Unselfishly First

I didn't get much sleep last night.
The tv was on
& normally, I prefer off.
But, this beast they call Harvey is determinedly hunkered and I wanted, needed to keep an eye on him. 
You see, I have people scattered about the great state of Texas
& I'm nervous for them.
For all.

Mother Nature, in all of her many moods, continues to amaze.
So awe inspiring, breathtaking, gorgeous.
So violent, ugly, disruptive.
It's hard to believe she is one and the same.

There's this thing though, that I just cannot get out of my brain.
Like a drum, it is pound pound pounding on through.

The Helpers. The Helpers. The Helpers.

Police.
Dispatch.
Firemen and women.
EMTs.
Hospital workers
Public work employees ...

The FIRSTS.
First to respond.
First to jump in.
First to DO.
Pretty sure they didn't get much sleep last night either

& I keep thinking, those Helpers !!
They are there.
Always, ALWAYS there.
For you, for me, for the guy down the street.
For the rich and the poor.
For the niceys
& the meanies.
They are forever THERE to save me and my arse when me and my arse need saving
& for that I say ...

WoW.
Just WOW.

& today, now, I just, I MUST hand out a big, BIG, THANK YOU to every single one of you wonderful helpers.
You all seriously ROCK in my book, baby
& when I take the minute it takes to think about you and all that you do, it seriously blows my mind.

How incredibly unselfish.
Every. Day.
You are there, for me.
Every. Flippin. Day.

Dang.

That's genuine.
That's beautiful.

So please !! be careful
& take care of you too.
Because if it wasn't for YOU ??

WoW
Just WOW.

:)

I Am My Feelings

What's The Point

Don't know if you've noticed but, I've been on the move, this that and the other thing, somewhat busy lately and this blog of mine has been maneuvered off to the side.
Some days there is just not enough time and priorities have to be adjusted
& so, I've adjusted.

But today, as I sit on the floor in the early morning light, trying to be quiet as to not wake any of the family, writing words, contemplating life, wondering why one single somebody can be the sole winner of a massive amount of money in the same week as a monster of a storm destroys and devastates thousands
& asking what the heck is the point of it all ?!???
I hear a soft, purr like sound from the room down the hall, knowing it's Mr Early Riser 10 Month Old Grandson giving his cuddly hugs to whichever parent has the honors this a.m.
& I think ...
ahhhh

THAT'S what THIS is all about.

In the hustle and the bustle.
In the extreme and the gentle.
In the ugly and the sorrow and the glee and the happy and the noise and the quiet and the why's and how's and what's and and and ....

shhhh

Love.

Love is there.
Love is everywhere.
It remains solid and strong, steadfast and forever willing to assist if we simply allow it in.

So as we begin yet another week on this roller coaster, up, down and sideways trek called Life, let's do ourselves and everyone around us a favor and seek Love.
Find Love.
Choose Love.

BE. LOVE.

It's a solemn promise of calm through every single everything
& it's there.
Right THERE.

Guaranteed.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Im Possible

Yes, I know.
I have said these next few words a million, zillion times before but, by golly, today I am going to say them again
& again
& again.

BELIEVE.
In impossible and improbable.
In it will
It does
& it can.

BELIEVE that anything is attainable
& dreams really do come true.

BELIEVE. In. Miracles.

& do me a favor while you're at it, please.
Determinedly but politely shoo away any of those 'I told you so', 'it'll never happen', 'ho-hum' and 'things will never change' you may meet along your way.
Because doubters love to doubt.
Practicals forever analyze
& cynics continually scoff.

But believers ?!?
Oooooooo BELIEVERS.

They trust.
They hope.
They know.
One day.
ONE. DAY.
It will.
It does.
It can.
Oh YES, it can.

BELIEVE.
From now until forever, beautifully and simply and for always
& always
& always  ...

Believe.


:)


I Am My Feelings

Dance

I took notice of them this time, last year.
I would see them each day on my walking trail twirly, whirly, doing their thing.
I dubbed them 'yellows' because it seemed so right.
My yellow butterflies.

Last year though, they would lead.
I'd walk, they'd flutter and fly about, stop to rest until I caught up, then repeat.
It was our carefree, happy, over and over again waltz.
The yellows & I.
Until, one day, they were gone.

Just. Like. That.

I'm in the habit of googling the whys of things, especially when the 'thing' is so obviously wanting to be acknowledged but, for some reason, I didn't.
I just tucked those yellows into a pleasant part of my brain and moved on.

hmmmm

& suddenly, it's this year.
& this year, my fabulous yellow buddies are absolutely everywhere !!
So much so that I giggle each time I see them.
It's as if I missed their message the first time around and they are determined to make me understand
but, instead of flying in front of me, leading me as they did before, those tiny messengers have crossed directly, right smack dab in front of me more times than I can count.
It's wonderfully amazing and to the point of 'ok ! ok ! I get it !! I'll Google !!'

& so, I googled
& here are the lovely words that jumped out to be read and reread ...

"Butterflies appear to dance as they flitter among the flowers. They remind us not to take things so seriously within our lives. They awaken a sense of lightness and joy. They remind us to get up and move, for if you do not move, you cannot dance."

For if you do not move, you cannot dance.

! ! ! ! !

I LOVE IT
but more importantly, now, I get it.

Thanks for your extreme patience with my knuckle headed, stubborn self, sweet Yellows
& yes, I agree.
It is time to dance.

:)

I Am My Feelings

 
 

Eclipsed

Happy Solar Eclipse Day ! !

It feels like a holiday, doesn't it ??
It does !!

Hey, are you ready ??
ready for the 'it doesn't happen all that often, totally AWESOME !! THIS is how it's done show'  !!?!!
I'm so excited I can hardly contain my glee ! !

So.
Before I carry on with my look at the sun but don't burn my retinas extravaganza, I just have to say ENJOY

Enjoy this experience and every single feeling that oozes up inside of you as you witness amazing.
My guess is we will all feel a little bit teeny, a tad tiny, a smidge itsy bitsy and mighty minuscule by the magnitude of it all ! as we should.

As. We. Should.

It's the UNIVERSE, baby !!
It's time we start paying attention to it's infinite lessons and stop the never ending bickering and fussing and feuding and fighting andandandandand
and just shhhhhhh.

shhhh, People
&
for heaven's sake, just be nice.

Just. Be. Nice.

bam.

See how easy that is ??

Now go out and share your smile with the world
& have yourself an astronomically spectacular today !!

weeeeeee !!

:)

I Am My Feelings

 

Perhaps

Believe it or not, I've missed most of the happenings in the world this past week.
I decided I'd rather have the tv off,  I chose to stay away from the chatter of social media.
But I'm not isolated in a bubble somewhere, I've heard what's been going on and of all the ugliness that surrounds us
& as I sit here reeling from the hate that seems to always find it's way in, I am reminded of an awesome quote by my latest obsession, Rainer Maria Rilke.
It's simple, it hits home and I just feel the need to share.


" Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage.  Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in it's deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."

 

As we sit on the brink of a brand new week maybe, just maybe, we will find that beauty and courage in one another, we will begin a domino effect of love and kindness and we will finally notice those princesses.

 Yes, perhaps.

 :)

I Am My Feelings 

 

  

 

Suspended

Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.”
― Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space  

I find myself frequenting this quote every couple months or so.
Every time ugliness shows itself.
Again.
Every time ugliness shocks and appalls.
Again.  
Every time ugliness seems to win.
Again.
That's when I look at Carl Sagan's wonderful words and remind myself.
Again.
We are simply a dot in the sky. 

A. Dot. In. The. Sky.

So today, instead of being swallowed up by the horribleness this world often offers,
I plan to ...

Smile.
Say hello.
Call a friend.
Help a stranger.
Make someone's day brighter.
Notice nature.
Stop.
Breathe.
Be Happy.
Remain steadfast in the belief that hope is stronger than fear and love does indeed, conquer all
&
most importantly ...
Enjoy this incredible gift of a moment, suspended in a sunbeam.

:)

I Am My Feelings

It's All Good

I think the universe just might be trying to tell me something
& I, in my slow, steady, somewhat stubborn way am just now starting to realize.

Hellooooooo Jacki ?
Maybe it's time to switch things up !!

hmmmm.

I know it's just a laptop but it's amazing how things happen when and how things happen.
My very loyal friend and lifeline to a whole lotta things decided to go on the fritz recently
& why a couple month old, still under warranty, extremely important to my sanity device would want to do this to me at this precise moment in time is still quite the mystery.

You see, I'm not at all techy.
At. All.

zilch
nada

& those with the knowledge, know-how and extreme patience to help me sort out my occasional technical difficulties ?
Oh, they just happen to be miles and miles away from me.

They are there.
I am here.

Yep.
All of a sudden it's big girl time.
I have to fend for and fix this myself.

eek.

& hold onto your hats people because tada !! I did.
Well, I kind of did.
Husband led me through most of it but, please don't tell anyone as I'm really enjoying the brag.

So.
Anyways.
As I was deeply immersed in my laptop drama ALL I could think about was BLOG.

blogblogblogblogblogblog

Why ??
Because for three solid years now this writing space of mine has been one well oiled, early rising, you can set your watch by me machine.
7 a.m. Central Time Zone baby !
Like clockwork.
That's a whole bunch of days of being locked in and on time, if I do say so myself.
YaY.

But, today.
Not today.
Today will be later
& later might mean afternoon, evening, nighttime or tomorrow.
I'm not sure yet
& truth be told ?
I'm somewhat enjoying this winging it thing.
These Floating Words of mine are taking their time today and are really, truly floating !

weeeeee.

& so, I must thank you, Universe !! for that much deserved knock upside the head.
You've help me see things in a brand spankin, whole new light
& from this day forward, I shall be floating too.
After three set in stone years of 7 a.m CST I'm going to see where my blog and I go on WHATEVER time.

Stay tuned.
This could get interesting.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Or The

If you seek, you will find.
It really is that incredibly easy
& I was reminded in so many wonderful ways this past weekend of just how simple that easy can be

like the walk to the grocery store to pick up a few somethings on a beautiful Saturday
or the genuine Good Morning from that someone walking the dog
or the talking about nothing and everything whilst sitting on a city veranda 
or those enthusiastic young sellers of lemonade on the street corner
or the music in the air on a lovely summer evening
or that song that beckons the heart strings
or the burst of laughter from a gosh that's funny !! story 
or the shared moment of heartfelt love between a mama and her boy
or that bright star in the sky
or those Sunday church bells 
or the slice of pizza that hits the spot
or the
or the
or the

Littles
All those awesome, amazing, teeny, tiny littles that make being here, experiencing THIS so soooooo magical.

If you seek, you will find.
Life's simple, guaranteed promise.

Enjoy.

:)

I Am My Feelings

 

Little Bitty Bit

I saw this beauty as I grabbed mail out of my mailbox yesterday
& WoW
I just had to STOP everything !! and take a pic.

Just look at the detail. 
The every little bitty bit of alllll those grains of sand and stuff.

It's amazing is what it is.

Imagine the time involved.
The cooperation, the coordination

& if a random rain storm with it's gusts of wind or a meanie of a human being happened along and wiped away their masterpiece ?
Those teeny tiny guys would be right back at it, working together to make things right again.

Google tells me the average ant is about one-millionth the size of a person
& although queens can live for decades, males live for only a few weeks and workers, months.

Uh huh.
Yeah.
Let that one sink in for awhile.

Life.
Oh Life.
You are forever handing out simple, priceless lessons.

Here's hoping we one day listen, we one day learn.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Our House

A few of the family and I went over to Dad's yesterday.
My 85 year old father gathered us together to enjoy his deliciously excellent specialty dish, Steak and Gravy with it's mashed potato and corn trimmings included.

Yum Yum Yum
& I doooooo mean YUM

& as we sat there looking through picture books, laughing and reminiscing I couldn't help but think DANG ! I LOVE THIS HOUSE !

This House.
My childhood home.

Yep.
The place where Mom and Dad moved, a few months before Child #3, aka Me, arrived
& ooooooh ! if those walls could talk ! wow weeeee !
a most wonderful story of growing up Halton would be weaved.

There were 8 of us in our house.
Parents.
Four Daughters.
Two Sons.

Four bedrooms.
One bathroom.

Lots of chaos.
Lots of coordinating.
Lots of disagreements and negotiating.
& so soooooo much love.

Happy memories.

Blessed life.

It truly has been a very, very blessed life
& it all came to be because of a solid, unconditional, determined commitment
built on a foundation that has stood strong for a whole bunch of years.

Our House.
My forever home.

Dang.
I love that place.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Scrambled

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456;PP;;

Ahhhh.

I feel better now
& btw ..
Those are Grandson's sentences from that time he wanted to write a blog just like Gramma Jacki's.

I know.

How CUTE is THAT ??
&
I KNEW I kept this awesome inspiration for a reason !
Because truth be told, that is exactly how my words were feeling this morning.

scrambled
scrambled eggs.

until I googled and realized it's just that doggone Full Moon here for another go-round.

Doubt.
He brings me doubt.
Every single month.
Every single time.
I feel it, I know it, I allow it in.

But, you know what Full Moon ?
You're incredibly beautiful and all but, please keep your disorderly, nonalignment feelings to yourself.
I just don't want them around me anymore
& fyi ? 

mknnd34*&&bbersaghfdhkkuuddfynddeswwaa
myyeewwssaddfftrrllm988nftuikngfcn h
&
kkkiiyyujhfdd fm

That's Gramma Jacki's brand new way, brand new day's way of saying stay away Doubt.
Just stay away.

I prefer Trust.

:)

I Am My Feelings

 

Shadowed

Have you ever paid much attention to shadows ?

Yeah
Me neither.
Until recently
& suddenly, I can't seem to get enough.

Welcome to my latest obsession.

I was preparing to walk my trail walk a few weeks ago when I first took notice.
A little boy was there.
He was two, maybe two and a half.
His dad and he were hanging around the picnic tables, enjoying the beautiful summer evening and each other
&
there he was, this little fella, discovering his very own shadow.
Following it around like he had just found a super duper, new best friend, trying to catch up to himself.
Hey ! Wait for me !

& I thought ...
How cool is that ?!?

It wasn't the first time I'd experienced a child chasing a shadow.
With all my years of babysitting and such, I've seen the wonder quite a few times.
But apparently, somewhere down the line, I'd forgotten the joy.
I needed that simple reminder
& now that I've received it ... ?

watch out

Beautiful shadows are everywhere.

EVERY. WHERE.

& yes,
I have become intrigued and entranced
& completely obsessed.

I sooooo wish adults could perceive like a child perceives
& not just once in awhile, all the time.
Innocent eyes, wide open
& oh ! to live in that slow motion world of stop, look, ponder.
Giddily following your very own shadow around forever.

I guess that's the point of the gentle reminders.
It's that little knock upside the head.
Pay attention to amazing !

NOTICE

& so,
I will, I am, I do
& yep, Little Kids ... ! ... I absolutely agree

!! weeeeeeeee !!

:)

I Am My Feelings

Rilke

" ... and for the rest, let life happen to you. Believe me, life is right, in any case."

I wish I knew exactly what it is about those simple words.
As if my soul has been waiting, as if written for me.

boom
There they be.

A gentle nudge that stirs something within
& how they stumbled into my life is pretty fantastic too.

A comment to a status.
A person taking the time to relate, to care.
A new friend.
An understanding.

These words come from Rainer Maria Rilke and can be found in the book 'Letters To A Young Poet'.
Written long before you or I were sitting on this planet, they say what I feel and feel what I say.

The struggles.
The hope.
The heartache and faith.

I know I'm a sucker for inspiration but, this guy has uncovered a hidden something in me FOR SURE
& I just can't stop thinking, I'd have never found them on my own.
They found me
& little did she know when she asked if I'd like to borrow her book, she was placed on my path for reasons beyond my comprehension.
Talk about perfect timing !

WoW

The point I am trying to make on this beautiful, new today ?
If something inside of you whispers,
coaxes,
suggests to do ? 
Do.

For yourself.
For another.
Just Do.

That voice, those people are given to you for a reason.
So if you hear it, if you feel it.

Do.

 " ... and for the rest, let life happen to you. Believe me, life is right, in any case."

I'm glad you followed what you were being told, Rainer Maria Rilke.
You too, Hilary.

:)

I Am My Feelings