Bad Girl Chair

I hung out at an airport, recently.
Arrived earlier than expected, had time to spare, so I did one of my favorite things to do ...
I people watched.

YaY.

Little kids are the best.
Their giggles are priceless. 
Their meltdowns, entertaining.
& child to child, sibling conversations ?
Infinitely amusing.

I was privy to witness one parent not so quietly interrupt a heated debate between a "big" brother and his pesty little sister.
"We are going home now and you will spend the rest of the day in time out ! "

Time out.

Ooooo the memories that came rushing back with those two little words.
 
Time. Out.

I called it the 'bad girl chair'.
AKA, the 'bad boy chair' for Son.

There is a five year age difference between 1st Born Boy and 2nd Born Girl
& a one and a half year difference between 2nd Born and 3rd Born Girl.
The feuding sisters were the last ones to occupy the hot seat
& this is why it will forever be dubbed "bad girl".
But if you happen to ask my daughters their version of this story ?
They are convinced 1st Born Boy was PERFECT
& are absolutely positive there was no such thing as a bad BOY chair in his growing up world.

Uh huh.

Oy.

Either way, WHOEVER would be plopped squarely into this spot when they were being unpleasant
& they were told they would remain ! RIGHT THERE ! until they were ready to be nice.

Some days, they were very ready
& some days ?
Oh, some days.

Nowadays, I'm reminded of the interesting conversations that were had on those infamous chairs, especially while I was out of the room.
The placing of blame as to why they were sitting there seemed to be a rather popular topic.
Eventually though, those sweet children of mine would work out their differences.
"We're ready to be NICE ! !" they would proudly sing as they handed over a kiss & happily skipped off to the Land of Compromise.

We laugh about it now.
The Bad Chairs.
Really ?
How politically incorrect.
But hey, they all turned out normal.

Sometimes I miss those days soooooo much and would take them back in an instant
& then I snap out of it and go about my quiet business.

ahhhhhh.

I think I'll people watch instead.

:)

I Am My Feelings

attention please

You know when someone really, REALLY wants attention and that repeat button keeps getting pushed ?

Parents know what I mean.
mommommommommom
daddaddaddaddaddaddad

or when a song keeps turning up on the radio ?
as if to say, 'you didn't hear me the first time, so here ya go again ... and again'

or you continue to see that random something until it occurs to you ! I keep seeing that random SOMETHING ! What's up with THAT ??

ahhhhh
signs.

! signs ! 

My most recent involve people.
People helping people in such a way that it changes their journey.
Stories told of specific moments that touch a soul so deeply, it becomes embedded within and forever guides.

Coincidence.
Happenstance.
Just because.
By chance.
Destiny.

ooooo weeeeee

I cannot describe how very much I adore these types of encounters !!
because it shows how sooooo very connected each and every single one of us are to each other.

Imagine if we all took a fraction of a second to be that shiny spark of inspiration
or if we allllll cared enough to make just one, little bitty difference in another someone's life
& imagine if we chose to continue this quest daily,
weekly
month by month
year by year.

weeeeeee.
We'd be looking at a gloriously staggering domino effect of wonderful now, wouldn't we ?

Hey.
Guess what ?

It CAN be done.
& I promise you, it's easy.
All we have to do is try.

I try.
You try.
We try.

trytrytrytrytrytrytrytry
trytrytrytrytrytrytrytry
trytrytrytrytrytrytrytry

Sure hope I caught your attention.

:)

I Am My Feelings

FAKER

Hey !
Did you know that TODAY is National Sickie Day ??!??
It's true.
Because Super Bowl festivities and a This Is Us episode sure doooooo take a toll on a body, right ?

r i g h t

ahhhh.
Reminds me of my days of yesteryear
aka elementary school
Having to go back there after any type of time off was the absolute worst
& I'm pretty sure I hold the record for low attendance due to faked sicknesses.
No wait ... I take that back
Younger Brother carries a rather impressive  "I Don't Feel Sooooo Good...!" title too.

I don't like to brag but, we were good.
Real good.
So good, sometimes we'd both be home from school with made up ills.
hmmmm.
We probably should have coordinated our strategies a bit better.

At the risk of getting the infamous 'Mad Face' from Dad, who never believed our sick schtick ...
Today, I offer up my three best fakes.

# 1.
I once attached myself to my youngest sister who happened to be suffering through chicken pox.
Everywhere she went, I went.
Everything she did, I did.
My parents thought I was being helpful.
My innocent sister just wanted my attention.
Little did they know, I had a sinister plan.
What I was trying to do was catch that itchy, spotty chicken pox from my sweet sibling.
I didn't care that I had already had the virus.
I was going to get that bugger again.
Fyi ...
I didn't.

rats.

# 2.
One morning, I took a sip of orange juice.
I then sat at the kitchen table and waited for just the right moment.
Perfect timing was the key.
My family wondered why I wasn't talking ? and btw ... you don't look so good Jacki ....
Yay.
There's my cue.
I suddenly jumped up and ran to the bathroom and "threw up" my oj
& yes.
I did stay home from school that day.

so. so. wrong.

# 3  
I was already at school but, just wasn't feeling it.
I told my teacher my stomach hurt.
She sent me down to the office.
Since younger brother and I were regular visitors, the receptionist and principal gave each other that 'look who's here again' glance as I walked in.

I knew the routine.
They would ask me what's wrong, take my temperature and send me back to class.
But, you can't blame a girl for trying.

The  thermometer always sat in the same spot.
It was in a small, tight container which was filled with rubbing alcohol or some sort of concoction to kill the germs.
The receptionist would take the thermometer out, wipe it off and place it in my mouth.
This time though, the lady was preoccupied.
She forgot to wipe the thermometer off.
When the thermometer entered my mouth I ingested the germ concoction and started coughing.
Uncontrollably coughing.
The principal and receptionist looked at me with shock and concern in their eyes.
I heard them mutter, "Laryngitis ...?? Swollen glands ??"
They hurriedly checked my temperature, which had probably skyrocketed because I was coughing so much.
... & then ....
They called my mama.
I got to go home.

YES.

Yep.
Those were the days, my friend.
Mom would hand over such sweet TLC.
A cozy bed, a cold compress, something to eat.
A barf bucket, just in case.
No cares.
No concerns.
No worries.

Until Dad came home.
gulp.
Try as I might, unless I was really, truly sick Dad could see right through me.

.....and .....

Mad Face.

I'd feel horribly guilty that he knew that I knew that he knew I was faking but, that never stopped me from plotting my next disease.

Well Dad, even though you and Mom were wise to my antics all along, today I am confessing.
I was an elementary school sickness pretender.
Yes.
Yes, I was.
& so was your youngest son ...!...

fyi, if I'm going down you're coming too, my brother.

FAKER !

:)

I Am My Feelings

Different Lights

'How we see each other'
That's the note I jotted to myself as a something I would one day write.

hmmmm

But what to write ?
I mean, I know what I want to express, I'm just not quite sure how to say
& so,
I put that little, some day reminder alongside all my other 'soon' scribbles and went about my biz
& then, out of nowhere, these words stumbled upon my path.

"Your writing seems boring and predictable because
*  You wrote it
*  You've read it like eight million times
A person who has never read it before does not have this problem."

& I thought,
'THAT'S IT ! ! !'

Exactly.

This takes me back to the day I decided, instead of my stories and poems being tucked tight and cozily hidden in that bottom, right, dresser drawer forever ?
I will put myself out into the world and see what people think.

YaY

& somewhere along this road Friend, who happens to be pretty darn talented at audio and voice-overs and things like that, offered to 'read' my writings.
He'd place them on his website and presto ! there they'd be for this world to hear too !
and again, I applauded !! yippee !!

But I have to tell you, the very first time and still, to this day, when I actually experience someone else besides my own voice speaking these words I've spoken only to myself ??

WoW

It was and is a very cool !! albeit, rather bizarre encounter
but, once I adjust ?
 
weeeee

I LOVE IT

& right there ! is my point.

As someone who doubted herself for waaaaay too long, I can now confidently say
don't be afraid to do.
If you have something to share
(and we ALL have something to share)
open it up and bring it on out !
You'll never know if you never try
& the song,
words,
personality,
dance,
silliness,
calm,
brilliance
strong,
skill
!! UNIQUE !! 
that YOU bring to the table just might be exactly what WE need.

We all shine in different lights
& isn't that absolutely fabulous ??!??

Discover.
Pursue.
Be.
Share. YOURS.

The universe and I quietly await your sparkle.

! !  YaY  ! !

:)

I Am My Feelings

My Fluffy Four

Repeated for those who understand me better than I understand me.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I'm going for a hairdo today.
Cut, color, highlights.
My usual biz
& this got me to thinking about the stylists I've known through the years
& how each one of them have helped shape not only my hair but, my life.

Eddie was my first.
He got hold of my tangles when I was somewhere in my very early teens.
My refreshingly honest friend who once told me that I have no in between.
I either look REAL good !
or ...
not.
How I adore that man.
He took an insecure tomboy and jazzed her up a bit.
He would fluff and I'd pat down
& we would talk,
just talk.

Next came Carol.
I walked into a random shop one day, for no reason other than it was close to my house.
I was asked if I had a person preference.
"Nope"
Carol took this hair of mine through those young and free going out days.
She made me all pretty for my wedding, and took on the challenge of Daughters when they weren't all that crazy about getting haircuts
& when life caused us to lose contact because that's what life sometimes does, it was Carol who put her and I back together again.
She is my friend until the end.

Lynn was with me through my Mom years.
Little Sis liked her so I thought I'd give her a try.
With Lynn, my hair stayed short and my life busy.
Our friendship was more about my girls.
Homecomings. Turnabouts. Proms.
Seems Lynn was always preparing their hair for a dance
& me ?
Oh she tried ! but my response was always, 'Same'.
Lynn and I would laugh at the thought of what in the world we would do when those sisters were done dancing ...
Long ?
Short ?
Fancy ?
nah
probably not fancy

& then I met Don.
I tell him it was destiny
& I'm pretty convinced we've known each other in another life.
We were siblings once, for sure.
We've gone to a few Barry Manilow concerts together
& each time, before I'd even ask, he made it clear that he absolutely would "do" my hair pre-Barry.
He knows I don't fluff like he fluffs

& THAT'S exactly what I love most about these people.
They fluff.
I don't
& they open arms accept me for who I am.

They have listened to my every ramble, heard all my secrets.
They've been with me through happys and sads, through my various 'I've got it soooooo figured out / I don't have a clue what to do'.
They've taken me from a young girl to today
& I am so very grateful for these carers of my hair.

Thanks for the fluffings, my Four
& each of those every little everythings in between.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Smile

Read by Ken Guidotti 

Put a little smile on your face and make it a happy day!
Oh, Hello!
What is your name?
My name is Smile.
My Mom and Dad named me Smile because I smile a lot.
Ever since I was a baby I have smiled a lot!

Even when I was BORN I smiled a lot!

My parents smile all the time and my grandparents do too.

I guess you can say smiles run in our family.

My Mom says “Put a little smile on your face and make it a happy day!”

She says that is our family motto.

I LOVE SMILES!

I guess it is because I really don't know how to frown or cry or get mad.

All I really know is how to smile!

So, I figure, if I can smile all the time, why can't everyone else?

Why can't the whole world smile all the time?

Why can't we be one, big, happy smile?

If everyone put a little smile on their face it really would be a happy day!

So, here is my plan.
I am going on an adventure.

A SMILE adventure!

Would you like to join me?

I am going to pass out smiles.

I'll give one to you.  You give one to him.  He will give one to her.  And so on and so on and so on!

Isn't that a great idea?

I thought so!

Smile at someone RIGHT NOW and see what happens.

Did they smile back?

I knew they would!

Now, keep smiling as we begin our adventure.

Hey.  There is a girl.

She looks sad.

I am going to give her a smile.

Let's see what happens.

She is smiling!

I knew it would work because a smile helps everything.

Look, there she goes, passing her smile on and on.
Okay.  One down.  Zillions to go!

There is a man.

I wonder what is wrong with him?

He looks mean and a little bit grumpy.

I'm scared.  Are you scared too?

Come on.  Let's try.  Here goes. Let's give him a smile.

Hey!  That was not so bad.

I think he looks better with a smile.  Do you agree?
OH!  I am so happy!

I knew my idea would work.

Let's keep going.

Uh oh. There is a big group of people.

WHOA.  There are so many of them and they do not look very happy, do they?

They look angry.

Hmmmmm.  What should we do?

Should we give them smiles?

We have enough for everyone, but, they are so big and we are so small.

Oh.  I am nervous!

Okay.  Let's just do it and see what happens.

Are you with me?  Okay.  Let's go!

Smiles -  Smiles – Smiles

Put a little smile on your face and make it a happy day!

Hey.  That was fun!

Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.

I knew my idea would work and with your help it was easy but, that is not the end of our adventure.

Oh no! It is just the beginning.

In fact, you have an even BIGGER job to do.

Your job is to keep passing out smiles.

Every day.  Every hour.  Every minute.  Every second.

I KNOW you can do it because it is so easy.

If you see someone who is sad.  Smile.

If you see someone who is mad.  Smile.

If you see someone who is not smiling.  Smile.

I know it can work.

I know we can be one big happy smile some day.

If everyone just tries it can work.  It really can!

I guess I better go home now. I hear my mother calling me.

So, until we meet again, remember...

Put a little smile on your face and make it a happy day.

It really works!



I Am My Feelings

Help

What normally happens just once every other year or so, has occurred twice in the month called January
& yes, you are correct when you assume I want no pity or prayer chains
& you are also spot on when you wonder why in the world I've never hauled myself to a chiropractor ... ??!??

nope.

The only reason I offer details on this back issue of mine is because I've never noticed.
I have never, ever thought to compare.
Let's just say Round 2 has opened my eyeballs and I am hoping you will hold on, as I explain.

The pain.
At first, it is absolutely unbearable.
It literally stops me in my tracks.
I cannot move
& I am helpless as to where to go or what to do next.
Like a lighting bolt, it is unexpected and traumatic and at that very moment in time, anguish and fear own me

& so, I inch my way to the place I'll temporarily call home aka, my recliner.
I take a pill to detour the ache
& I sit and hope this nightmare isn't actually happening.
This can't be real.
please. please. PLEASE make it go away.
I'm not strong enough.
I can't handle it.

Next day or two, you will find me moving very little.
As if in shock, my body will not allow me to stray.
Sit tight, stay put.
Get accustomed to hurt.

The intensity eventually eases
& I begin to carry on with the little things in Life.
Making coffee, grabbing a bowl of cereal, catching a sunrise ...
my simple pleasures slowly return

But, I call him my 'sleeping giant' for if I disturb him, even once, he will respond with a vengeance and place me right smack back on Square One
& I obediently oblige because I won't, I can't, I don't dare feel that agony again.
so yes, I tip-toe around this beast,
gently,
G E N T L Y

Until the day I decide maybe.
Maybe if I ?
Maybe I'll just ?
& I try.
I face the misery.
I make bolder moves.
I ask for assistance that I insist I do not need.
I sway.
I shuffle
but, I confidently take over the battle.
My. Battle.

& each move,
each moment,
each day
I get a little bit closer to better.

Better.

Now, I realize this is a bit of a stretch but, sitting in a chair for a grand total of too many days makes a mind think so pardon me, as I substitute Backache
with Grief.

Grief.

There is no easy way to get through
 & yes, that hole in your heart will remain.
But I am here to tell you, it will, it does get better.

Take your time.
Don't force, don't rush.
Baby step your way into ok
& I promise you, one day you will wake up to OK.

I asked, WHY ?? did my back dare disrupt me twice, January ?
Because a force more powerful than I needed me to STOP,
to ponder and acknowledge.
To write these words for that someone who's damaged most.

I truly hope they help.

:)

I Am My Feelings