Y I K E S

The scariest movie I have ever seen ?
uh.
I can't imagine why you would bring up such a terrifyingly sensitive topic ... ??!?

eek.

But, since today is Halloween
& because you asked
& you're always just so darn nice ...
Well.
Ok.
For you, I'll confess.

The scariest movie I have ever seen and will never, ever, EVER watch again ?
"The Exorcist".
Linda Blair.
1973.

yikes.
Just thinking about it gives me the willies.
! ! ! ! ! !
There is no other movie that even compares.

Jason from "Friday the 13th" ?
Michael Myers of "Halloween" ?

No & No.
You guys should have stopped after your first go around.

"Child's Play", Chucky ?
Freddy Krueger, "Nightmare on Elm Street" ?

Oh. Please.
Those two are fumbling, bumbling amateurs compared to that creepy, devil controlled Regan.

I can still see that horrible face and I've only seen the movie once
& her voice ?!?
Oh. My.
That'll scare the you know what right outta me every single time.
I can't even think about that little girl without terror running through my veins
& if I happen to be flipping channels and her face randomly pops up because of some 'Scary Show Week' ?
Great.
Just GREAT.
It will take me months to get her perverse distortion out of my head.

oy.

Nope.
Never.
Never ever again will I put myself through such horror and cause my brain such grief.
One viewing of "The Exorcist" has scarred me for life
& now I'm going to have nightmares, I just know it.

But, I hope I answered your scariest movie in all the land query
& I sincerely thank you for asking.
Yep.
I do.

Thanks.

Thanks. A. Lot.

:)

I Am My Feelings

I Prefer

Remember Wicker Walk Man ?
He's the guy I swore I would never, ever, EVER look at again.

Well.
I lied.

I see him on my walking trail All. The. TIME.
& sometimes, I just can't help myself.
The 'give him one more chance' in me says to look.
Look at this man who always, always, ALWAYS glances my way but, determinedly refuses to return my pleasantry

& so,

He looked.
I smiled.
He grumpily looked away.

gaaaaaa

& I thought,
you know what Mr Sourpuss ?
You be that way.
I prefer to smile.

:)

When I was out and about the other day, I bumped into a person I've known since high school.
We stopped to chat
& maybe it's because I try to see the good and shoo away all those nellies but, my oh my, did this someone have a gloomy tale to tell.
Nothing earth shattering.
Just negative.

negative negative negative

I countered with my positive positive positive but, I don't think she was listening.
She was too caught up in her pessimistic spin

& I thought,
you know what friend ?
You be that way.
I prefer happy.

:)

Social media.
Oh, social media.
Like a gaper in a traffic jam, I continue to look
& yes, there are many delightful things to see on social media but, there is an incredible amount of ugly flying around out there too.
I hate this and that and this and that and ...

um
ok
but, why ?!?

& as I shut off my laptop and swear I am done with social media forever I think,
you know what people ?
You be that way.
I prefer nice.

:)

Perspective.
Attitude.
Mindset.
A tweak here, an adjustment there.

Offer that smile.
Look for those positives.
Be kind.

I promise, life is lovelier on the bright side.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Isabella

I know !
Isn't she the CUTEST ?!?!
Brother, Sis and I crossed paths with her, just yesterday
& since our trail wasn't crowded with bikes, runners or fellow walkers, we stopped to watch for a few.

Slow and steady is what she was and what she did.
Going about her biz.
Determined to get from Point A to Point B
& just in case you're wondering ?
I googled.

"Isabella Tiger Moth, Pyrrharctia Isabella.
 The woolly bear is a fuzzy, orange and black caterpillar that becomes a dull, yellow to orange moth with a fat, furry thorax and a small head ... one of the most familiar caterpillars, woolly bears are renowned wanderers."

Renowned. Wanderers.

you goooooo, girl.

Oh & this morning ?
Yeah.
I'm still thinking about this beautiful life form.

There she was.
One teeny, tiny creature doing her teeny, tiny thing in this humongous place we call Earth.
She was created to do what woolly bears do
& apparently she's trying her very best to get 'er done.

Which makes me think about me.
You.
Us.

Here we are.
Human beings.
Created to do what human beings are created to do.
Moving from Point A to Point B.
Trying our best to get 'er done.
Small.
Determined.

hmmmm

Makes me question if I am,
if WE are
accomplishing those very things we were placed on this Earth to get accomplished.

Golly, Isabella.
I sure hope so.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Darn It

I saw a mouse the other day.
Yep.
I was stacking wood in a nice, orderly pile and boo ! there he was, just sitting, staring at me.
My reaction ?
'... time to move along little fella ...'

I've come a looooooong way, baby
& this recent varmint encounter has reminded me of just how far I've advanced.

My very first experience with a mouse was in 1985.
I remember it well because I about had a heart attack that day.

Serious YIKES.

I had never seen a mouse in person before and I was beyond frightened, so I did what I had to do.
I scooped up my baby boy and got the heck out of here.
I say 'here' because I still live 'here'.
I survived.

YaY.

Husband was at work at the time so I ran over to the safe haven known as Mom and Dad's.
Dad bravely ventured back to set a trap, as I was determined to stay forever hunkered until that beast was caught.
Days, weeks, months.
Didn't matter.
Son and I were embedded.

Husband called an hour or so later.
The mouse was dead. The coast cleared.

whew.

Looking back now, I realize my incredible naivety.
To think that was the only mouse, the only stowaway, I would ever have to deal with in this house ?
HA.
Right.
Critters LOVE this place.
Time and time again they have been magnetically pulled in, determined to call it Home Sweet Home.

Like that day the wasps decided to set up a nice, cozy nest right above our kitchen.
Hardy fellas, they were.
Bug spray only scented their air.
Friendly too.
They would energetically buzzzzzzz out daily to visit me.

buzz. buzz.

It became war very quickly.
I would fly swatter greet them as they'd fly out of that ever so tiny hole.
One by one they'd appear
& one by one, I would squoosh.
humph.
& every single time I'd go in for the squoosh, I would emphasize LOUD AND CLEAR for all to hear,
DARN IT !!
I said those two words so many times that my young, innocent daughters began calling wasps 'darn its'.
"Mom ! There's another darn it !"

um
good thing I didn't have a potty mouth

As I sit here reminiscing about that very first mouse in this house, I also pat myself on the back.
PaT
PaT
Because I can honestly say each rascal visit has made me stronger.
Yes, even wiser.

So, to every mouse
snake
raccoon
squirrel
wasp
worm
bee
spider
deer
fox
coyote
ground hog
bat
cricket
rabbit
skunk
toad
opossum
&
bird that has entered this house and/or my life I say, "thanks !!"

YOU have helped form who I am today
&
I. Love. You.
I promise.
I will never, ever harm nature again.

well, uhhh.
errrr.
Spiders and snakes ??
I don't love you guys all that much, so stay away.
Please.

eek

:)


I Am My Feelings

Like That

I remember the very first time I heard 'I Made It Through The Rain', which, if I haven't told you a zillion times already, is my absolutely favorite Barry Manilow song ever.
EVER.
I swear, it's as if the man wrote those words specifically for me and the moment I was in.

'here you go Jacki, feel better'

& to this day, that tune is the one I turn to when I need the strength and encouragement it offers.

So, YaY
Thanks, Barry.

It's no secret.
I'm kinda, sorta addicted to sappy, syrupy, ooey, gooey, inspirational, motivational, Oh. Yes. I. Can. type music
& I could spend a good part of today, sharing the melodies I think everyone should hear
'cause believe me, I have many.

But, a song like 'I Made It Through The Rain' ?
One that hits right smack dab in the feelz LIKE THAT ??
Oh, those are few
and very far between
because to tug at my heartstrings is one thing, to embrace my soul is an entirely different other.

"Move You" by Kelly Clarkson.
Thanks to a certain someone who understands my brain, I have been introduced to this amazing, THAT'S what I'm talking about !! song
& if you haven't yet listened, do.
It's beautiful.
It's powerful
& it will help me help you realize why I do what I do.

I write
& I love to write.
Always have, always will.
But, there is something bigger that lives inside of me
& it's so very hard to explain.
This song is the closest I've come to my reason
& when you hear, you'll know. 

It's THAT.
Exactly, THAT.
& that !! is what I'm working towards.

To find the perfect combination of just right words.
Words that help.
Words that heal.
Words that touch and improve and appreciate and deliver.
Words you believe were written specifically for you and your moment.
Words that continue beyond my lifetime

& so, I keep doing.
& nope.
I ain't ever gonna stop
&
weeeeeee !!
I am soooooooo very grateful for alllllll the poets
and artists
and lyricists
and singers
and songwriters
and authors
and writers
and storytellers
and bloggers
and Barry Manilow-s
and Kelly Clarkson-s
and you wonderful certain someones who understand my brain.

Always keep doing what you do too, please.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Mom's Memos

I knew they were there because they've nestled in the same drawer for many years
& I'd hear myself repeatedly say, "one day, ONE DAY I shall hunker down and read those words", her words
but, it took me until yesterday to actually do.

Mom's memories of vacations past.
Her thoughts, observations, grumbles and joys all gathered and jotted in little memo books.
I'm not sure why she felt the need to document the yearly trips to wherever
but, I'm oh so happy !! her 1980's, 90's and early 2000 self did
as these scribbles and scrabbles are a treasure trove of HER.

Her pen. Her paper. Her handwriting
& have I mentioned how I ADORE the personal touch of handwriting ??
It's as if Mom is sitting right next to me as I enjoy this journey.

hi ma

She's taking me back to Hey !
Remember that contest we won in the sixth grade ?!??

Yes, I do
& yes, WE did
but, truth be told ?
It was Mom.
All Mom.

"My Favorite Place To Visit In Indiana", a tourism, writing competition,
AKA homework
which was THE very last thing I wanted to do on that Sunday evening, all those years ago.
So Mom, with her loving silliness, helped.
She nudged and prodded and came up with ways I should say this
and that
& we wrote.
We signed.
We sealed and delivered
& by golly !! WE won.

FIRST PLACE.

YaY

I got my name in the newspaper, a nifty camera. an awesome certificate and a trip to a State Park
& Mom ??

awwwww Mom.

I'm pretty positive I get these writing skills from her
& now, I can't get enough of those precious, priceless, memo pads.

She had a comic living within, a political commentator too.
She was a woman born ahead of her time, for sure.
She often felt as if she had been here before and was very much pulled to the West with it's cowboys, howling wolves and such.
She was a reader of novels and a wish-I-was novelist.
A writer.
My mama was a writer
& it looks like I am too.

The older I get, the clearer I see.

I'm tapping into, I'm understanding, I'm continuing.
I do this, I write THIS for you and with you, Mom.

& I wholeheartedly thank you for the nudge.

:)

I Am My Feelings

How I Wonder

I see it every night as I close my eyes
& every new today, when I open.

I call him a he but, she could be a she
&
Is this a star ?
or maybe a planet ?

hmmmm

No matter.
No worries.
Any way and either way, my forever friend.

I often talk to this light in the sky.
Express my joys, spill the troubles.
It's brightness warms my heart and eases my mind
& when he blinks, as if to acknowledge my words ?
My soul is calmed.

shhhh
sleep tight

A promise of a peaceful rest.
A hope for tomorrow.

When the clouds and the doubt and the busyness of daylight hide his magnificent glow, I sometimes ponder where oh where ... ?
But his assurance is undeniable.
I am here.
I will always be here.

Thank you, Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.

& oh,
How I wonder ...

:)

I Am My Feelings