Revel Time

IT'S NEW YEAR'S EVE ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

yippeeeeeeeee !!

& we all know how much I adore Eves !
I lovelovelovelovelove them so !!

I've come to the conclusion that my adoration of Eves is the force behind my unrelenting desire to be in New York City today, NOW.
To be a reveling reveler in Times Square as a new, dreams do come true, anything can happen, clean slate, brand NEW YEAR approaches ?!? ...!...

Talk about jollity !!
Weeeeeee !!

But alas, my ultimate glee fest remains an unfulfilled dream yet again, this year.
Boo.

Truth be told ?
I watch the festivities from my comfy, I'm never moving from this spot recliner.
woo. woo.
& every single year as I'm sitting there I declare, loud and clear for all to hear

 "I WANT TO BE A TIMES SQUARE REVELER ! ! !"

Waaaaaaaaaaa !!

I then remove myself from my oh so cozy recliner,
call my family,
holler Happy New Year ! in every one of their ears
and shuffle off to bed or back to my always enticing recliner.

ahhhhh ... pleasant ....

& in my New Year dreams I promise myself I WILL be a reveler in New York City one wonderfully sweet wonderful day.

Certain people, who shall remain nameless, think I am a bit coo coo.
Why I would want to stand in the freezing cold, crammed with other freezing cold coo coos, waiting for hours for a ball to drop at midnight is beyond insane according to them.
The people ! The lines ! The traffic ! The ! The ! The !!!!!

I refuse to let those negativities pop my revel bubble.
Nope.
Never.

But, I gotta tell you, I can't explain why I even want to be there.
The everyday me avoids crowds, is not a fan of cities, is not all that fond of staying up late and would rather not freeze in the freezing cold.

But a force takes over my brain on the Eve of the New Year that excitedly reminds me ...
It's an EVE
& it's a NEW YEAR
& you're missing it  !!
Again !!
& as my years keep moving along, I'm finding it harder and harder to contain my need to be amongst the happys ! !
I want to be with all those strangers squooooosed together in merriment.
I need to be a Times Square reveler one day.
It's a Bucket List Must Must Musttttttttt.

Looks like that day won't be this day though.
I have no plans to partake in tonight's high spirit exuberance.
rats.

I guess I'll just have to hunker down in my snug as a bug in a rug recliner again.
woo. woo.
& declare next year, or the year after, or the year after that as my Times Square Revel year.
Yep. Yep.

oh well.
A girl can dream
& I really, really, REALLY delight in this particular dream.
Weeeeee !!

Happy New Year's my Friends !
&
HAPPY ! HAPPY ! REVELING ! ! !

:)

I Am My Feelings

It's So You

We met by chance.

They were sitting in the hotel lobby bar
& we were debating.

It was Girls' Night for Sisters, Friend and I
& Belinda Carlisle and the Go-Go's had just spent a few hours singing their songs to us.
But we were angry.
The after concert establishment where we had hoped to continue our glee had extremely poor customer service.
So we left that awful place in a huffy huff huff huff.
How dare they be so rude.

My trio and I were deciding and deliberating where to go and what to do next when Friend stopped our conversation and began another.
She had crossed paths with a hair stylist from her past.
He and his partner had also just seen those Go-Go's
& they too were seeking a continuation of fun.
 
Talk Talk Talk
Drink Drink Drink
Talk and drink some more ...

Just like that, it was closing time
& we had to part ways with our new, favorite BFFs.
boo.
But somewhere in that night, I had asked a simple question.
'What would you do with my hair ?"

"Grow it." he said without pause.
"Grow it out, then come to me."

& so, I did.

I feel like I have known them forever.
We finish each others' sentences, we like the same everythings, we laugh and laugh and laugh.
We are friends from another lifetime
& I am certain destiny did her part in reuniting us.

Certain opinions matter to me.
They matter a lot.
So when D and I decided one hairdo day that we should also become Facebook friends, I was a bit nervous.
I knew that would mean my blog, this blog, would be available for his daily viewing.

He could read my writings, my poems, my stories.
Or not.
He could love them.
Or not.
He could think my words were the best words in all the land.
Or. Not.

Quite honestly, I was afraid he wouldn't 'get' my ramblings, my thoughts, my poems, my stories
& I really, really needed him to 'get' it because certain opinions matter to me.
A lot.

I received a beautiful Christmas gift from D and H last week.
But, it's the words that came with the gift that will forever be tucked in my heart.

"It's So You"

He had seen an author interviewed
& her writings reminded him of me.

"It's so You"

& as I read this wonderful book by a woman who writes and rambles just like I do ...
I whisper...
Thank you, Destiny.
THANK. YOU.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Everything

I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason.
The good, the bad, the lovely and the ugly.
Everything.
There is always, always a reason.

Stop, listen, take the time and the energy to notice.
To see.
Everything Teaches.

Every. Single. Thing.

But, here's the glitch...

Everything good ?
Oh ! that's just wonderful.
It is happily welcomed and escorted right in.
We openly accept it, sometimes covet it, forever treasure it and continually strive for it

but, then there's ...
The not so good.
The darn right hard and ugly and awful.
Yes, unfortunately, that guy is a part of this world too
& along with hard and ugly and awful often comes excuses, regrets, why's and wallows.
The reason for it's unwanted arrival is frequently buried
& sometimes never discovered.

But the lesson IS there.
We may love it or hate it.
Be ecstatic or be crushed.
Hug it or shun it.
But everything is there to teach.

The good.
The bad.
The lovely.
The ugly.
It all comes with this thing called Life

& if we open up to it and allow every single bit of it in, we will eventually see.
We will always see.

Everything does happen for a reason.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Happy ! Happy !

We were gathered at the kitchen table having dinner, when Mom let out a startled 'Ooooh !'
& after a flurry of fussing, Grandpa was called to watch the kids as Mom and Dad ventured off to the hospital.
It was time to welcome Child #6 into this world.

I was ten years old
& we were supposed to go to the circus that night.

No circus.
Instead, we received a 10 lb. 8 oz. bundle of joy, referred to as Youngest Sister.

I remember Grandpa informing us siblings that "it" was a girl.
My two sisters and I were elated.
YES ! ! !
Girls rule ! !

The two boys ?
Took them awhile but, they got over it.

Fourteen years later, I let out a similar sounding  'Ooooh !'
Husband and I were at a restaurant.
It was my job to occupy as Family decorated our house for his surprise 26th birthday party
& occupy him I did.
Husband and I drove off to the hospital as Family and Friends celebrated into the night.
We heard it was one heck of a party.

Twenty four or so hours later, an 8 lb 6 oz. boy entered our world.
It was my sister's birthday and now it would be my son's birthday too.

Sharing a birthday exactly one week before Christmas does have it's perks.
Every single body is in festive holiday mode.
Decorations galore.
Winter break.
Birthday presents and then Christmas presents too ... ?

wooo wooo.

It also brings similarities in personality.
Sister and Son are both confidently quiet, determined, patient human beings who are very, VERY devoted to their beloved sport teams.
It's the Chicago Cubs for her, the Buffalo Bills and Colorado Rockies for him.
Truer loyalty is hard to find.

My sis and my boy have taken a picture together every year since that very first doubled up birthday 35 years ago today.
Their photo albums contain quite a collection of hair styles, clothing trends and action shots.
& it's quite entertaining !
We all live in different states now but somehow, someway we find a time and a place to take that double birthday picture.
I'm sure we always will.

So today, I sing
Happy Birthday !
Happy Birthday !
Sister and Son.

! YaY !

Here's to many, many more hair styles, clothing trends and action shots.

Oh & those double birthday cakes ?
Yeah.
They were always a good deal too.

YuM
YuM

:)

I Am My Feelings

Background Music

Engelbert Humperdinck.

Yep.

He was the background music to my growing up years.
My mom loved him.
A lot.
I sometimes wonder, if Engelbert really did come a calling as Mom so often wished would she, could she ?

Uh.
Never mind.
She would.
She could.

We had a stereo in the living room
& Engelbert's albums were on most of the time.
He was there during homework and on lazy Saturdays
& his tunes were constant as we washed and dried every supper dish.
Dancing and singing to Engelbert became quite routine in our happy, little home.

Then one lovely day I heard 'Mandy' and Barry Manilow entered my life.
By that time I had my own stereo, so I played his albums continuously
& yes.
It did drive my brothers crazy.

Oh Barry.
How I love him.
I always will.
So it is really no surprise when I say Mr Manilow was the background music in my children's lives.
Those lucky kids.
My offspring will never, ever admit it but, I KNOW they know just about every Barry song.
Word for every wonderful Word.

It's true

& now, since I am known as Gramma Jacki, I do believe it's time to pass that torch.
But, who ?
Who will be next ???
Who will carry on this magnificently melodious tradition ?
hmmmmmm.

I suppose it really doesn't matter.
Fun and memories.
That's what matters
& that's what makes those crooners and their croons so darn special.

Engelbert
&
Barry

ahhhhhh,
The memories ....

Ohhhhhh,
The fun ....

:)

I Am My Feelings

Perfectly Perfect

I've probably made it pretty darn obvious that I love the bright side.
I search for good in every single situation that comes rolling my way.
Stay positive, baby.
Positive.

But today, I am treading into Negative Nellie Land.
This doesn't happen very often so hold onto your hats my peeps, cause ...
oh boy.
Here
I
goooooo ....

I am not a fan of Holiday Year in Review letters.
In fact, I dislike them immensely
& when I receive them, I often roll my eyes and moan.

It's true.
I do.

I'm talking the 'everything is always over the top perfectly perfect perfect' letters.
The family is gorgeous, the vacations fantastic, the second house sensational, the new car phenomenal
& so on & so on & so on.

Yeah.
Those letters.

My problem with this type of holiday greeting ?

It is IMPOSSIBLE for everything to always be so flawless.
It's not feasible. It's inconceivable.
Dare I say, it is preposterous ?
It goes against the law of averages is what it does.
A bad year has to occur sooner or later.
It just must.

For example, 2014 was a very good year around here.
Good stuff happened.
2015 ?
Although it's had it's share of beautiful moments, it will not be running for Best Year Ever.

Uhhhh , sorry 2015.
You just won't.

The good news though, is a good year or two always offsets a dud !
It's called Life
& that's just how it works.
Good thrown in with a few not so goods.
It all evens out in the end.

Please forgive me for doubting your yearly wonderful letter friend, but things just can't continually be so absolutely unblemished.
Not every single year.
Nope.
It's the law of averages, my buddy.
The. Law. Of. Averages.

& it's ok to admit to a not so good year.
Go ahead.
Throw a few negatives in with all those positives.
I promise, I'll still love you.
Promise.

Yep.
Life.
Sometimes it can be quite a stinker.
I encourage you to enjoy it, treasure it and pleasey please please, Infinitely Perfect Letter Writer
Just ONCE ...
Tell me alllllll about that dud.

:)


I Am My Feelings

Truly

I was born and raised by very proud and loyal Catholic parents.
My family was in church every single Sunday
& my siblings and I spent many hours in our Catholic elementary and middle school.
Catholic education was a very important part of my youth
& I have many fond memories of Our Lady of Grace.
Go Knights !

I sure don't know why but, for some reason my 8th Grade Graduation keeps popping into my head these days.
Not the whole day, just one certain part.
I remember walking into church and being greeted by Sister Humberta.
She was a gentle lady, a very loving person and teacher.

Sister Humberta smiled, hugged and wished me well
& she asked what plans I had for my future.
I don't remember what I said.
The shy, adolescent me stammered something totally irrational, I'm sure.
But, I do recall Sister Humberta saying she always thought I would become a nun.

Now, she might have used that line on every girl who walked into church that day.
Who knows ?
But, those words have been stuck in my brain for years.

I walked out of O.L.G.'s doors that day and went on with my life
& never even considered becoming a nun.
Me ? ? ?
That's just weird.

Lately though, I've been thinking about 'what ifs and would I's'.
What if I had taken Sister Humberta's cue and had become a nun ?
Would I have enjoyed that life ?
Would I have been a good nun ?
Would I still be ?
& most importantly, would I have wholeheartedly walked the religious life walk ?

Maybe it's because the older I am getting the more spiritual I am becoming but, the wiser me hopes I would have been the very best of the best.
Because this me feels if I had felt the 'call' ...
I mean really, truly felt the 'call' ...
I would have tried to be the happiest, sun-shiniest, little nun the world had ever seen.

Think about all of the spiritual people in your life.
Those who have Reverend, Father, Preacher, Sister, etc., attached to their names
& those who don't.

The ones who TRULY feel the love in their hearts and are TRULY walking the walk are the jolliest people on this entire planet.
These special beings are singing the joy of everything, every single day.
Continually dancing the dance of happy.
No need to wonder because it's there.
Right there.
You can feel the love that surrounds a truly spiritual person.
& that love is continually shared because it's so very easy and so completely natural.

Sure makes me wonder.
About me.
About people I know
&
About humans.

I would hope that, had I gone on to become Sister Jacqueline, I would have talked the talk and unquestionably, wonderfully, joyfully walked the walk
& that I'd still be sharing that love.

I sure hope the Jacki I turned out to be has done the same.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Don't Stop

I am sitting in an airport, waiting to head home after a PERFECT family weekend.

Weddings.

Wooooo weeeeee.

I LOVE THEM.

I've been having so much fun with a bundle of people I adore that I feel completely separated from the heartache and horror that is surrounding us, yet again

& now, as I sit watching the airport tv, I have been horribly awakened to what has happened in our world.

Words seem absolutely meaningless today

& I know this is going to sound incredibly naive but, I feel I must say it anyways.

Please, please, PLEASE don't stop believing.
In good.

In love.

In joy and hope.

They are there.

Somewhere in all of this hate filled ugliness they remain and will never, ever, ever leave

& as hard as that is to believe on days like today, remember good always, always, always defeats evil.

ALWAYS.

I may be banging my head against the wall and shouting from the rooftops to nobody but, I plan to keep on shouting.

Believe.
In us.

In people.
Believe in humankind.

Because the good in this world outnumbers the bad all the time, every time
& love does and always, forever WILL conquer all.

:)

I Am My Feelings 

Take the Bus Home

I don't know about everybody else but, I have songs in my head all the time.
All day.
Every single day.
It's definitely a 24 / 7 kind of thing.

I'm assuming this is normal
& if this is something I should be concerned about, I am long past the due date.
oops.

At least I know Younger Brother has the music in him too.
He and I text each other lyrics throughout each ditty filled day.
He receives whatever tune happens to be in my brain
& I receive whatever is strumming through my sibling's brain.
Back and singingly, jingly forth.
YaY.

When my son was a child, bath time always included Bobby Darin's wonderful  'Splish Splash' song.
'Splish Splash I was taking a bath..!....'
Son and I sang that melody so much that at 4 years old he jumped onstage and karaoked it in a local, summertime beer tent
& yep
The crowd went wild.

My children's names were each given a lovely, little name song.
First. Middle. Last.
Why ?
Because !
&
when they were in elementary school we had songs for just about every daily activity.
The 'Bus Song' and 'Friday Song' were most definitely the favs.

Take the bus home.
Take the bus home.
Take the bussssssss home.

It's Friday
It's Friday
It's Friday Friday Friday...

Classics, I tell you.
Classics.

On the days those darling children of mine pushed me to the edge and were thisclose to being planted on our infamous 'Bad Chair'...?
Yes.
There's a song for that too.

I. Love. Songs.
& I love singing.
Loooooove  !!!!!
Oh & btw ...
I am pretty darn positive I was Adele in another lifetime.
Oh, yes.
Yes, I Was.
Weeeeeee.

I'm so hoping all people go through life with musical notes floating happily around in their head.
It really is quite enjoyable.
And if this is not typical ?

shhhhhhhhhh.

I don't ever, ever want to know.

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala.
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


:)

I Am My Feelings

The Can Man

His name is Frank.
He walked into my life ten, maybe fifteen years ago
& I've seen him just about every week since that very first Tuesday.
But until yesterday, I never realized just how much I treasure him.

I call him the Can Man.
He is the collector of my used pop and beer containers.
Frank takes them to the Recycle Center where they pay by the pound.
My house is just one of the stops along his route.
Seems there are quite a few of us 'regulars' that will set our cans aside for Frank.
A separate bag, just for him.

Frank first noticed my recycle bin back in the day of much pop and beer consumption.
The kids still lived at home with their many friends always over
& the adults sure loved those cold ones.
We were forever filling and refilling our 'beer fridge' with whatever was on sale that week.
The empties ended up in our very overloaded recycle bin
& that's when Frank appeared.
Husband took the garbage out one Monday evening and Frank asked if we would mind.
We didn't
& we've been saving those cans ever since.

One day, I happened to be outside when Frank came by to collect
& we talked.
We are still talking.
That Frank is a chatty one ! but, I suppose he can say the same about me.
He tells me about his family.
I tell him about mine
& he loves the Chicago Bears.
Needless to say, we talk Bears.
A lot.
Frank is not at all patient with our favorite NFL team.
I anticipate and love his seasonal rants.

I worry about Frank though.
He has a good thirty years on me and probably should retire the cans.
But he insists as long as he is able, he will continue.
I can tell Frank has aches and pains but, he never complains.
He just smiles and talks and collects those cans.

About this time every year Frank heads down to the land of sunshine and fluffy clouds.
He loves those winters of warmth
& every year before he leaves, he brings by a token of thanks.
Thanks for saving the cans.

Yesterday was that day.
Our Thank You,  BIG HUG, See You in the Spring Day.
As he got into his truck and was driving away Frank reminded me that as we keep getting older, those cans get fewer
& he's right.
What used to be six, seven, even eight bags saved through Winter has now become one.
'No worries' he said.
He'll be back in the Spring to check, just in case we have more.

I reminded Frank that my Spring is not officially Spring until I see his sweet face
& I will keep saving cans as long as he keeps coming back.
'Deal' he promised.

I so hope I'm saving those empty cans forever.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Do You Mind ...?

I've often consider myself a fairly friendly airline traveler.
I figure, if a chatty stranger wants to plop down in the seat next to me and tell me their life story, I'll happily listen because I love Niceys.
But lately, it seems the more I travel the more introverted I am becoming
& I'd rather just stare at the clouds and get lost in my music.

As Husband and I made our way home last week, that's exactly what I was thinking.
shhhhh.
shhhhhhhhhhhh.
No talking please.

But before I grabbed the earphones, I eavesdropped
& I was very pleasantly surprised.
At least three of the continuing conversations I could decipher started with a "Do you mind if I sit here?"
Complete strangers.
Meeting, talking, acting neighborly.

'How wonderful !' I thought, as I put my music in my ears.
Now, HUSH.

ahhhhhhh.

Husband and I had a connecting flight with about an hour to dillydally in between.
After maneuvering our way to the bathrooms and grabbing a cup of coffee, we settled in to wait.
A man and woman who had been on our previous plane were hunkered down patiently pausing too.
I smiled at them as they nodded their acknowledgement
& then ...
an awesome conversation between complete strangers began.

"Do you like pizza?" he asked
& of course, we responded with a resounding 'Yes!'

YuM.

"The pizza here is really good ..."
& ....
we talked
and talked
and talked some more.

Turns out, he once lived in the very town Husband and I call home.
He raised his family about a half mile away from my childhood house.
His children went to the same high school, graduated around the same years, played the same sports.
He knew just about every name we threw his way
& had visited every store and restaurant we reminisced.
He and the Mrs. haven't lived in our area for years and would never, ever move back
but they love their every once in awhile visit with family and friends in our mutual hometown.

What a wonderful walk down Memory Lane.

As we boarded the connecting plane, I think we all wished we could continue our conversation but, our seats weren't close so our paths were separated.
An hour or so later though, as Husband and I were lingering in baggage claim, a new but familiar voice wondered if we wanted to tip a few beers at the local Legion Hall
& as we laughed and parted ways, I thought ... 'it all started with a curious little question'.

'Do you like pizza?'
'Do you mind if I sit here?'
Friendlies taking a chance that the person they are asking is a friendly too.

From now on, I think I'll leave those earphones in my suitcase.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Pay Attention

I had a dream message three nights ago.
It was so very real, vivid
& until just a few moments ago, it was driving me coo coo because I didn't know what she meant.

She is Mom.
My mama came to me in one of those half awake / half asleep states.
I know I was awake a few minutes earlier because I remember the time.
4:30 a.m.
& the minute I knew the time, I was certain I would not go back to sleep.
So I laid there with my wondering thoughts
& that's when it happened.

I felt Mom's warm hand
& although I didn't see, I knew it was her even before she spoke.
Her hand felt so incredibly soothing as it covered mine.
She held it there while she whispered these words ...
"You're being informed. Pay attention. PAY ATTENTION"
& then
she was gone.

I hurriedly jotted down Mom's message.
That's how real her presence felt.
I knew the feeling would evaporate but, I needed to remember those words.
& boy, do I remember.
I can't get them out of my head.

"Pay attention. PAY ATTENTION" she gently, urgently said
but, pay attention to what Ma ?!? WHAT ?

So.
Since that dream message, I've been taking notice.
I mean really taking notice.
More notice than usual.
I am diligently paying attention.
& here is a list of my 'makes sense to no one but me' observations since my dream.

..........
Cloud smiles and random hearts.
yep.
There are many.
I'm to the point where I giggle when I see them.
A heart shaped water spill on my counter is only one example
& those clouds !
Every time I look up at the sky, the sky is smiling back
& yesterday, I swear I saw a cloud shaped fist pump shining down on me.

Songs.
In grocery stores, in hotel lobbies, on radios of cars passing by ...
Everywhere songs.
Songs that remind me of people.
Certain people.

Charlotte.
I'm seeing the name Charlotte all over the place.
All. Over. The. Place.

A big dice.
I found an over sized dice.
It was just sitting there, as if it was waiting for me to discover it
so, I did.
The "1" dot was what I saw as I reached to pick it up
& the "1" dot is how I have kept it and how it will  stay.

And ... last but certainly not least ...
I saw a snake yesterday.
Yep.
I just happened to glance, he just happened to be there.
Split second encounter.
Thankfully, there was a window between us so I didn't have to freak.
I just very calmly said,  'Hey. WoW. There's a snake'
I cannot remember the last time I crossed paths with a snake.
..........

hmmmmm.

Those were my clues
& Mom's message made very little sense, until now.

Charlotte is my mama's Confirmation name so I know that's Mom being Mom, reaffirming her "You Go Girl !" with hearts, smiles and fist pumps.
The huge dice and reminder songs are telling me to take that chance on those certain someones I've been pondering
& the snake ?
That snake was there whether I saw him or not.
It's a knock upside my head to remember that things happen near, around, for me all the time.
Sometimes I notice.
But most times, I don't.

! Helloooooo Notice !

Yep.
Message received Mom.
I will happily, enthusiastically continue to notice
& I WILL pay attention.

PAY ATTENTION.

:)

 I Am My Feelings

Just Like That

I was waiting in a waiting room again this week when a man walked in and said "Hi Everybody. God Bless You".
We all looked up and I assume the majority of us smiled.
I know I did.
He signed in and sat down.

The person calling out 'who's next' called  "Jacqueline" and Jacqueline stood up
& I thought 'yet another Jacqueline in yet another waiting room, YaY'.

Someone sneezed
& from clear across the room "God Bless YOU !" was said loud and clear.
Those nice words came from that same man.
I noticed because I hadn't heard someone say "God Bless You" in a long time
& now I heard it twice in a matter of a few minutes.
hmmmm

'The Price Is Right' happened to be on the waiting room tv.
I haven't seen that show in forever so I took a peek to see if anything had changed.
Everything looked like it did the last time I watched, except Drew Carey is now the host, not Bob.
I stared for a bit but after awhile, picked up a magazine instead.

The Sports Illustrated I grabbed had a picture of the Chicago Cubs on the cover with a headline about believing in miracles.
I started reading an interesting 'they just might do it this year' article.

The background noise in that waiting room was cheers and yippees and "come on down !" from the Price is Right guy but, I didn't pay much attention.
The one thing I did keep noticing though, was Drew Carey.
His go to phrase kept jumping out at me
& I heard "Just like that ! Just like that !" quite a few times.

Husband returned from his appointment.
We walked back to the car and as we prepared for the short ride home, I reached for the radio.
The Ozark Mountain Daredevils were singing "Jackie Blue"
& although I've never really been a fan of that song, I thought 'Hey. There's my name again.'
hmmmmmm

Got home.
Walked outside to get the mail and my neighbor from two doors down yells out a very friendly "HI JACKI !!"
I gave him a hearty 'HI How ya doing ?" and thought 'I haven't seen that man all Summer & btw...there's my name again'.

So now I figured I better start paying attention.
I'm being given signs.
Lots of signs.

I go about my day and decide it was a good evening to catch a sunset so I head over to the park.
There is this one part on my walking trail that is my favorite spot of all
& as I approached this area the sun was setting.
I cannot describe how perfectly lined up the sunset sat on the two best trees in that awesome park
& as I walked closer and closer that sun was blindingly shining on me.
It was hard to keep looking and walking but, I kept looking and walking
& it was AWESOME.

When I got back to the car I noticed a rosary hanging on the rear view mirror of a vehicle in front of me as George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord" played on my radio.

Yep.
That's what I'm talking about.

Some might call them coincidences.
I call them signs.
Little. Big.
Obvious, not so obvious.
Wonderfully beautiful signs.

They are there.
Always there
& it's very, very, very cool when those signs start popping out from nowhere
& from everywhere.

Be open, my friends.
It's pretty incredible stuff just waiting to be noticed.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Tagalong

I ran away from home once.
A friend and I decided it was the right thing to do, the right time to do it
& by golly, we were going for it.

Actually, my life was fine and dandy.
She was mad at her parents about something or another though and said she had the perfect plan.
Friend's proposal must have sounded pretty darn brilliant because it took very little convincing for me to tag along.

I think we were 11 or 12 years old ... maybe.
I don't remember.
I do remember it was Summer
& we decided we should eat supper first.
We had priorities and full bellies were a must
so ...
We happily, heartily broke bread with our families, unbeknownst to them, they'd never see us again.
Afterwards, we packed a few things in her shiny red wagon and headed off to parts unknown.

Just like that.

No notes.
No mumbled farewells.
We simply started walking.

We trudged along with our wagon of goods
& fifteen minutes later, we were downtown.

ooooooo
That sounds so adventurous.

It wasn't.
It really, really wasn't.

But, there we were.
Downtown.
Friend and I stood in front of the Ben Franklin Dime Store and looked at each other.
Ok.
Now what do we do ?

We just turned ourselves around and walked back home is what we did.
The sun was going down and we didn't want to be out past dark.

When we made it back to Maple Drive, a neighbor lady informed my friend that she was in BIG trouble.
Her parents had been looking all over for her.

Did I mention she was an only child ?

Friend grumbled and complained but, had no choice.
She walked into her house to face that music
& I headed back to mine.

Mom greeted me at the door with a reminder, I needed to take a bath.
"Ok", I said
& that was that.

What happened at Friend's house that night ?
She was grounded.
For a week.

ouch.

But, it was just another night for me.
No one even realized I ran away.
I guess that's the difference between an only child's house and a house of six kids.
My parent's figured I was playing outside like I did every Summer evening
I came home when the streetlights came on
& my big runaway adventure ended with a kiss on my forehead, tucked into my nice, cozy bed.

Just as well.
My life really was very fine and dandy !

:)

I Am My Feelings

Fess Up Tiny Papers

Television from way, waaaaaaay back in the day was classic
& unless you lived through it, it's hard to explain it's uniqueness.

It didn't take all that much to keep my generation happy.
A couple of puppets, a clown named Bozo, a diver named Dan ...
Priceless.
Just priceless.

One of my favorite shows was 'Ray Rayner and His Friends'.
Along with Warner Brothers' Cartoons, Chelveston the Duck, and a talking Cuddly Dudley stuffed dog, there was Ray.
It was so simple but so AWESOME.

Ray Rayner always wore a jumpsuit 
& on his jumpsuit were small pieces of paper with reminders of what to do next on the program.
Commercial, skit, whatever it was ... it was on a tiny paper attached to his jumpsuit.

My point in telling you all about this wonderful childhood memory of mine is because I am now Ray Rayner.
Yep.
Notes, notes and more notes.

If I don't write down the something I am supposed to do or the date I'm supposed to remember
I won't, I don't.

Remember ?
Remember what ?
oh that.
oops

Write it down now or forget about it later because it will be erased from my brain.

yikes.

I've heard stuff like this happens to "old" people so I'm trying to figure out how it could be possibly be happening to little ol me ...
But, it's happening man, it is happening.

I've got notes
& notes on top of notes
But the good news is, if the thought makes it onto my Ray Rayner papers it WILL get done.
It's just gotta get there.

& yes,
I've tried and I do use the little 'note' reminder on my Iphone.
It's clever.
It's cute.
It's handy.
But I prefer good old paper.

Paper here.
Paper there.
Paper everywhere.

I'll even tear up the junk mail in nice, little fourths, sixths or eighths just so I can reuse the paper for my note collection.
So see ?
I'm Earth friendly too.

Yep.
Ray Rayner and his wonderful friends.
How I loved that show.
Little did I know the man was preparing me for my future with those lovely notes pinned to his jumpsuit.

oh & just so you know ...

My friend Cindy had a Cuddly Dudley stuffed dog
& yes.
I am still jealous.

Fess.
Fess.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Same Name

I've never been one to wear much makeup.
My favorite outfit is a sweatshirt and cutoffs.
My preferred shoes are comfortable tennies.
On most days, that's what you get if you hang with me
& whether I'm home or out and about, if I can get by with my cozy look, it is what I will wear.

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time in waiting rooms
& let's just say, I've looked decent but, I don't and won't super duper jazzy up to wait in a waiting room.

But she did.
She came strolling into this quiet little 'wait here' area like she was ready for a photo shoot.
Perfect makeup.
Beautiful, flowing hair.
Sparkly, stylish clothes.
Stunning.

We smiled at each other, just to be polite.
She sat herself down and zeroed in on her phone.
I continued to mindlessly stare at the tv.

As I sat there I thought, why would anyone need to look that fancy to sit in a waiting room ?
& I can't read minds but, I'm pretty sure she thought 'jeans and an obviously very favorite sweatshirt. Really?'

Then her name was called to be ask a question.
So she runway walked to the desk, answered the query and sat down again
& I said ...
'My name is Jacki too'

& so began our conversation.

Turns out, we have a thing or two in common.
She's a middle child who loves Cheetos and walking trails.
She has a great laugh, spells her name the same way
& yes, she would love to model and is working towards her dream.

As we parted ways we BIG hugged, exchanged business cards and genuinely hoped to see each other again.
And as I sat there patiently waiting in that waiting room I thought, first impressions.
If we would have left it there, this model and no fuss girl would have missed out on a very, very wonderful conversation.
Instead, we are new friends with an awesome same name.

YaY

:)

I Am My Feelings

Whispered Reminder

I'm kinda in Limbo Land these days.
Stuck somewhere between what I should do, what I want to do and what I have to do.

What I should do is get back to my 'too much stuff ' sorting and other miscellaneous business that needs to get done.
What I want to do is place myself in a mountain cabin where I can live amongst nature and write my days away.
But what I have to do is sit tight, face forward and trust.

So many times in this not so predictable life of mine, I have been detoured by this, that and other things
& so many times I have swayed, faltered, fought and fretted every step of the way.

Somewhere down the line though, I stopped questioning, whining, wondering and worrying.
Because somewhere down that line I shifted my brain to 'believe'.
Now, all I have to do is quietly whisper 'Jesus'
& my mind is calmed, the noise is hushed and all the swirly whirly circumstances settle into perspective.

It's so easy.

With that wonderful hum I am reminded, once again, that 'yes, I can'
Yes. I will.
Yes, I must
& I carry on with a confidence like no other.

'Jesus'
That word. This friendship
& life really is So.Very. Simple.

:)

I Am My Feelings

My Characters

Ok.

So you know about Wicker Walk Man.
The 'he looks, I smile, he looks away' guy

&
You know about my soon to be BFF, Mr Smiles.
I love him so

&
I've told you about Forrest Gump
fyi ... he's still running

&
I've mention Mr and Mrs Black Squirrel a time or two
btw ..
I haven't seen them since early spring
& yes, I am worried.

Welp .. 
I've got a few new personalities to add to my growing cast of characters.

First up.
Mr Comedian.

As I was walking last week, this big, tall man came out of nowhere and slipped into my counterclockwise route.
No worries.
My only dilemma at that moment was wondering if I should speed up my steps to pass him or let him keep the lead.
It took a whole second to answer that question.
His legs were very long.
Mine are not.

So there we were.
Settling into our strides.
Enjoying our world.

All of a sudden this big, tall man starts yappin it up with the clockwise people as they strolled his way
& he was loud.
I could hear him nice and clear over the music in my ears.
He would playfully, randomly, unexpectedly ask these walkers silly, nonsense questions.
Some of the people returned his commentary with their own little yuk yuks
but most looked at him with a "You Talking To ME ?!?!" startled look
& as we continued walking and his long legs took him away from my short legs, I could see that his jokes were just not working
& soon he switched to walk, instead of walking talking.

I'm so hoping he doesn't give up his comedy routine.
Please don't stop, Mr Comedian.
Keep trying.
You audience is out there, somewhere.
I just know it.

& next ...
I call her, Solemn.

I'd say she is the female version of Wicker Walk Man but, she's not.
She's got a great smile.
It's halfhearted and fragile but, it's there.
She just always looks so sad right before she smiles.
As if she is carrying some big, honker weight of the world on her shoulders.

I think I've noticed her and wonder about her because she reminds me of me.
The me walking that wonderful walking trail days, weeks, months after my mama died.
Anybody looking at my face in those dismal days would have thought the very same thing.
'She looks so sad'
Because I was.

But I kept walking and walking and walking some more
& the sadness slowly, magically disappeared
& that's what I'm hoping happens with Solemn.

Keep walking girl.
Just keep on walking

& maybe,
just maybe ...
You will cross paths with a very tall man named Mr Comedian,
a jolly Jolly dubbed Mr Smiles,
a runner called Forrest,
a lovely young couple known as Mr & Mrs Black Squirrel
and yes,
even Wicker Walk Grumpy Pants
&
hopefully ...
This awesome cast of characters will help bring your heart back to happy again too.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Quando

My mother LOVED Engelbert Humperdinck.
His albums were forever on our family stereo.
His voice was the background music to my growing up years
& although I like almost every Engelbert song ever recorded, my personal favorite has always been 'Quando Quando Quando'.

That song brings back such wonderful memories of dancing, singing and even drying the dishes.
Seems there was always plenty of laughter and fun when Engelbert was around.

& so
It is no surprise that Mr Humperdinck is amongst the many artists on my walking tunes playlist
& just so you know, 'cause this is important to my story, I always shuffle up my songs.
I like the not knowing what's coming up next.
It's such a mystery.

Sooooo
As I was walked my walk last Saturday evening, I approached a familiar curve in the road
& as I made this slight turn, a critter came scurrying past my feet.
He was a very dark black, mousy looking guy but, I don't think he was a mouse.
I'm not really sure what he was but, as long as he wasn't a spider or snake, we were cool.
This little fella was in a hurry though
& our paths crossed at exactly the same moment.
When I spotted him, I did this fancy little jig to avoid stepping on the tiny dude.
I would never forgive myself  if I had squooshed nature.
Thankfully, I didn't.
He safely went his way and I went mine
& as I moved along thinking, 'Well that was weird', Engelbert Humperdinck began singing 'Quando' in my ears.

YaY
I love that song.

Sunday rolled around
& I walked my evening walk, yet again.
And as I approached the very same curve in the road where I saw Mr Scurry Black Critter, I saw a deer.
She was just standing there, looking at me as if she had expected me to be there.
I kept walking closer and closer and she kept calmly gazing at me.
Sudden voices and laughter from the other side of the curve frightened her though, and she took off for the safety of the trees
& as I moved along thinking, 'Well that was weird', Engelbert Humperdinck began singing 'Quando' in my ears. 

I can go months, MONTHS without hearing 'Quando' on my shuffling playlist
& now I heard it two days in a row
AND I'm having these lovely, odd encounters with nature.

Helloooooo Signs ! ! !

So Monday is next.
But, there was no trail walking on Monday.
Nope.
I decided the grass needed to be cut and on grass cutting day I get more than enough steps on my step tally.

step step

So there I was sitting on my porch chair, putting on my grass cutting shoes when I noticed the clouds.
All fluffy and pretty and wonderful
& as I looked straight up to catch that awesome view, I saw a perfectly formed, heart shaped cloud shining down upon me.

WoW

I grabbed my phone, took a pic, put my music in my ears and ..... and ....
Nope.
It wasn't Engelbert.
It was Elvis.
He sang 'Burning Love' to me
& THAT was one of my mama's very favorite Elvis songs


Hi Ma ! ! !
I love you too !

Signs.
I'm telling you they are everywhere.
Everywhere !

Pay attention.
Notice.
Be open to them.
If given the chance to be seen, they will most definitely be seen.

I just can't wait to see what my Tuesday brings.

! ! ! ! !

:)

I Am My Feelings

Eddie

Certain people have helped shape my life.
Certain people were a part of making me who I am today.
What I believe, how I feel about things.
I became Me because of certain people.

Eddie was one of my certain people.

Eddie walked into my life as my uncle's friend. 
He was part of my childhood to adulthood.
My growing up years and beyond.
I don't really remember life before Eddie.
He was always there.
He was family.

Eddie died about 8 1/2 years ago.
He left us around Christmas.
I know this because a few short months later, Mom left us around Easter.
I called Uncle when Eddie died.
Uncle called me when Mom died
& we cried, laughed and tearfully joked that these departures were 'ruining' our holidays.

Right before he left, I had this nagging feeling that I should tell Eddie exactly how I felt about him.
I know he knew I loved him but, I don't think he realized just how important he was to me.
A phone call.
A greeting card.
A something.
I should send or tell Eddie something.

But, I didn't.
Life got in my way and I said nothing.
To this day, I sure wish I would have said that something.

I've been thinking about Eddie a lot lately.
I figure Eddie must be reminiscing too because he is hunkered down in my head.
I can feel his presence around me.

So listen up, Eddie.
I want you to know what I should have told you years ago.
From you, I learned to follow what I want to do.
To become what I need to become.
To like myself, as I am
& yes Eddie, I now know that when my inner voice tells me, NAGS me to do something,
to say SOMETHING ...
I will do it.
I will say it.
Now.
Today.

Thanks for all you were and all you did my Eddie friend.

Oh and btw ...
Thank You, Uncle.

You are most certainly my 'certain people' too.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Mr :)

I've found him.
I have finally found him
& in my mind I have christened him Mr Smiles.

This man of my dreams has the biggest, best smile I have ever, ever seen
& what's even better, he shares that sweet happiness.
He passes out smiles.

I've seen Mr Smiles a few dozen times on my evening walks.
When I first saw him I thought, 'what a pleasant face ! That man must be having a very good day'.
But then our paths crossed again
& again
& now I know he's a Jolly
& my oh my, how I do love those Jollies.

I can see Mr Smile's smile long before he smiles at me.
He shares it with others on our walking path.
I'm hoping those people appreciate his teeth as much as I do.
But, I'm betting he's getting a lot of glee in return.
He is simply contagious.
Mr Smiles happily dares you not to smile back.

He doesn't know this yet but, I love him
& I am sure we are destined to be friends.

So until we officially meet Mr Smiles, you cover the clockwise route
& I will handle the counterclockwise.
Together I know we will conquer the world !
One wonderful smile at a time.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Fess Up Thriller

I heard Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' on my oldies station yesterday.
I love that song but, it really bothered me that it was considered old enough to be an 'oldie'.
So I Googled.
The release date for that album was November 30, 1982.

hmmmm

I remember that day.
Thriller was all MTV had talked about for weeks so I was ready.
It was one of those stop everything ! moments for me
& yep, Michael Jackson's masterpiece was definitely a game changer.

Remember the 'Thriller' dance ?

I do.

I've always wanted to dance that dance.
Why I didn't learn it thirty-some years ago is beyond me.
Maybe it's because I was born with 0% dance skills & 100% too chicken to try.

yep yep
that's it

Every time I hear that song though, I have this vision of me.
Yeah. Me.
Out there on that dance floor dancing that Thriller dance like no one has ever danced that Thriller dance before.
& Ooooo I am gooooooood.
I even throw a couple extra moves in there just because I can.
Oh, Yes I Can.

... you start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes ...

ummm
oh, no I can't
I really, really can't.

yikes.

I sincerely apologize for those rather disturbing images.

Fess
Fess

:)

I Am My Feelings

Fess Up Fesses

It started with a Milk Dud
& almost a year later, I am still Fessing Up on Fridays.

my, oh my ...

& I'm  trying to make it to my one year anniversary but, I'm not too sure I can.  
Truth be told, I am running low.
I do believe you have heard them all.
I just might have to retire.

Now before you get yourself all bent outta shape and upset, I said 'might'
Or, as my dad is known to say ... "We'll see. We'll see"
I'm still thinking about it ...

For now though, just because I have nothing else to offer, here is a one year's supply of my spilled secrets.

Behold.
My Friday Fess Up List :

Football
Cigarettes
Car Washes
Food
Psychedelic Lollipops
Public Speaking
Pet Peeves
Baseball
Halloween Costumes
Messed up Lyrics
Happiness
Hopping
Eating way too much on Thanksgiving
Holiday Letters
Holiday Party Envy
Miscellaneous this & that's
Barbie
My Worst Hangover
My Ways
Nothing
Fear of Spiders
BIG HUG
Coffee
Faking Sickness
#!!#%&#!!
Blinking
JAWS
Signs
NCAA Brackets
Parking in the Boonies
Jesus
Ferns
Being a Taurus
Mandy
Hats
Mom's Day Proud
Steps
Roundabouts
Tidy Beds
Sweetie, Honey, Babe
Feet
Broken Lawnmowers
Grump
Eves
Hot Flashes
WoW
Wannabe Badass
&
Voicemail Babbling

Good Heavens.
That's a lot of classified material.

Where will my Friday Fess Ups go from here ?
Right now, it is a mystery and shall remain a mystery until another Friday is upon us ...

Please Stay Tuned
&
Please, please don't fret.
Remember, it is only a fess.

:)

Fess
Fess

I Am My Feelings

Power Off

ahhhhhhh.

Did I just get a good night's sleep or what ?!?!!
Ten hours.
Straight through.
I cannot tell you the last time I had ten, eight or even six hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Wooo Hoooo

& I'm handing out kudos to an angry bee.
I think he sank some sleep syrup into my body.

zzzzzz

Yesterday evening, right before I was heading out to catch a sunset, I decided to haul the recycle bin to the curb.
So I did.
Then I came back to where the garbage can sits and stood there for a serious minute debating.

This humongous can had only one stinky bag in it ...what was the point of moving it for one stinky bag ?
But, it was stinky.
That was the point.
P.U.
So there I stood.
Hemming and hawing about this silly garbage can.
hmmmmm.
should I or shouldn't I ?
hmmmmm
After much too much time thinking about it, I grabbed the handle to pull it to the curb.

stinky won.

& that's when the angry critter got me.
Whatever he was doing at that precise moment on the handle of my garbage can, I do not know.
But that bee was not happy that I interrupted him.

zap.
sting.

Now, I've been stung plenty of times in my life, so it really wasn't a big deal.
It was more of an annoyance because I wanted to get to my walking trail and now I had a flippin bee sting to fix.
So I walked that humongous, smelly garbage can to the curb, annoyingly plopped it into it's place and  mumbled something about Team Stinky.
grrrr

Then I went back inside the house with my brand new bee sting.
I grabbed the baking soda and water.
I made the baking soda and water paste that always works on bee stings.
I slopped that goop all over my finger
& I and sat on the couch to wait for the paste to do it's magical thing.
All the while thinking, I just have to get to my sunset.
It's gonna be a good one

& that's when it happened.

For some reason, after I took the bee paste off my finger that couch looked like the most beautiful, comfortable place in this whole wide wonderful world.
So I grabbed my pillow, a nice cozy blanket, forgot all about the sunset and powered off instead
& that was the end of that day.

They say everything happens for a reason
& I agree.

Why I needed to debate the garbage can is beyond me.
Why my hand needed to touch that handle at the exact moment that bee hovered there = Don't ask me Bob.
All I know is that I received the best night's sleep ever, ever EVER in return.

Thanks Mr Angry Bee.
I needed that.

zzzzzzzz

:)

I Am My Feelings

FlaiL

I went to an outdoor concert last night and it was fantastic.
Sister, Daughter, Daughter's BF and I saw an unbelievably awesome performance by two legendary bands.
Earth Wind & Fire and Chicago.
Oh Yeah.
It was good.

& it's no secret that I love people watching.
So this was perfect.
I find watching people at a musical event especially fun and interesting.

Now, I've never been much of a dancer.
I mean, I will and I have at weddings and such, but given the choice, I'd rather sing.
Or pretend I can sing.
So I'm very envious of the wigglers of the world.
The first ones on, last ones off the dance floor people.
The movers and shakers.
Those whirly, twirly swingers.
Yep.
You know who you are.
I call you the 'Flailers'.

& I absolutely adore your flailing.
You feel the music and you just gotta move that body.
FUN !

And so ...
I was amongst many flailers last night, including my sister who found it almost impossible to contain her glee.
Weeeeeee.

But I zeroed in on one person in particular.
This woman was into her moment, this moment.
She was feeling the vibes, the rhythms of the night
& she was enjoying
& there ain't nothing wrong with that.

I call her a flailer but, that sounds like she was thrashing about.
She wasn't.
She was simply enjoying.

Apparently though, her movements bothered the person she was with.
Her husband or boyfriend or whoever he was seemed perturbed
& about halfway through the concert he just couldn't hold his negativity in.
He whispered something into this wonderful woman's ear
& whatever he said worked, for him at least.
He wanted to stop her dancing and that's exactly what he did.
She sat her body down on their blanket and did not move.
Not once
& soon after, they left.

I'm thinking about that incredible concert this morning
& that woman.
I'm sad that her happy bubble was popped
She was bothering no one, except her negative, joy smothering nellie.

boo.

Do me a favor, Flailers.
Please keep on flailing.
Don't stop
& never, ever let anyone box up your bliss.
If you're feeling that music, you show all of us non flailers how it's done.
Enjoy your moment baby !
Cause there ain't NOTHING wrong with that.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Fess Up Wannabe

Here's a little known fact:
Deep, deep, deeeeeeeep down inside of me lives a tough, mean, ornery, hardened by life badass.
Yep.
It's true.

Don't be scared.
No need to take cover.
She's not going to cause any trouble.
She's dormant and has been dormant for many, many years.
But she's there.
She is so there.

She's halfhearted though.
Kinda wishy washy.
Oh, she may pop her head out on occasion.
Put that mad face on.
She will curse and cuss and carry on if something or someone presses that annoyance button.
But sadly, embarrassingly, that's about all the action you'll get out of her.

You know the tv show 'Dog the Bounty Hunter' ?
You know his wife Beth ?
Beth Chapman ?
Yeah.
That's what I'm talking about.
My inner fighter is like Beth.
She will slap you silly.
Grrrrrrrrrr !

maybe.

I'm pretty convinced I was the baddest badass of them all somewhere down the line.
Somewhere long ago and far away
& every once in awhile that dissident in me is itchin to get out.
So, just to be safe, it's probably best if you stay on my good side.
You can never be too careful.

Yep. Yep.

I am a Wannabe Badass
& I WILL knock some heads around someday.
Just you wait and see .. ! ..

errr
uh

never mind.

Fess.
Fess.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Pen Pals

My very first pen pal was my uncle.
Uncle Dennis. 
I was ten years old or thereabouts and he was in the Army.
I don't recall who sent that first letter but, there were many letters
& oh the joy of receiving each and every one.

I remember the days of patiently waiting on our front porch for 'Mr Mailman'.
I'd happily run that mail inside to Mom.
Here ! Here !
She would sort through and ... and ... and... YES !
A Letter !!
It was such a wonderful feeling of glee.

I'm pretty sure I still have my uncle's letters.
They should be tucked away, deep inside my attic.
I put them there years ago.
I just couldn't bring myself to throw them out so, I didn't.
My letters and I will be reunited soon because that attic is next on my list of to dos.
YaY.
I can't wait !

There is nothing in this world like a handwritten letter.
Me to You.
I'll take the time and you'll take the time and we will write to each other.
Back and forth and back and forth.
Your thoughts. My thoughts.
Your personalized penmanship.
My personalized penmanship.

awwww.
Memories.

When I was in high school my very best friend in the whole wide world and I would write notes.
I remember sitting in Study Hall bored out of my mind because Anna wasn't there.
So.
I would write her a note
& I would tell her all about my boring Study Hall and whatever else I had on my mind that day.
We would see each other in between classes or at lunch and exchange our precious correspondence
& although some would call me a letter hoarder, I'm so hoping my Anna notes are tucked away in my attic too.
It will be an awesome trip back to a wonderfully naive time.

awwww.
Handwriting.

Just the other day as I was sorting through some mundane mail, something oh so refreshing caught my eye.
It was a handwritten, no special occasion, it's not even my birthday card from my very thoughtful friend Carol.
She took the time out of her busy life to send me a card.
A wonderful card of encouragement
& the beautiful thing is, she has sent me other cards, on other days.
They are my little handwritten reminders from my very nice person
& they always seem to arrive, like magic, when I need them most.
& yep
I tuck them away in a very special spot.
I look at Carol's cursive words every time I need a boost of 'Oh Yes I Can !"
& yep
I will save them forever.

Handwriting.
Signatures.
Person to Person.
Taking the time to sit down and write.
Not type.
Not text.
Write.

Dear Me:
I think a trip to the post office is in your near future.
You need to mail out some handwritten glee to a lot of lovely people.
Sincerely yours,
Me

:)

I Am My Feelings

Hark

Christmas songs have been following me around these last few days.
I have a few on my playlist and they keep popping up for me to hear
so, I keep listening.

I usually don't jump songs.
If  it's 'Hark the Herald Angels Sing' on a hot, humid July day, so be it.
It feels a bit weird but, I'll let Carrie Underwood sing it anyway.
Or Karen Carpenter and her 'Merry Christmas Darling'

waaaaa
get's me every time

or Kelly Clarkson's beautiful 'My Grown Up Christmas Wish'

ooooo that's a good one

These are songs that I love.
I chose to put them on my playlist
& it was a long, drawn out, slow, tedious, don't ever ask me to do this again process that brought these tunes to my musical device.
Or so say my daughters.

So yes.
I will listen to each and every song in it's entirety and shuffle-y randomness.
Even if it's a bunch of Christmas songs showing up in the summertime.

I figure it's the universe talking to me.
It's giving me a lovely, little subliminal message.
I just have to figure out what this message means.

Christmas songs.
hmmmmm

It could mean Peace on Earth, good will towards men.
or
Don't procrastinate. Get the shopping done early this year.
or
Spread  that Christmas joy ! C'mon !
or
Make that Christmas list now or you'll be sorry you didn't later.

Or maybe ...
Just listen to these wonderful words.
Enjoy them in July.

Ok then.
I will.

YaY.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Monday.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Our Spot

I do it every year.
Loaded up with chairs, blankets and snacks, I arrive at the park.
&
Yep.
I know I am way, waaaaay early for fireworks.
But, I really don't think two hours is all that long to wait.

I like to get there before everyone else so I can claim our spot.
Our fireworks viewing spot.
It's a good one.
Right smack on the middle of it all.
Not too close, not too far.
Truth be told, it's kinda perfect.

My family and I have sat in the same spot every 4th of July for as long as I can remember.
In fact, if someone else ever got to the park before me and sat in that spot, I'd have to shoo them away.
Hey there you ! ! That's OUR spot.

I have no problem being fireworks ready way waaaaay too early.
& btw ...
I'm not the only one.
There are always other early birds at the park claiming their spots as well.

Sometimes a family member joins me in my wait.
Sometimes I am by myself.
Either way works for me because there's plenty to do in that two hour interval.

People to watch.
A sunset to admire.
Quiet sounds of an empty park to enjoy.
Yep.
Way waaaaay early works for me.

Ahhhh.

My silly obsession with an early arrival works out for my family too.
They can show up whenever they want with no need to wonder where to sit.
They already know.

So to those who will ask if I'm going to the park way waaaaay early again this year...?
Oh yes.
Yes I am.

I'll be patiently, blissfully waiting in the best spot of all.
Our spot.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Etcetera ! Nature

As a few of my family and I were enjoying outside this past weekend, a critter was spotted in the yard next door.
After a few minutes of debate, we determined he was a groundhog.
We named him Gregory.
Something must have caught Gregory's attention because he kept venturing out of his cozy quarters to check it out.
He had a pattern.
Gregory would waddle out, look around at the world, hang around a bit, then go back home.
Waddle. Look. Hang. Home.
Waddle. Look. Hang. Home.
Family and I decided he was either shy, lazy or Mrs Gregory kept beckoning him back.
After awhile, Gregory decided his hideaway was the better place to be.

wink wink

I was talking to my new neighbor recently.
She had moved in during Winter, so this was the first time we had a chance to really chat.
My new friend informed me that she is very frightened of insects and critters.
I told her she sounds like me thirty years ago and if she needs any help or advice, just ask.
I've literally seen it all living here
& what used to scare me now intrigues me so.

As Neighbor and I parted ways, I came across an ant hill.
I can't tell you the last time I took notice of an ant hill.
WoW.
I'm so glad I used that moment to watch those busy little creatures.
Talk about working together.
Go Team.
We should all take a lesson from that teeny tiny production line.

And I'm not sure why I do this but, I do this.
I wake up every morning between 2 a.m. and 3:15 a.m.
No biggie.
I wake up, think about stuff and eventually go back to sleep.
zzzzzzzzz
But, that's beside the point.
The point is the time.
I always know if it's before or after 3:15 a.m. by what the birds are doing.
If it's before 3:15, I hear crickets and other night noises.
After 3:15 always, always brings me a wonderful symphony of chirping.
But it's always 3:15 a.m
Not before
& it's always the same guy that gets the chirping started.
He wakes the others up with his beautiful tune.
I've often heard that the early bird catches the worm but, I never realized until recently how early.
3:15 a.m.
Like clockwork.

Awwwwww.
Nature.

Lessons to be learned, songs being sung, busy, curious, lovely, awesome, etcetera ...etcetera ...etcetera ..  nature.
It's truly an everyday gift.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

 :)

I Am My Feelings

The Water Cure

That's what Mom called it.
It was her go to for all things grumpy
& it worked like a charm.

Anytime one of her children, grandchildren or great grandchildren had a case of the whimper whines Mom would put them in water
& although a pool was her ideal choice, whatever happened to be available would usually do just fine.
A sink, bathtub, hose or bucket.
Didn't matter.
Once that child came in contact with water, their crabbiness would fly right out the window.
Poof !
Like magic.
Every time.

As I was walking my trail walk yesterday, I came across many a puddle.
It has been raining on and off, pretty steadily for a whole lotta days now.
There were quite a few raindrop gatherings to maneuver
& each time I dodged, I wondered if children still stomp through puddles.
As if on cue, along came a mom and her two daughters.
Mom and older daughter were walking ever so slowly so that younger daughter could enjoy those puddles.
Seriously enjoy those puddles.
Stomp Stomp Stomp.
Giggle Giggle Giggle.

& I thought ...
How awesome is that ?!?

weeeeeee

Before I finished my yesterday's walk, the sky opened up, once again.
A steady, misty rain came a tumbling down on all who had ventured to the park.
Everyone adult began to scramble, grab their things and run for cover.
The children ?
They preferred slow motion.
No hurry, no worry.
Those little bodies were enjoying that warm, wonderful feeling of gentle rain.

awwwww.
The water cure.
That thrilling, delightfully mystical water cure.

Works every time.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Waffles

Google tells me there are more than 1,500 Waffle House restaurants in the U.S.A.
Each restaurant is opened 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
Google also informs me that this American icon has been around since 1955.

That's a lot of waffles.

The reason I mention these Waffle House tidbits ...?
Because every time I travel somewhere by car, I see them.
The restaurants are everywhere.
In fact, I would make a fairly good size wager that there is a Waffle House at every exit I've ever exited on the highway
&
Every
Single
Time
I see the legendary Waffle House sign, I think to myself  'I should go there'.

I. Should. Go.There.

I swear sometimes I think Waffle House is calling my name
"Ooooooo Jacki ! Stop. Enjoy !"

Sadly though in all my years of travel, each time I have heard my Waffle House mantra, I have ignored it.
Next time Waffle House.
Next time.

But then along came yesterday.
YaY.
Yesterday, Daughter and I decided to walk our bodies down to a nearby Waffle House for a good morning breakfast
& I finally ate a waffle at Waffle House.

! ! JOY ! !

Maybe it's because I've always wanted to but never did ...
Or maybe it was the friendly people inside that happy little restaurant.
Maybe it's because the food at Waffle House was absolutely heavenly
Or maybe it's because life's simple pleasures really are the best

But that waffle I consumed at Waffle House ?
It was Sooooooo Goooood.

Yep.

Life's simple pleasures.
They don't cost much
You don't have to search high and low to find them
& no far away travel is necessary.
Because they are right there every single day.
Patiently waiting to be found
& enjoyed.

Seek and ye shall find your simple pleasures, my friends
& a whole lotta happy too.

:)

I Am My Feelings

& Again

There are certain people in this world that I feel I already know.
It's like we've been here before and are just picking up where we left off.

I visited with such a person recently
& it makes me even more sure of what I already believe.

This person and I met in January.
We just happened to be on the same bus
& although that bus was pretty much empty and she had her choice of seats, she asked if it would be alright to sit next to me.
I said yes, automatically
But, I didn't really give her much thought.
I just figured she would get lost in her thoughts, I'd get lost in mine and that would be that.

Instead, we talked
& talked
& talked.

After the bus arrived at our destination, we parted ways.
But after about 10 minutes or so, our paths crossed again.
My new friend knew I would be waiting for my daughter to pick me up.
I had mentioned I would be sitting at that station for awhile.
As it turned out, the ride she was expecting would be late in picking her up too.
Instead of going off and doing her own thing to kill the minutes, she chose to sit next to me
& our conversation happily continued.
Soon, her ride arrived
& we said our second goodbye.

As I sat waiting on Daughter, I thought about my new friend
& how very much I enjoyed our encounter.
& although I was thinking 'how nice' I figured that was pretty much that.
She has her life.
I have mine.
We would be a brief moment in time buddys.

Enter Facebook.
A new conversation began and continues on that friendly social site
& somewhere in FacebookLand, I mentioned I would be visiting Grandson, who happens to live in my new friend's state.
Knowing this, she contacted me about getting together while I am in town.

We did.
& it was very, very, lovely.
Which leads me back to knowing someone before.

What are the chances of being so in tune with someone I happened to meet on a bus ?
Someone who's background, age and upbringing are so very different from mine.
I feel a such a strong connection with her
& with other certain someones in my life.
A feeling that we all have been here before
& we are all meant to meet up again.

So to the people who calm me just by hearing their voice & knowing they are in my life.
To my family
To my long lost but now reconnected, life long friends
& to the new people I'm still meeting ....
I want you to know that I feel a wonderful, cosmic connection with all of you
& I very much appreciate this chance to meet up again

& again
& again

:)


I Am My Feelings





 

Fess Up Steps

I did something yesterday that I have never, ever done before
& I'm still trying to get over the shock of it all.
I refused a Hamburger Deluxe no Relish.

Yes.
You heard correctly.

I refused a Hamburger Deluxe no Relish.

I declined because it was getting into the evening
& I hadn't walked my walk yet.
I needed to walk before the sun went down you see, because I am in a competition with fellow step enthusiasts
& I needed my walk.
I needed those steps.

So yep.
I turned down the best burger in all the world and I walked instead.
oh, yes I did.

Which brings me to my fess.
This step competition ?
Yeah.
It's a little on the competitive side. 
Some would call it spirited.
Others might say it's heated.
Uh Huh.

I say It's On.

This competition is so on it has turned me into a woman obsessed.
Steps.
Steps.
Steps.
It's all I can think about.
I want them.
I need them.
I. MUST. HAVE. THEM.

I do believe I am addicted to steps.
I will do anything I can to get them.
Anything.

My !  how energetic you say.
How nice....!...
yeah yeah
That's all good and good but, truth be told ?
I'm piling on the steps because of those darn fellow steppers of mine.
They are relentless.
Unceasing.
Persistent.
Non stopping.
I'm thinking they just might be a little bit crazy.

They're crazy
&
I'm obsessed.

Oh Yes.
It is most definitely ON.

Fess.
Fess.

Step.
Step.

stepstepstepstepstepstepstepstepstepstepstepstep

:)

I Am My Feelings

! Enthused !

One of my favorite things about visiting Grandson is hearing him wake up.
His little voice chattering to himself is absolutely priceless.
Only he knows what he is saying right now but, he sure is giggly saying it !
Every morning when I hear him I think, if only the world could wake up that happy.
Happy just to be here.
Happy for a new day.
Happy for this thing called life.

My daughter has been pestering me for a year or two to go to church with her when I am in town.
For one reason or another it didn't happen until last Sunday.
When we settled in, we were told there was a guest speaker and band visiting from Kenya
& although Daughter had told me this church was unlike any I had ever visited, even she didn't know what to expect.

Words cannot express the joy of that night.
The happiness of the music.
The emotions of the songs.
It was beyond beautiful.

The enthusiastic speaker talked of the people, especially the children of Africa.
He said they may just be the poorest of the poor but, they are continually, joyfully dancing and partying for Jesus.
The faith in that building was palpable that night.
It was pure, simply, gleefully Jesus
& it was awesome.

Yesterday, as I was having coffee with my sister her phone rang.
It was a friend wishing her a good morning along with a silly question.
After ten straight minutes of hearing Sister's hearty giggles, we were all chuckling.
Friend said the reason for the question was to start his day hearing her wonderful laugh.
I couldn't agree more.
Laugh Laugh Laugh she did
& we did.
What a jolly way to start a day.

& THAT is my wish for you.

! Giggle !
! Laugh !
! Be enthused !
! Enjoy !

Grab onto whatever it is that makes your heart smile and go for it.
Live it.
Love it.
Do it.
& do it again
andagainandagainandagainandagainandagain

Happy really is that incredibly simple.

:)

I Am My Feelings