Because I'm

I've spent the better part of a week following and doing and playing and cooing with my 2 1/2 year and 2 month old grandsons
& I seriously cannot think of a better way to spend time.

It's Happy.

Pure.
Simple.
Happy.

There's really no other way to describe it.

It's delight in being.
Just.
Being.

It's wonderful wonder.
It's incredible glee.

&
It's a beautiful, perfect reminder.

Life.
It's pretty darn amazing.

:)


I Am My Feelings

C'MON REF ! !

My older brother has always been a fan of wrestling.
He was watching Vince McMahon's WWF long before it was WWE.
Mean Gene Okerlund and Tony Schiavone were his Saturday night heroes.
World Championship Wrestling and all those guys ...?
Uh huh.
That too.
He was even there for the not so big names at our local Civic Center.
Yep.
If it had anything to do with wrestling, Big Brother LOVED it.
He still does.
But, be prepared.
If visiting Brother when pro-wrestling is on tv, bring earplugs.
He is and always has been very, VERY loud and opinionated about this crazy sport he adores.

Back in our growing up days, I despised wrestling.
I hated everything about it.
Everything.
It was horrible, terrible, ugly and awful all wrapped up in an obnoxious, ANNOYING package.
I remember thinking, shouting and repeating quite a few times "I will never, EVER in a million, zillion years  EVER like wrestling !"

NEVER.

& then, Husband came along
& he just so happened to love wrestling too.
He liked it more for the soup opera-ish story line and goofy drama of it all.
The characters, the commentary, the noise.
ugh
& still I said, "nope. Nope & NOPE ! ! !"
If Husband chose to watch that phony, baloney silliness, so be it.
I REFUSE.

Enter ...
A little boy.

Son was a little unsure of this thing called "professional" wrestling at first
& I can't say that I blame him.
Watching Uncle watch wrestling was quite an experience for an innocent youngster.
I remember this two year old of mine being a bit overwhelmed by this extremely exuberant man.
But, as if in a trance, he couldn't help but look
& once Son decided he wasn't afraid anymore, my world shifted.
It became wrestling.
All wrestling
& soon,
a Little Sister, who loved everything her brother loved, decided she loved wrestling too
& Baby Sister, who followed her sibling's every cue, jumped right on into their little land of joy

& just like that, the wacky world of wrestling took over my life

Thumb wrestlers.
Action figures.
Rings, belts, microphones.
Must go to events.
Pay Per Views.
Mattress matches in the living room.
Airplane spins, double teaming, submissions, choke holds, body slams ...
I've experienced them all.
But surprisingly, thankfully no one ever had to be rushed to Emergency because of a much too vigorous move.

I don't exactly remember when it happened but, somewhere down the line, it happened.
Three little people who loved that sport so very much opened my eyes.
Their glee was my glee
& I finally realized, wrestling really wasn't so bad after all.

Son, Daughter and Daughter are all off doing their own things now
& our tv never finds it's way to the MUST NOT MISS 'Monday Night Raw' anymore.
But we sure love to reminiscence about those good ol days of Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, Mick Foley ...
& their still VERY VOCAL Uncle, who started it all.

Every so often, when visiting Son and Family, I hear my long ago words echoed in an adorable new Mama's voice when she says "I will NEVER, EVER & I mean NEVER ..."
& I think...
That's exactly what I said.

But wait.
Oooooo, just wait.
If those little boys are anything at all like their Great Uncle, their Grandpa, their Daddy, their two Aunties ... & yep
their 'it took me awhile but I love it too' Gramma ...? ...

My oh my oh my.
Get ready ! cause here we go again.

:)


I Am My Feelings

A Happy Day

Not too long ago, Sisters and Daughter dragged me out of my 'But I Don't Want To' ! and into a Girl's Day Shopping Spree.

Yeah, I know.
Shopping ?
Me ?

But, it was fun
& I mean real FUN because it was more about us and togetherness and all that good kinda stuff.

So, YaY.

As we were out and about I took notice, as I often do, of people and actions and randomness 
& this morning, there are a few certain someones from that outing still lolling around in my head.

There was this girl, mid-teen-ish, standing there, lost somewhere inside of her bored adolescent thoughts
& at a glance, one could say she defined snarky.
Snark - Y.
Her eyes paused on us as we giggled on by her and her space
& she took the time to offer a professional once over.
When she spotted me and my casual, I wear what I love to wear jeans and tennies gear ?
oh pshaw
Thumbs down, big time
ugh
But, I smiled.
She smiled back

& a feeling of kind was shared.

Then there was this older guy.
um, well,
Truth be told ?
We were probably the same or very close to the same, exact age.
yikes
He looked aged and irritated and grumpy
Until.
He smiled.
A nice, bright, genuine, returning my smile, smile

& a feeling of happy was shared.

Finally, that bundled up toddler.
Rosy cheeks.
Hello Kitty mittens and hat.
Hanging onto her daddy, staring at Sisters, Daughter and I like we were visitors from another planet
& suddenly, ever so shyly
A smile.
A melted heart

& ahhhhhh
A feeling of beauty was shared.

Smiles.
My oh my my my how I adore smiles !
Simple, simple smiles.

Feel free to share yours.
Any time.
Any day.
Anywhere.

Even while shopping.

:)

I Am My Feelings

 

Riding

I assume this happens to everyone.
I'm hoping my assumption is right
& if not ... ?

errr.
um.
well.

Train tracks.

Every single time I see train tracks, especially rural, gravel road type train tracks, I get an indescribable feeling happening inside of me.
A blast from the past.
A deja vu.
A warm and fuzzy happy.

It happens with bridge overpasses too.
But my feelings with bridge overpasses are different and very random.
Some bring a feeling of glee.
Others, absolute terror.

I know. It's weird
&...
it gets weirder.

Overpasses painted a light shade of blue bring me joy
& I have no idea why.
But, overpasses with trains sitting on top = My. Worst. Fear.

I'm curious what will become of me if I ever encounter a painted blue, stalled train overpass.
I'll be emotionally torn, for sure.

oooooooowhattodowhattodowhattodo

I often wonder where these feelings come from ?
& why are they so intense ?

I've informed Family that I think I was a hobo somewhere down the line.
A vagabond, riding the rails, living off the land.
There's such a unique, complete happiness attached to those rural tracks.
A way down deep inside my soul type of bliss.
It's absolutely unexplainable

& that train sitting on top of an overpass horror ?
Where in the world would I come up with that one ?

Mom was terrified of tidal waves.
Nephew has a fear of a plane falling from the sky and crashing into him.
Daughter and Niece are petrified of horses.

Unreasonable ?
Maybe.
But it's the little things like this that sure make me wonder.
About being here before.
About being here again.

I say I have.
I say I will

& if given a choice as to what I will do and where I will be, next ?
I am riding.

For. Sure.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Really, REALLY

'tis the season again.

! ! Holiday Party Time ! !

YAY

So today, since I know how excited you are, I thought I'd offer up my list.
My List of Envy.
aka
I really, REALLY Wish I Was ...

The Dancer.
How I would LOVE to be you, Holiday Party Dancer.
You confidently know what you are doing out there on that dance floor
& You. Own. It.
You have your awesomely choreographed moves, while I have my 'way too much wine consumed hop ! hop'.
baaa.

Oh, Party Dancer.
Just. Once.
I really, REALLY wish to be You.

and ....
The Singer.
Yes, Karaoke Singer, I turn green just thinking about you.
You and your beautiful karaoke voice.
You are the belle of the ball
& I am POSITIVE I was you in another lifetime.
But, alas.
I am now an infectiously melodious singer trapped in a much too timid, grab the earplugs ! body.
rats

Oh, Karaoke Singer.
Just. Once.
I really, REALLY wish to be You

& The Smokers.
I see you hanging outside in the cold and I often wonder what it would be like to be one of you.
Strangers, united with the bond of tobacco.
Laughing, conversing, enjoying.
I've often wondered what you talk about, huddled in your Smokers Only Club
& I soooo want to know, yet it seems I never will.
darn.

Oh, Smokers.
Just. Once.
I really, REALLY wish to be You

& finally, appropriately ...

The Bar Clique.
You, my friends, are forever the last to leave.
Even when you probably should have exited the premises HOURS ago, you stay.
You are champions of the Last Call, the GETOUTTAHERE
& I so admire you and your last person standing stamina.
Night after night.
Party after party.
oy

Oh, Bar Clique.
Just. Once.
I really, REALLY wish to be You.

Yes, Party Partakers, it's true.
I envy
& now that you know, go, go, go ! and revel in some uniquely You, Holiday YOU.

Holly Jolly !

:)

I Am My Feelings

My Random Friend

I met a new friend the other day
& as I sit here huddled up with my always delightful cup of coffee, I silently giggle.

hee hee

Life.
Oh, Life.
You and your randomness continually amaze me.

I've seen him a time or two on my walking trail.
He strolling one way, me the other
& I kinda, sorta figured he was a Nicey, his broad grin being a sure giveaway.
But.
You know me, I'll smile, say Hello and go about my biz because it's alllll about solitude on those walks of mine.

Trees.
Clouds.
Music.
An occasional critter
& ahhhhhh.

HEAVEN.

So there I was, doing my thing
& I had come to the fork in the road part of my path.
Should I go left or right ?
My mystery question of the day.
ummm.
I think I'll go left

& that's where I spotted him, all bundled up and happy
But this time as we crossed paths, he paused.

"You mind if I ask you something?"

"Uhhhhh. Hang on" I replied, as I removed the tunes from my ears

& so,
our conversation began.

He's a talker !
But that's ok because I'm a listener
& what started out as polite has turned into something I don't quite understand.
Yet.

He wondered if I would mind sharing a walk with him every once in awhile.
Not too many people in the park these days, it being the beginning of the cold and dreary season but, he could tell and I could tell.
We are both locked into the long haul.
So for some completely spontaneous, strange reason, I said, "ok".

Sure enough, the next day arrived, there we were.
Two individuals, strangers.
Side by side, walking that walk.
Sharing thoughts, words.

United States Marine Corps.
Vietnam vet
School teacher
Coach
Personal troubles and conquers.
The man has quite a story to tell

&
WoW.

It was random.
I veered left instead of right.
I unplugged my ears.
I took a chance on a person because something inside of me urged me to care.

Will we see each other again ?
Maybe.
Possibly.
Or, maybe not.
Who knows ?
But I opened up.
I took the time
& I discovered a fascinating human being in the process of it all.

Yep.
Sometimes you just have to go with your gut, with that voice in your head, with that 'sure, why not?'

Thank You, Life.
Another beautiful lesson, learned.

:)

I Am My Feelings

 

Sugar Sugar

I was recently informed by someone who knows me well that I am a sugarcoating softie.

A. Sugarcoating. Softie.

hmmmm.
I suppose I've been called worse.

According to my source, I try to keep everyone happy
& in doing so, I add the sweets.
Lots and lots of syrupy sweets.

When confronted with this little tidbit, my reaction was complete shock and denial.
ME ?!?!!
No way.
Not meeeeeeeee.
But after a few seconds of intense soul searching, I confessed.
It's totally true.
I love sugar.

Love. It.

& the softie part ?

Oh yeah.
That too.

I was born with it.
It's embedded.
I carry a big flashing arrow and place it above my head.
It alerts all the non softies of the world of my arrival.
"She's here ! She's here !"

YaY

I'm pretty positive sugarcoating softi-ness is a middle child syndrome.
Did you know the middle child is the peacekeeping child ?
It's true, it's what we do.
We are also the impeccably perfect child.
uh huh.
& that's pretty darn impressive for someone who's invisible.

Yes. Yes.
I do believe I am very ok with my Sugarcoating Softie title
& at this point, I really can't see me changing my ways.

Old dog.
New tricks.

Nope.

So. Hey.
Anyone need more sugar with their sugar ?
I have PLENTY.

sprinkle. sprinkle.

:)

I Am My Feelings