...
The squeak.
That squeaky squeak squeak of tennies on the court ?
uh huh
It's that too.

(( earplugs )) 

Please know, I offer many. many CHEERS ! to an overabundance of NCAA merriment, my basketball loving peeps
& rest assured that I am very much with you,
I'm just not with you
but, I do hope you enjoy your gleeeeeeee.

Love,

My Brain Doesn't Work That Way
& My Ears Are Incredibly Sensitive
ME

:)

I Am My Feelings

It Happens

Today is one of my nothing days.
A day when I can quite literally say I have absolutely no words floating around in my head.

nope
nada

& I realize this may cause some alarm and concern but hey, sometimes it happens.
No worries though !! they will be back,
they always come back
& I will fill your tomorrows with a whole bunch, I promise.

As for today ?
Well today is going to be fantastic.
So go out there and do your thing and enjoy every little minute.
Show the world your own special self.
Smile at as many people as possible.
Brighten someone's universe.
Be helpful.
Be kind
& remember just how awesome it is to be right here, right now.

YaY

Have a wonderful 24 !
See you tomorrow.

:)

I Am My Feelings

  

Bigger

We met under unusual circumstances
& how I was bold enough to follow through on my wine-filled promise, actually make an appointment and walk into his salon is completely beyond me.
I just don't do those types of leaps.
But, for some reason, this time, I did
& every five or so weeks as he colors and cuts my hair, I remind him that it was destiny
& yes, we have known each other before,
another lifetime before.

That kind of  bond cannot be denied.
It's there.
It's genuine.
It's for always

& so, we talk, talk, talk
& he fills me in on the many bits and pieces of his very interesting life
& I think to myself,
hmmm
maybe .. ?

Maybe.

You see, I've been back of my head wondering for quite awhile now if I am capable of writing bigger
& even as I laughingly, I'm not all that serious say to him, 'I should write your story, I really think I'm supposed to write your story...'
I continue to do what I do,
I push off until tomorrow what should be done today
& there it sits.

I should.
I should.

Mom visited me in a dream the other night.
I'm not sure that we said anything to each other but, I could feel her presence as she walked a few steps behind me.
I was headed to the headboard of my bed, determined to get to the place where a something she gave me years ago sits.
It's a little music box that plays "Through The Years" by Kenny Rogers
& honestly, I haven't heard or even thought of that song or that priceless gift in a million years

& as I picked up my beat-up, old friend I was saddened by it's forgotten about, unattended shape.
I looked at Mom with an 'Oh my gosh ! how could I let this happen ?!?'
I took my hand and dusted, dusted, dusted, wiped, wiped, wiped.
I took my lips and blew, blew, blew on what seemed to be a mountain of grunge, trying every which way to shine her up
& then,
I woke up.

I went about my biz.
I forgot about my dream
until ...

He sends me random, just because, every so often texts
& last Saturday morning's will be etched in my brain for - ev - er.

"Oh my god. I just love this song. I must be menopausing  hahahahaha"
& attached to his words was a link to watch "Through The Years by Kenny Rogers w/lyrics" on YouTube.

 Looks like I will be writing bigger.

Thanks, Destiny.

:)

I Am My Feelings

A Kiss On My Shoulder

.....inspired by my grandson's love for his mama .....

It's not always easy
To get through a day
Phone calls, decisions
Often pull me away

(But)
I know you are there
And that smile is for me
Content in your world
Full of love and pure glee

You place a kiss on my shoulder
With your little boy love
Bursting with happy
And sent from above
So very excited
You hold on so tight
With your kiss on my shoulder
My world is now right

I hope that you know
Everything that I do
My words and my thoughts
Will be centered on you

When the day is past
And the world is asleep
Beautiful blessings
In my heart I will keep

You place a kiss on my shoulder
With your little boy love
Bursting with happy
And sent from above
So very excited
You hold on so tight
With your kiss on my shoulder
My world is now right

:)

Fascinating

Don't ask me why because I have on purpose avoided it much of my whole entire life but, all of a sudden James T. Kirk, Spock and Company are one of my favorite things to hunker down in my recliner and watch.
Call it a way to get through Winter.
It works.
For whatever reason, I have become instantly consumed by this 1966-ish  tv rerun know as Star Trek
& am pretty darn impressed with the seeing into the future writing of the show.

It's fascinating.
So fascinating, that I feel the urge to share my just now googled definition of 'orbit' ...


 the (usually elliptical) path described by one celestial body in its revolution about another

“he plotted the orbit of the moon”

Synonyms:

celestial orbit

Types:

geosynchronous orbit

a circular orbit around the Earth having a period of 24 hours

geostationary orbit

a geosynchronous orbit that is fixed with respect to a position on the Earth

Type of:

itinerary, path, route

an established line of travel or access

Excuse me, as I repeat those absolutely awesome words

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

The path described by one celestial body in it's revolution about another.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Doesn't that just make your heart burst with happy ??
Makes we want to hand out a whole bunch of gratitude, is what it does ! because in the big picture, grand scheme of things, we are all orbiting.
Each and every delightful day.
I orbit you.
You orbit me.
WE orbit one another

& so, from one celestial body to another, THANKS for doing your part in helping me along my path. 
For being there, for being kind.
For going out of your way.
For the BIGS
& the littles
& all the simple, just because, in betweens.
You are so beautiful in so many ways
& together ?
Why, TOGETHER we are a incredible cosmic force, my friends
& isn't THAT just so wonderfully fascinating ??!??

Oh yes, Scotty !
It is.

:)

I Am My Feelings

 

Duplicated

For those who are regular visitors to this blog, you've heard this one before.
Yep.
Last year
& the year before last year too.
But, when you've got a good thing going, you keep it, treasure it and call it Tradition.

Enjoy

--------------------

I remember a conversation between my aunt and Mom a few days after their mama died.
We were talking food
& nobody but nobody made spaghetti sauce like Gramma made spaghetti sauce.

My mother and her sister commented, we will never taste that wonderful taste again because Gramma's sauce could never be duplicated.
But, as the days and years went on and their hearts healed, Mom and Auntie would brew their own versions of Gramma's recipe
& that delicious spaghetti sauce persevered

It was good.
Real, real good.
& the tradition continued.

Mom's spaghetti dinners were classic.
She would have that sauce slow cooking on the stove in the early morning hours.
By the time the afternoon rolled around the house was filled with an awesome aroma
& when dinner arrived, perfection.

Mom's children and grandchildren would gather around the dining room table
& we would enjoy the finest spaghetti sauce on the planet with the best company ever.

My nephew would often comment to his grandma that he wanted to learn the secret of her spaghetti sauce
& she'd encourage, "just come over next time, I'll teach you".
But she'd always add that gentle reminder ...
You must get here EARLY because the sauce cooks all day.

One day, Nephew decided it was time.
He knew his grandmother was making a New Year's Day spaghetti dinner
& he would be there bright and early to learn the secret of the sauce.

It must have been one heck of a resolution for that young Boilermaker fanatic
& his grandma was rather shocked but, pleasantly pleased.
On the morning after a night of New Year's Eve revelry, the day Purdue went to the Rose Bowl, a new tradition began.
The secret was passed on.

Years later and a few days after Mom died, I remember a conversation between my sister and I.
We were talking food
& nobody but nobody made spaghetti sauce like Mom made spaghetti sauce.
It could never be duplicated.
But, just like my mom and my aunt, our hearts healed and my siblings and I have carried on.
The delicious spaghetti sauce perseveres
& then some.

That twenty-one year old Purdue fan learned his lesson well on New Years Day, 2001.
Nephew has a family of his own now but, has started his very own spaghetti sauce tradition.
Waking up early and cooked all day on the same stove his grandma used is his birthday present to his grandpa each year.
We spaghetti sauce celebrate today.

Somethings are simply priceless
& I do believe Gramma's recipe has been duplicated.

:)

I Am My Feelings
 

 

Hooked

A mother-in-law is the mother of a person's spouse.^[3] Two women who are mothers-in-law to each other's children may be called co-mothers-in-law, or, if there are grandchildren, co-grandmothers.
In comedies, the mother-in-law is sometimes shown as the bane of the husband, who is married to the mother-in-law's daughter. Mothers-in-law are often stereotyped in mother-in-law jokes.
Some Australian Aboriginal languages use avoidance speech, so-called "mother-in-law languages", special sub-languages used when in hearing distance of taboo relatives, most commonly the mother-in-law.
A mother-in-law suite is also a type of dwelling, usually guest accommodations within a family home that may be used for members of the extended family.


Well gee, Wikipedia.
You sure make this mom-in-law gig sound er, uhhhh
morbid.

yikes

but, I get it.
There are a million types of relationships out there in this great big, wonderful world and some are not all that terrific.
I know I got lucky.

She won me over a few years ago, at a birthday party for me.
It was my 50th, if you must know the number, so we celebrated thoroughly.
weeeeee
& as we eventually, always do when the festivities are a'flowin around here,
we sang.

She tells me now that, although she is a spontaneous songster such as I, she was somewhat nervous to be partaking in her first karaoke with these people known as Us
& as much as she wanted to, she was a bit hesitant to begin.

Until.
'Hooked On A Feeling' by B.J. Thomas.
Little did she know that song is one of my all time, absolute faves.
She grabbed that mic and made that tune her very own 
& our bond began.

I adore when she sends a string of random texts to fill me in on what's going on since her last sting of random texts
& I've never met anyone so awesomely organized.
She is strong in ways I find impossible to be
& she continues to fascinate me with with her natural, take charge, I'll do it, leadership skills.
She loves my boy
& their boys
& knowing how much she does fills this ol heart of mine with content.

Happy Birthday, Daughter.
& just so you know ?
I tossed that silly, 'in-law' add-on away the night I was Hooked.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Keeping The Faith

Every so often one of THOSE days happens.
My head becomes filled with noise and questions.
Doubt
Clutter
& stuff.
Lots of stuff.

I am not a fan of THOSE days
& I've promised myself over and over not to fall into that negative trap.
I refuse to throw away a perfectly lovely twenty-four hours.
Affirmative only, please.

I found a poem years ago on one of THOSE days.
Written by Nell McLean, it jumped out of a magazine I happened to be reading and called out my name
& these simple lines have saved me a zillion times.
They are my guaranteed happy
& today, I'd like to share them with you.

- - - - - - - - - -

Oh for a faith that will not shrink
Though battered by many a foe
A faith that when standing near the brink
Of a valley dark below
Will buoy me up and carry me on
To tasks as yet unknown
A faith that will lead me through life's storms
Then gently carry me home


- - - - - - - - - -

Oh, Nell McLean ! ! !
You have no idea how very much I love Love LOVE your little poem.
It pushes away the pessimist, all the time, every time.
& these long ago, memorized words continue to help me on this road called Life.

Yes.
Goodbye Noise.
Move along, Questions.
Go away, Doubt and Clutter and Stuff.
Farewell, THOSE days.

I am keeping the faith
& I am enthusiastically locked into Positive.

! ! ! ! ! ! !
 
For always.
Forever.
For sure.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Dream Hugs

Repeated, with love.

--------------------

Have you ever received a dream hug from someone you love who has died ?
Of course you have.

I'll rephrase.

Do you remember receiving that dream hug from someone you love who has died ?

That's the thing.
I'm 100% positive we all receive dream visits and those wonderful dream hugs.
It's just, some people can remember them
& some can't.

I received my most memorable dream hug from my mama.
The first few months, maybe even a year after she died, she was a pretty regular visitor.
We'd have some good talks in those every night visits but after waking, I could never remember a word she said.
In fact, I would joke to my siblings that if Mom were trying to send an important message, she gave it to the wrong messenger.

In those early days without Mom and after each one of those dreams, I would feel a sense of urgency.
An "Oh ! Mom told me ..."
or
"Oh Yeah ! Ma said to tell Dad  ..."
But, that's where the message would end.
I could never recall what she expressed
& I always felt like I was missing something.
Something important.

remember remember remember
What was I suppose to remember ?

Then one night, I had my dream hug dream.
I could see my mother clear as day.
We were at some sort of event.
She was dressed up all happy and bright
& we talked and talked but, of course, I don't remember what she said.
But, as she went to leave, Mom reached over and gave me a hug that I could actually FEEL.
It was so warm.
So loving
& I asked, 'why are you hanging on so tight Mom ? It's not like we won't see each other again'

That best hug ever lasted a few comforting seconds longer
then I woke up,
realized
and whispered ...
'Dang .... I just got a hug from Mom'.

Since that awesome dream, Mom's visits aren't as often.
She pops in occasionally to see what's up but, the dreams I have now feel calm, peaceful, serene.

I think that dream hug dream was my mama's 'until we meet again'
Mom knew she was moving on and she wouldn't be visiting as often.
But, I can't tell you how much that hug means to me.
It stopped the urgency.
It stopped that need to remember.
Remember WHAT ?

When I ask people if they have ever had a dream hug some say yes, and describe it in great detail.
And to those who sadly reply 'no' I say, "oh yes you have ...!..."
Oh. Yes. You. Have.
You just don't remember it.

Love does not disappear when someone dies.
It continues.
It sooooo continues.
& the ones who have left this world do not pick and choose who gets a dream, who gets a hug.
If they loved you before, they most definitely love you still
& they DO visit.
Quite often.
It's just, some people remember.
Some don't.
It's as simple as that.

As you go to sleep tonight be comforted in the fact that you are being dream visited.
You are being hugged
& you are and always will be very, VERY loved.

Hey.
I think I finally delivered my little lady's message.

--------------------

Hugs, my friends.
BIG, BIG HUGS.

:)

I Am My Feelings

They're Back

& truth be told ?
I did not miss them.
AT. ALL.

But there they sit, propped up in their high and mightiness.
Quietly staring.
Daring.
Prodding.
Intimidating my every move.

ugh

oh &
just in case you'd like to know the absolute, very worse thing about them ?? I'll tell you.

It's me.

ME.

I allow this.
I give the go ahead.
I am ok with the second guessing and their doubtful infiltration into my brain
& the more I think about them and what they do to me, the more I am convinced.

Geese.
I'm talking Geese.

The gander have returned to my walking trail and have ever so boldly reclaimed their territory
& eek.
They really do shake the ba-gee-gees right outta me.

But.
I am also talking People
& there, right there ! lies my lesson.

I am in charge of this person called ME.
Not you
or they
or he
or she
or them.

Me

& if I want to be scared, I shall remain scared
& if I want to be under a dismal cloud, I shall remain under that dismal cloud.
Subdued ?
Daunted ?
Sure, I can forever do that too.

Or I can choose a better, higher, I am in control road
& I prefer a positive approach with Oh Yes, I Can results
& guess what ?
What I permit, is what I become.

GUARANTEED.

Whew.
All that from this ... ??!?

 





Hey fellas !!
Watch out.
I'ma coming through.

:)

I Am My Feelings

I Am My Feelings

I have been informed by Smashwords and other sources that this week,
March 4 - March 10, 2018
is Read an eBook Week ! ! !

YaY

& hey !!
maybe I might want to take advantage of that fact and get the word out !! so people can read my eBook ... !!

But, but, but,
er, um,
you see, that would involve a force called Self Promotion
& self promotion is something I don't do all that well.

nope.

Promoting me ?

uh.
no.
Just the thought makes me want to hide.

But, people who know these things, advise that I should.
Today.
Often.
Again and again.
So, yeah.
Pardon me, as I ever so humbly place myself into your thought waves.

It's called, 'I Am My Feelings'
& it's my very favorite eBook.

"I Am My Feelings' is a compilation of the children's stories I have written through the years
& as the title suggests, it deals with emotions.
Seven short stories, seven characters, each explaining their special feeling.

First, there's 'Smile', who is on an adventure, hoping to fill the world with big grins
& tearful 'Teardrop', who gently offers ways to handle this overwhelming sensation.
'Nicey' talks about being kind to others
& 'Shy' lets the reader know it is ok to be quiet and unassuming.
'Bubbles' deals with being nervous and scared
& 'Love' mistakenly thinks no one will notice if she runs away.
Last but not least, 'Collin and the Big Bald Tree' is about being uniquely different.

Although my book is geared towards children, adults will find the stories fun and helpful too.
It's true, Adults.
You will.

I hope you enjoy

& believe me when I self promoting-ly say, it really is Pretty. Darn. Awesome.

:)

I Am My Feelings

and Talk

She is Dad's aunt and as a child, I never gave her much thought.
She was just there.

At Thanksgiving,
at Christmas,
at picnics and parties.
There.

As a teen, I really didn't talk to her.
All I knew or cared to know about the woman was that she was my granny's sister,
her husband had died, she had two children and some grandchildren.

Somewhere through the years though, we started a conversation
& after the first few, I would seek and plop myself right smack next to her at all family events.

One day, this Great Aunt of mine asked if I wouldn't mind coming to her house every other week to do some light housekeeping.
She'd give me $20.00 for my troubles.
'Ok, sure" I agreed, not really all that enthused about light housekeeping but, what the heck ...
why not

& so began our friendship.

The easy chores that should have taken very little time to complete, stretched into hours with each visit because we would talk
& talk.
& talk.
& talk.
Always with a cup of coffee and definitely with a cookie or three.

The woman was amazing.
She told me life story after life story
& she would giggle when I'd say I should write her words down.

"Next time I'm taking notes" I would every time promise.
"You better hurry up !" my almost 90 year old auntie would giggle.

An adventure that sticks in my head is when she decided to quit smoking.
Heavy duty, couple packs, "Is just what we did back then" she'd say
but one day, this stubbornly strong woman decided to kick the habit.
No reason really, other than will.
Cold turkey is how she decided she'd do it and cold turkey she did
& even though she kept an unopened pack of cigarettes by her night stand, 'just in case', there was never a need to open them.
She just stopped.

I think about that little lady when I see ads for nicotine gum or patches.
"Just quit".
"It's easy if you want it bad enough" she would say.

I remember the last time I saw my Great Aunt.
She had been having occasional health issues and was feeling very tired.
Mom, Dad and I stopped in to check on her but, she was asleep on her couch.
I fought an urge that day because I didn't want to wake her but, how I wish I would have kissed that forehead.

Great Auntie has been on my mind a lot lately and truth be told, I sure do miss that light housekeeping gig.
This uniquely wonderful person went from being "just there" to becoming one of my best friends
& it happened so very easily.
We talked.

We simply talked.

:)

Memo to Self :
Next time, take notes.


I Am My Feelings

A Shared Day

They share the same birthday
& I always thought that was Pretty. Darn. Cool.
How many people can say their Mom and Dad were born on the same day ?

A guy from Indiana,
A girl from New York,
who met and fell in love in California.

What are the chances ?
Especially the back in the day chances when the world wasn't as connected as it is today.

A changed mind.
An 'I don't feel like going'
A 'this long distance relationship will never work'
& boom.
Everything is different
& I'm not sitting here, writing these words.

But, they made it work.
Through some hard days and long nights, through laughter and tears, through the good most definitely outweighed the bad.
These two people made each and every single day work.

Sixty- plus years later and he will describe in precise detail the very first time they met.
He loved her then, he loves her still
& misses her more than he will say.

Happy Birthday Mom.
Happy Birthday Dad.

Cheers to You.
Cheers to Love.
Cheers to the incredibly beautiful life you built
& many, MANY thanks for taking that chance.

Yes.
My parents have the same birthday.
How very cool is that ?!?

:)

I Am My Feelings