Everything

I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason.
The good, the bad, the lovely and the ugly.
Everything.
There is always, always a reason.

Stop, listen, take the time and the energy to notice.
To see.
Everything Teaches.

Every. Single. Thing.

But, here's the glitch...

Everything good ?
Oh ! that's just wonderful.
It is happily welcomed and escorted right in.
We openly accept it, sometimes covet it, forever treasure it and continually strive for it

but, then there's ...
The not so good.
The darn right hard and ugly and awful.
Yes, unfortunately, that guy is a part of this world too
& along with hard and ugly and awful often comes excuses, regrets, why's and wallows.
The reason for it's unwanted arrival is frequently buried
& sometimes never discovered.

But the lesson IS there.
We may love it or hate it.
Be ecstatic or be crushed.
Hug it or shun it.
But everything is there to teach.

The good.
The bad.
The lovely.
The ugly.
It all comes with this thing called Life

& if we open up to it and allow every single bit of it in, we will eventually see.
We will always see.

Everything does happen for a reason.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Happy ! Happy !

We were gathered at the kitchen table having dinner, when Mom let out a startled 'Ooooh !'
& after a flurry of fussing, Grandpa was called to watch the kids as Mom and Dad ventured off to the hospital.
It was time to welcome Child #6 into this world.

I was ten years old
& we were supposed to go to the circus that night.

No circus.
Instead, we received a 10 lb. 8 oz. bundle of joy, referred to as Youngest Sister.

I remember Grandpa informing us siblings that "it" was a girl.
My two sisters and I were elated.
YES ! ! !
Girls rule ! !

The two boys ?
Took them awhile but, they got over it.

Fourteen years later, I let out a similar sounding  'Ooooh !'
Husband and I were at a restaurant.
It was my job to occupy as Family decorated our house for his surprise 26th birthday party
& occupy him I did.
Husband and I drove off to the hospital as Family and Friends celebrated into the night.
We heard it was one heck of a party.

Twenty four or so hours later, an 8 lb 6 oz. boy entered our world.
It was my sister's birthday and now it would be my son's birthday too.

Sharing a birthday exactly one week before Christmas does have it's perks.
Every single body is in festive holiday mode.
Decorations galore.
Winter break.
Birthday presents and then Christmas presents too ... ?

wooo wooo.

It also brings similarities in personality.
Sister and Son are both confidently quiet, determined, patient human beings who are very, VERY devoted to their beloved sport teams.
It's the Chicago Cubs for her, the Buffalo Bills and Colorado Rockies for him.
Truer loyalty is hard to find.

My sis and my boy have taken a picture together every year since that very first doubled up birthday 35 years ago today.
Their photo albums contain quite a collection of hair styles, clothing trends and action shots.
& it's quite entertaining !
We all live in different states now but somehow, someway we find a time and a place to take that double birthday picture.
I'm sure we always will.

So today, I sing
Happy Birthday !
Happy Birthday !
Sister and Son.

! YaY !

Here's to many, many more hair styles, clothing trends and action shots.

Oh & those double birthday cakes ?
Yeah.
They were always a good deal too.

YuM
YuM

:)

I Am My Feelings

Background Music

Engelbert Humperdinck.

Yep.

He was the background music to my growing up years.
My mom loved him.
A lot.
I sometimes wonder, if Engelbert really did come a calling as Mom so often wished would she, could she ?

Uh.
Never mind.
She would.
She could.

We had a stereo in the living room
& Engelbert's albums were on most of the time.
He was there during homework and on lazy Saturdays
& his tunes were constant as we washed and dried every supper dish.
Dancing and singing to Engelbert became quite routine in our happy, little home.

Then one lovely day I heard 'Mandy' and Barry Manilow entered my life.
By that time I had my own stereo, so I played his albums continuously
& yes.
It did drive my brothers crazy.

Oh Barry.
How I love him.
I always will.
So it is really no surprise when I say Mr Manilow was the background music in my children's lives.
Those lucky kids.
My offspring will never, ever admit it but, I KNOW they know just about every Barry song.
Word for every wonderful Word.

It's true

& now, since I am known as Gramma Jacki, I do believe it's time to pass that torch.
But, who ?
Who will be next ???
Who will carry on this magnificently melodious tradition ?
hmmmmmm.

I suppose it really doesn't matter.
Fun and memories.
That's what matters
& that's what makes those crooners and their croons so darn special.

Engelbert
&
Barry

ahhhhhh,
The memories ....

Ohhhhhh,
The fun ....

:)

I Am My Feelings

Perfectly Perfect

I've probably made it pretty darn obvious that I love the bright side.
I search for good in every single situation that comes rolling my way.
Stay positive, baby.
Positive.

But today, I am treading into Negative Nellie Land.
This doesn't happen very often so hold onto your hats my peeps, cause ...
oh boy.
Here
I
goooooo ....

I am not a fan of Holiday Year in Review letters.
In fact, I dislike them immensely
& when I receive them, I often roll my eyes and moan.

It's true.
I do.

I'm talking the 'everything is always over the top perfectly perfect perfect' letters.
The family is gorgeous, the vacations fantastic, the second house sensational, the new car phenomenal
& so on & so on & so on.

Yeah.
Those letters.

My problem with this type of holiday greeting ?

It is IMPOSSIBLE for everything to always be so flawless.
It's not feasible. It's inconceivable.
Dare I say, it is preposterous ?
It goes against the law of averages is what it does.
A bad year has to occur sooner or later.
It just must.

For example, 2014 was a very good year around here.
Good stuff happened.
2015 ?
Although it's had it's share of beautiful moments, it will not be running for Best Year Ever.

Uhhhh , sorry 2015.
You just won't.

The good news though, is a good year or two always offsets a dud !
It's called Life
& that's just how it works.
Good thrown in with a few not so goods.
It all evens out in the end.

Please forgive me for doubting your yearly wonderful letter friend, but things just can't continually be so absolutely unblemished.
Not every single year.
Nope.
It's the law of averages, my buddy.
The. Law. Of. Averages.

& it's ok to admit to a not so good year.
Go ahead.
Throw a few negatives in with all those positives.
I promise, I'll still love you.
Promise.

Yep.
Life.
Sometimes it can be quite a stinker.
I encourage you to enjoy it, treasure it and pleasey please please, Infinitely Perfect Letter Writer
Just ONCE ...
Tell me alllllll about that dud.

:)


I Am My Feelings

Truly

I was born and raised by very proud and loyal Catholic parents.
My family was in church every single Sunday
& my siblings and I spent many hours in our Catholic elementary and middle school.
Catholic education was a very important part of my youth
& I have many fond memories of Our Lady of Grace.
Go Knights !

I sure don't know why but, for some reason my 8th Grade Graduation keeps popping into my head these days.
Not the whole day, just one certain part.
I remember walking into church and being greeted by Sister Humberta.
She was a gentle lady, a very loving person and teacher.

Sister Humberta smiled, hugged and wished me well
& she asked what plans I had for my future.
I don't remember what I said.
The shy, adolescent me stammered something totally irrational, I'm sure.
But, I do recall Sister Humberta saying she always thought I would become a nun.

Now, she might have used that line on every girl who walked into church that day.
Who knows ?
But, those words have been stuck in my brain for years.

I walked out of O.L.G.'s doors that day and went on with my life
& never even considered becoming a nun.
Me ? ? ?
That's just weird.

Lately though, I've been thinking about 'what ifs and would I's'.
What if I had taken Sister Humberta's cue and had become a nun ?
Would I have enjoyed that life ?
Would I have been a good nun ?
Would I still be ?
& most importantly, would I have wholeheartedly walked the religious life walk ?

Maybe it's because the older I am getting the more spiritual I am becoming but, the wiser me hopes I would have been the very best of the best.
Because this me feels if I had felt the 'call' ...
I mean really, truly felt the 'call' ...
I would have tried to be the happiest, sun-shiniest, little nun the world had ever seen.

Think about all of the spiritual people in your life.
Those who have Reverend, Father, Preacher, Sister, etc., attached to their names
& those who don't.

The ones who TRULY feel the love in their hearts and are TRULY walking the walk are the jolliest people on this entire planet.
These special beings are singing the joy of everything, every single day.
Continually dancing the dance of happy.
No need to wonder because it's there.
Right there.
You can feel the love that surrounds a truly spiritual person.
& that love is continually shared because it's so very easy and so completely natural.

Sure makes me wonder.
About me.
About people I know
&
About humans.

I would hope that, had I gone on to become Sister Jacqueline, I would have talked the talk and unquestionably, wonderfully, joyfully walked the walk
& that I'd still be sharing that love.

I sure hope the Jacki I turned out to be has done the same.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Don't Stop

I am sitting in an airport, waiting to head home after a PERFECT family weekend.

Weddings.

Wooooo weeeeee.

I LOVE THEM.

I've been having so much fun with a bundle of people I adore that I feel completely separated from the heartache and horror that is surrounding us, yet again

& now, as I sit watching the airport tv, I have been horribly awakened to what has happened in our world.

Words seem absolutely meaningless today

& I know this is going to sound incredibly naive but, I feel I must say it anyways.

Please, please, PLEASE don't stop believing.
In good.

In love.

In joy and hope.

They are there.

Somewhere in all of this hate filled ugliness they remain and will never, ever, ever leave

& as hard as that is to believe on days like today, remember good always, always, always defeats evil.

ALWAYS.

I may be banging my head against the wall and shouting from the rooftops to nobody but, I plan to keep on shouting.

Believe.
In us.

In people.
Believe in humankind.

Because the good in this world outnumbers the bad all the time, every time
& love does and always, forever WILL conquer all.

:)

I Am My Feelings 

Take the Bus Home

I don't know about everybody else but, I have songs in my head all the time.
All day.
Every single day.
It's definitely a 24 / 7 kind of thing.

I'm assuming this is normal
& if this is something I should be concerned about, I am long past the due date.
oops.

At least I know Younger Brother has the music in him too.
He and I text each other lyrics throughout each ditty filled day.
He receives whatever tune happens to be in my brain
& I receive whatever is strumming through my sibling's brain.
Back and singingly, jingly forth.
YaY.

When my son was a child, bath time always included Bobby Darin's wonderful  'Splish Splash' song.
'Splish Splash I was taking a bath..!....'
Son and I sang that melody so much that at 4 years old he jumped onstage and karaoked it in a local, summertime beer tent
& yep
The crowd went wild.

My children's names were each given a lovely, little name song.
First. Middle. Last.
Why ?
Because !
&
when they were in elementary school we had songs for just about every daily activity.
The 'Bus Song' and 'Friday Song' were most definitely the favs.

Take the bus home.
Take the bus home.
Take the bussssssss home.

It's Friday
It's Friday
It's Friday Friday Friday...

Classics, I tell you.
Classics.

On the days those darling children of mine pushed me to the edge and were thisclose to being planted on our infamous 'Bad Chair'...?
Yes.
There's a song for that too.

I. Love. Songs.
& I love singing.
Loooooove  !!!!!
Oh & btw ...
I am pretty darn positive I was Adele in another lifetime.
Oh, yes.
Yes, I Was.
Weeeeeee.

I'm so hoping all people go through life with musical notes floating happily around in their head.
It really is quite enjoyable.
And if this is not typical ?

shhhhhhhhhh.

I don't ever, ever want to know.

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala.
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


:)

I Am My Feelings