Wait

It's 4:44 a.m.
& normally, I'd be slow and steadily tap, tap, tapping these words on my laptop.
But this morning, the power is out so the internet and my sharing will have to wait.
My Barry Manilow notebook will receive my thoughts instead.

YaY

The wind has been howling, the rain constant, all night long.
Mother Nature and all her forceful awesomeness is putting on quite the show
& it's dark
& weird, no appliance noises, quiet.

I can see my big, bald tree though.
Her branches are swaying to the rhythm of those gusts
& it doesn't seem to be bothering her at all.
She has a BRING. IT. swag about her.
A 'been here a long time, seen it all, nothing surprises me' confidence
& the pond size puddles that evaporated away ?
They're backkkkkk and have taken over the yard, once again.

But.
We all know what they say about April showers ...

& oops.
The thought occurs to me that I could, in fact, power up my laptop or my phone
errrr, eh
I don't want to kill my batteries
& you know what ?
I'm kinda enjoying just staring out this window. 

Listening.
Watching.

No birds chirping.
No random electrical sounds.
Just the moaning of the wind, the pattering of the rain.
Yep.
It's pretty cool stuff, Mother Nature

& so, I'll wait for the light that will eventually be.
Because the sun will be rising no matter what this storm says
& even though I may not see her, she's there.
Oh, she is very there.
That light and wonderful bright will always, ALWAYS be there.

Thanks for another life lesson, Mother Nature
& you too Barry Manilow notebook.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Try To Try

You know when you just don't understand something and some nice someone happens by and offers assistance ?
& then, ta da !! it all makes sense.

Or when you're searching for a perfect solution to a pestery little problem and a kind soul wanders in with a simple, 'have you tried this ?'
& yippee.
There it is.

I was watching a baseball game recently and one of the players had another human being by his side, his interpreter
& I thought, what a cool job that must be.
Helping people understand each other.

I get it so I'll explain it to you so that you can explain it to him and he can ask questions to you to ask me and when he understands, he will tell you so
& then, we can all work together again as a team.
As one.

hmmmm

Sounds so incredibly easy, doesn't it ?
Makes we wish we all had a little helper following us around.

Because words.
Oh, words.

Say them one way and they mean one thing.
Say them another way and ...
ouch

Two people looking at the same exact situation in two entirely different ways with no solution in sight.

HELP

Enter:
The Explain-er, The Illuminater.
The 'No Worries' dude

& see ?
Everything's fine.

Or maybe.
Just maybe.
We could take it upon ourselves.
To talk.
To mediate.
To try and figure out.
To find that middle ground, that place of understanding, the bridge that gets us to OH ! Now I see !!
NOW I get it
& hey ! I understand YOU & you understand ME
& it all makes perfect sense.
Maybe then, we can all work together again, as a team.
As one.

hmmmm.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking ?
Yep.
It all sounds Pretty, Darn. Easy and wonderfully pleasant if ...
if ...

How's about we give try a try ?

:)

I Am My Feelings

Beautiful Days

Just as most days do, my yesterday started out to be a perfectly wonderful day.

The coffee was delicious.
The weather was chilly but, doable.
My Fitbit steps were on the upswing.
I met a new, nice person.
I accomplished everything I wanted to get done.
Yep.
Things were going really, really swell.

Then little by little by little.
A couple this and that's and that and this
negative over here
depressing over there
& wham-o
It got me.

No.
Make that, I got me.
I allowed it in.
Because it was MY choice, my call, my decision
& apparently, yesterday at least, I preferred that gray, darkened road.
boo.

BOO 

Odd thing is though, I knew it was happening, I felt it coming on.
I even commented to Husband, "I'm allowing the noise in so, I'm going to hide" before I placed that blanket over my head and advised, 'no talking until tomorrow'.

I hid.
I humphed
I powered out.  

A friend and I were talking about just that, just the other day
& Sister and I yap about it quite often too.
Letting the negatives dictate.
Listening to those darn monkeys.
Nixing the jolly.

gaaaa

So now, this morning, I'm kinda disappointed in me.
Even though I'm very aware that it's bound to happen every now and again, I get perturbed at myself when it happens to me.

I wasted a perfectly wonderful evening.
I missed a beautiful sunset
& I placed a flippin blanket over my head because ...
because ... ?

Because I let pessimism in
& worse yet, I let pessimism win.

BAH.

Well.
That was yesterday
& THIS is today.

So long, nellies.
I sure hope you enjoyed your stay because if I have anything to say about it
& I DO
you won't be coming back anytime soon.

So. There.

Bright.
Light
Good
Kind
Positive
Pleasant
Joyful
Thankful
Upbeat
Chipper

You name it, THAT'S where I want to be.
From now until forever
& by golly, since it happens to be my choice.

My. Choice.

I choose Happy.

YaY.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Together Again

A rerun with love, for three beautiful souls who are missed very much.

--------------------

There was a time when Gramma, Mom, Aunt, Sisters and I were completely obsessed with soap operas.

All My Children.
General Hospital.
We LOVED them.

But, the one we were absolutely hooked on was The Young and The Restless.
Oh. Yeah.
The Young and The Restless.

Although Gramma lived in New York, she visited us quite often
& when she did, we would literally stop our day to watch her "story".
How I loved sitting with Gramma, watching that soap.
Her very opinionated commentary was priceless. 

Back in the good ol, early days of Y & R there were two sisters.
Lorie and Leslie Brooks.

Lorie was the outspoken, glamorous, worldly sister
Leslie, although quite accomplished in her own right, was the quiet one.
Leslie always felt she lived in Lorie's shadow
& the sisters would continually bicker and jealously battle over men, fortune and fame.

My lovely, little Gramma would always laugh at those Brooks girls.
She often compared the sisters to her eldest daughters
But, Gramma's girls fussed over one thing
& one thing only.
Time spent with their mama.

Jo Jo lived in New York.
Lorraine did not.
Jo Jo had much more mama time, according to Lorraine.
& according to Jo Jo, Lorraine got plenty of  mama visits.
There was really no need to complain or compare.

Well.
That was many, many years ago.
Gramma has been gone almost 27 years now, 10 years for Mom.

When Mom died, my Auntie Jo Jo commented that Lorraine was with their mama now
& that made her a tad bit jealous.
We laughed and decided Aunt Jo would live to be 200 years old.
Lorraine finally had her mama time
& auntie knew her sister wouldn't be sharing for a very long while.

My mother must have had a change of heart.
Auntie Jo Jo left us last night to be reunited with her sister Lorraine and their very loved mama.

I can only imagine the awesome joy of that reunion.
Three little ladies, together again.
I can hear their laughter.
I can feel their love
& now it's my turn to be a tad bit jealous.

Enjoy your endlessly wonderful mama time, sisters.
I absolutely know you will.

just remember ...
When Gramma's story is on ?
shhhhh ! !

--------------------

Together for two years
& I'm still hearing their laughter and feeling that love ...

:)

I Am My Feelings

Three

From the glint in his father's eye, to the teeniest, tiniest speck in his mother's womb,
to three.
Today he is three.

Ahhhh, birthdays.
What a beautifully happy, incredible reminder of why we are, of how we began, of where we have been and what lies ahead.

A celebration of life, of being,
of THIS
of HERE
of NOW

& the glee.
Oh, the gleeeeeee.
The run around all day with the BFF, the giggling and sillies
the cake and ice cream and everyone singing Happy Birthday To You
Yes, YOU !!
and presents ...

PRESENTS
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Seriously.
THAT'S what it's allllll about.
There.
Right THERE

& THAT is my biggest wish for the little man I call Firstborn Grandson.
That smile, that enthusiasm, that pure joy of today.
THIS Today.

Because you're here ! !
& you're THREE ! !
& this world of ours absolutely is absolutely awesome

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Bottle it up
& treasure it forever
and ever and ever and ever

& enjoy.
Just enjoy being here,
being now,
being YOU.

weeeeeeeee 
Three ! ! !

:)

I Am My Feelings

LOUD Talkin'

I've been told I'm one of "them"
& they advise to never, EVER answer my phone whilst shopping, or trail walking or when I find myself in any and all crowded spaces because people will hear every single one of my rambling words.

Oh STOP.
I KNOW I'm not THAT bad !

errr
Am I ??

Apparently, yes.
Yes I am.
I am a LOUD phone talker
so, I think maybe it's best if I just call you later.

shhhh.

Not long ago, Husband and I were in a busy building where private business is often exchanged.
There we were, waiting patiently, quietly talking amongst ourselves and the other waiting-in-liners.
Mr So and So's number was called
& as he marched himself up to the desk I whispered, "YaY ! we're next".

Turns out, Mr So and So was one of "them".
A LOUD talker.
He proceeded to unintentionally share each and every detail of his super SHHH stuff to every single everybody in that room
& you can't call it eavesdropping.
Or, I suppose you can.
But, how does one not listen when someone vocalizes so very LOUD ?
So yeah, we heard.
We allllll heard
& boy, did he ever have some complicated business.

shhhh.

I noticed something recently.
No, actually, I've re-noticed.
It's a pet peeve of mine.
One of my long ago, forgotten biggies.
It's resurfaced while I've been spending some sweet, quality time with a four month old cutie
& I'm just wondering, is it me ? or do sounds seem to MAGNIFY when that precious baby falls asleep.
Like that train whistle in the distance
or that creaky door
or the neighbor's flippin car alarm ..
or
THE LOUD TALKER who just happens to TALK LOUD at that very moment.

gaaaaa ! !

shhhh.
Shhhh.
SHHHH
OK ??!?
JUST SHHHH !!!

Oh LOUD TALKERS, you're sometimes misunderstood but, I love you.
I get you.
I quite often AM you
& you and your enunciations can have the stores
and the parks
and all the crowded private, places of the world
& everywhere in between.
Just please, PLEASE not around the sleeping babies ok ??

shhhhhhhhhhhh

:)

I Am My Feelings

 

pat pat

There is a line in a Barry Manilow song that sings, "if someone would have said you're not so bad ..."
& as this lovely tune continues, the words speak of wasted time, wasted waiting.
Waiting on that oh so precious, often elusive, stamp of approval from others.

It's a great song.
Especially if you are a Barry loving, dream follower like me.
Google it !
It's called 'All the Time'.

Oh, Barry.
Oh, Encouragement.

That wonderful pat pat pat on the back.
We all want it.
We all need it.
Because it's such an incredible oh yes I can, boost me up kind of feeling.

It's been there for me on days when I've needed it most.
It's showed up out of the blue randomly on other days, just because
& I sure wish I had the words to describe the power of those just becauses.
They help in so many ways.

Today I must tell you how much I appreciate those encouraging words, those pats on my back
& yes, yes, yessssssss I know I have said this before.
But, I so need to say it again
& again.

THANK YOU.

For the keep doings
& the exclamation points
& the heartfelt 'that's a good one' ...
& the help
& the pep talks
& the shout outs
& the propping

&the&the&the&the&the&the...

&
the just becauses.  

Encouragement.
The power of that pat.
I've been fortunate enough to experience it on my good days and on those dreaded bad
& I can tell you it's some pretty awesome stuff.

If you have the chance today, tomorrow or the next, next and next ...
pass some pats around.
Go ahead.
Do it.
It will make you happy.
It will make your receiver happier.

& btw ...
I hope you realize just how valuable you are to me.
I just couldn't do THIS without YOU.

pat.
pat.

:)

I Am My Feelings