Pay Attention

I had a dream message three nights ago.
It was so very real, vivid
& until just a few moments ago, it was driving me coo coo because I didn't know what she meant.

She is Mom.
My mama came to me in one of those half awake / half asleep states.
I know I was awake a few minutes earlier because I remember the time.
4:30 a.m.
& the minute I knew the time, I was certain I would not go back to sleep.
So I laid there with my wondering thoughts
& that's when it happened.

I felt Mom's warm hand
& although I didn't see, I knew it was her even before she spoke.
Her hand felt so incredibly soothing as it covered mine.
She held it there while she whispered these words ...
"You're being informed. Pay attention. PAY ATTENTION"
& then
she was gone.

I hurriedly jotted down Mom's message.
That's how real her presence felt.
I knew the feeling would evaporate but, I needed to remember those words.
& boy, do I remember.
I can't get them out of my head.

"Pay attention. PAY ATTENTION" she gently, urgently said
but, pay attention to what Ma ?!? WHAT ?

So.
Since that dream message, I've been taking notice.
I mean really taking notice.
More notice than usual.
I am diligently paying attention.
& here is a list of my 'makes sense to no one but me' observations since my dream.

..........
Cloud smiles and random hearts.
yep.
There are many.
I'm to the point where I giggle when I see them.
A heart shaped water spill on my counter is only one example
& those clouds !
Every time I look up at the sky, the sky is smiling back
& yesterday, I swear I saw a cloud shaped fist pump shining down on me.

Songs.
In grocery stores, in hotel lobbies, on radios of cars passing by ...
Everywhere songs.
Songs that remind me of people.
Certain people.

Charlotte.
I'm seeing the name Charlotte all over the place.
All. Over. The. Place.

A big dice.
I found an over sized dice.
It was just sitting there, as if it was waiting for me to discover it
so, I did.
The "1" dot was what I saw as I reached to pick it up
& the "1" dot is how I have kept it and how it will  stay.

And ... last but certainly not least ...
I saw a snake yesterday.
Yep.
I just happened to glance, he just happened to be there.
Split second encounter.
Thankfully, there was a window between us so I didn't have to freak.
I just very calmly said,  'Hey. WoW. There's a snake'
I cannot remember the last time I crossed paths with a snake.
..........

hmmmmm.

Those were my clues
& Mom's message made very little sense, until now.

Charlotte is my mama's Confirmation name so I know that's Mom being Mom, reaffirming her "You Go Girl !" with hearts, smiles and fist pumps.
The huge dice and reminder songs are telling me to take that chance on those certain someones I've been pondering
& the snake ?
That snake was there whether I saw him or not.
It's a knock upside my head to remember that things happen near, around, for me all the time.
Sometimes I notice.
But most times, I don't.

! Helloooooo Notice !

Yep.
Message received Mom.
I will happily, enthusiastically continue to notice
& I WILL pay attention.

PAY ATTENTION.

:)

 I Am My Feelings

Just Like That

I was waiting in a waiting room again this week when a man walked in and said "Hi Everybody. God Bless You".
We all looked up and I assume the majority of us smiled.
I know I did.
He signed in and sat down.

The person calling out 'who's next' called  "Jacqueline" and Jacqueline stood up
& I thought 'yet another Jacqueline in yet another waiting room, YaY'.

Someone sneezed
& from clear across the room "God Bless YOU !" was said loud and clear.
Those nice words came from that same man.
I noticed because I hadn't heard someone say "God Bless You" in a long time
& now I heard it twice in a matter of a few minutes.
hmmmm

'The Price Is Right' happened to be on the waiting room tv.
I haven't seen that show in forever so I took a peek to see if anything had changed.
Everything looked like it did the last time I watched, except Drew Carey is now the host, not Bob.
I stared for a bit but after awhile, picked up a magazine instead.

The Sports Illustrated I grabbed had a picture of the Chicago Cubs on the cover with a headline about believing in miracles.
I started reading an interesting 'they just might do it this year' article.

The background noise in that waiting room was cheers and yippees and "come on down !" from the Price is Right guy but, I didn't pay much attention.
The one thing I did keep noticing though, was Drew Carey.
His go to phrase kept jumping out at me
& I heard "Just like that ! Just like that !" quite a few times.

Husband returned from his appointment.
We walked back to the car and as we prepared for the short ride home, I reached for the radio.
The Ozark Mountain Daredevils were singing "Jackie Blue"
& although I've never really been a fan of that song, I thought 'Hey. There's my name again.'
hmmmmmm

Got home.
Walked outside to get the mail and my neighbor from two doors down yells out a very friendly "HI JACKI !!"
I gave him a hearty 'HI How ya doing ?" and thought 'I haven't seen that man all Summer & btw...there's my name again'.

So now I figured I better start paying attention.
I'm being given signs.
Lots of signs.

I go about my day and decide it was a good evening to catch a sunset so I head over to the park.
There is this one part on my walking trail that is my favorite spot of all
& as I approached this area the sun was setting.
I cannot describe how perfectly lined up the sunset sat on the two best trees in that awesome park
& as I walked closer and closer that sun was blindingly shining on me.
It was hard to keep looking and walking but, I kept looking and walking
& it was AWESOME.

When I got back to the car I noticed a rosary hanging on the rear view mirror of a vehicle in front of me as George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord" played on my radio.

Yep.
That's what I'm talking about.

Some might call them coincidences.
I call them signs.
Little. Big.
Obvious, not so obvious.
Wonderfully beautiful signs.

They are there.
Always there
& it's very, very, very cool when those signs start popping out from nowhere
& from everywhere.

Be open, my friends.
It's pretty incredible stuff just waiting to be noticed.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Tagalong

I ran away from home once.
A friend and I decided it was the right thing to do, the right time to do it
& by golly, we were going for it.

Actually, my life was fine and dandy.
She was mad at her parents about something or another though and said she had the perfect plan.
Friend's proposal must have sounded pretty darn brilliant because it took very little convincing for me to tag along.

I think we were 11 or 12 years old ... maybe.
I don't remember.
I do remember it was Summer
& we decided we should eat supper first.
We had priorities and full bellies were a must
so ...
We happily, heartily broke bread with our families, unbeknownst to them, they'd never see us again.
Afterwards, we packed a few things in her shiny red wagon and headed off to parts unknown.

Just like that.

No notes.
No mumbled farewells.
We simply started walking.

We trudged along with our wagon of goods
& fifteen minutes later, we were downtown.

ooooooo
That sounds so adventurous.

It wasn't.
It really, really wasn't.

But, there we were.
Downtown.
Friend and I stood in front of the Ben Franklin Dime Store and looked at each other.
Ok.
Now what do we do ?

We just turned ourselves around and walked back home is what we did.
The sun was going down and we didn't want to be out past dark.

When we made it back to Maple Drive, a neighbor lady informed my friend that she was in BIG trouble.
Her parents had been looking all over for her.

Did I mention she was an only child ?

Friend grumbled and complained but, had no choice.
She walked into her house to face that music
& I headed back to mine.

Mom greeted me at the door with a reminder, I needed to take a bath.
"Ok", I said
& that was that.

What happened at Friend's house that night ?
She was grounded.
For a week.

ouch.

But, it was just another night for me.
No one even realized I ran away.
I guess that's the difference between an only child's house and a house of six kids.
My parent's figured I was playing outside like I did every Summer evening
I came home when the streetlights came on
& my big runaway adventure ended with a kiss on my forehead, tucked into my nice, cozy bed.

Just as well.
My life really was very fine and dandy !

:)

I Am My Feelings

Fess Up Tiny Papers

Television from way, waaaaaaay back in the day was classic
& unless you lived through it, it's hard to explain it's uniqueness.

It didn't take all that much to keep my generation happy.
A couple of puppets, a clown named Bozo, a diver named Dan ...
Priceless.
Just priceless.

One of my favorite shows was 'Ray Rayner and His Friends'.
Along with Warner Brothers' Cartoons, Chelveston the Duck, and a talking Cuddly Dudley stuffed dog, there was Ray.
It was so simple but so AWESOME.

Ray Rayner always wore a jumpsuit 
& on his jumpsuit were small pieces of paper with reminders of what to do next on the program.
Commercial, skit, whatever it was ... it was on a tiny paper attached to his jumpsuit.

My point in telling you all about this wonderful childhood memory of mine is because I am now Ray Rayner.
Yep.
Notes, notes and more notes.

If I don't write down the something I am supposed to do or the date I'm supposed to remember
I won't, I don't.

Remember ?
Remember what ?
oh that.
oops

Write it down now or forget about it later because it will be erased from my brain.

yikes.

I've heard stuff like this happens to "old" people so I'm trying to figure out how it could be possibly be happening to little ol me ...
But, it's happening man, it is happening.

I've got notes
& notes on top of notes
But the good news is, if the thought makes it onto my Ray Rayner papers it WILL get done.
It's just gotta get there.

& yes,
I've tried and I do use the little 'note' reminder on my Iphone.
It's clever.
It's cute.
It's handy.
But I prefer good old paper.

Paper here.
Paper there.
Paper everywhere.

I'll even tear up the junk mail in nice, little fourths, sixths or eighths just so I can reuse the paper for my note collection.
So see ?
I'm Earth friendly too.

Yep.
Ray Rayner and his wonderful friends.
How I loved that show.
Little did I know the man was preparing me for my future with those lovely notes pinned to his jumpsuit.

oh & just so you know ...

My friend Cindy had a Cuddly Dudley stuffed dog
& yes.
I am still jealous.

Fess.
Fess.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Same Name

I've never been one to wear much makeup.
My favorite outfit is a sweatshirt and cutoffs.
My preferred shoes are comfortable tennies.
On most days, that's what you get if you hang with me
& whether I'm home or out and about, if I can get by with my cozy look, it is what I will wear.

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time in waiting rooms
& let's just say, I've looked decent but, I don't and won't super duper jazzy up to wait in a waiting room.

But she did.
She came strolling into this quiet little 'wait here' area like she was ready for a photo shoot.
Perfect makeup.
Beautiful, flowing hair.
Sparkly, stylish clothes.
Stunning.

We smiled at each other, just to be polite.
She sat herself down and zeroed in on her phone.
I continued to mindlessly stare at the tv.

As I sat there I thought, why would anyone need to look that fancy to sit in a waiting room ?
& I can't read minds but, I'm pretty sure she thought 'jeans and an obviously very favorite sweatshirt. Really?'

Then her name was called to be ask a question.
So she runway walked to the desk, answered the query and sat down again
& I said ...
'My name is Jacki too'

& so began our conversation.

Turns out, we have a thing or two in common.
She's a middle child who loves Cheetos and walking trails.
She has a great laugh, spells her name the same way
& yes, she would love to model and is working towards her dream.

As we parted ways we BIG hugged, exchanged business cards and genuinely hoped to see each other again.
And as I sat there patiently waiting in that waiting room I thought, first impressions.
If we would have left it there, this model and no fuss girl would have missed out on a very, very wonderful conversation.
Instead, we are new friends with an awesome same name.

YaY

:)

I Am My Feelings