Game Seven

It was November 2, 2016
Chicago Cubs v Cleveland Indians

& he wondered if I wanted to watch Game 7 with them.
'Them' being, him and Sister #2.

"You can, if you want", Dad said, "It's ok"
& I paused and err-ed and umm-ed as my brain shouted, "OH NO YOU CAN'T ! ! ! IT'S NOT OK ! !"
so, I handed him excuses instead.

well ...
Husband and I just got back from a long trip.
I'm kinda tired.
I've only seen one uninterrupted, complete game all season and they lost.
You and I haven't watched a game together this year.
I'm too nervous.

I gave the man every excuse that entered my mind with my final words being, "You'll thank me tomorrow"
& he laughed and said "ok, enjoy the game"

& then I felt bad.
We had been waiting for THIS MOMENT my whole, entire life.
The CUBS !!
The World Series ! !
GAME SEVEN ! ! !
This is IT, baby.
THIS IS IT.

Should I drive the three miles to Dad's and witness history ??
Will I regret it if I don't ?
Worse yet, will I regret it it I do ???

YIKES
The torment of it all.

Truth be told though, deep down I knew I couldn't go, I wouldn't go.
No matter what was discussed and deliberated and hemmed and hawed.
Nope.
I knew my answer just had to be no.

It's called superstition
& when it comes to sports ?
Oh yeah, I've got it bad.

So.
Fast forward to afterwards
& our beloved Cubbies won.
THEY. WON.
& yes, there was dancing in the streets ! parties ! and happiness ! and pure gleeeeeeeee ! ! for days and days and days on end
& we still can't believe we experienced such glory.
It was truly a magical moment in time.
One hundred and eight year 'curse'. Evaporated.
Just. Like. That.

Woooooo Hooooooo.

& I know you are wondering ...
Am I regretful ?
Am I super jealous that Sister #2 got this priceless time with our father ??
Am I kicking myself from here to next year for telling Dad 'NOPE' that infamous night ??

Absolutely not.
You see, I 'watched' most of that game curled up in the fetal position with a blanket over my head.
I just couldn't handle the pressure of it all
& so, I took the grown up, adult way out.
I hid.
I hid and I hid and I peeked and I moaned and I groaned and I cheered and I cried.

Man oh man.
What a ride it 'twas !

And I saw Dad bright and early the very next morning, gave him the biggest hug ever and said "I told you you would thank me"

Lucky for me though, we have modern technology.
YaY.
Because it has allowed me, him, US to experience the joy for the first time, all over again.

Dad received the World Series Collector's Edition as one of his many Chicago Cubs gifts, this past Christmas
& he and I took our yesterday to relive.

With Hamburger Deluxes included, we watched, we witnessed, we cringed and we celebrated
& it will go down as one of my best days ever.

ahhh.
Superstition.
You kept me away that warm, rainy November night but, you've handed me wonderful just a few short months later.
A random Thursday
my father
a Chicago Cubs W
a perfect moment.

Have I mentioned how life simple pleasures are truly and forever will be the very best of THE BEST ?
It's true.

Thanks, Dad.

:)

I Am My Feelings

 

Ever Notice ?

I tried real, REAL hard to talk myself out.
The dampness, the briskness, that breezy wind.

hmmmm

& I came thisclose to not going.
But, I have been to that park enough times before, during and after a storm to realize, to know

& these are the early days of February.
February !!
and it had rained.
Rolling thunder, lightning, downpour rain.
In February.
Around here, it should be, it could be snow.

So yeah.
You better believe I went

& hey.
Have you ever notice the clouds right after a storm ?
That funky way they make the trees, the ground, actually everything, look ?
As if a quiet anticipation is covering the atmosphere.
Wait.
Wait.
We're not quite sure if we're done yet

or the scent of rain ?
It is indescribably delightful

or how everything always looks so clean, so refreshed afterwards ?
Like a good cry.
The hurt, the pain, the ugly is washed away

or how after each and every time it storms, the sun appears, however briefly, with her forever reminder ?
Yep.
No worries.
I got this

& puddles ?
Have you ever noticed those incredibly wonderful puddles ?
Like mirrors on the grass and sidewalk, reflections of the world.

WoW

THISCLOSE I came to not going, to missing 
& today ?
Today, we are back in Winter, to light snowflakes in the air.

hmmmm.
Methinks I'll continue to notice.

:)

I Am My Feelings

! ! A PACKAGE ! !

Mail delivered packages were always a thrill when my children were growing up.
Especially those birthday gift bearing parcels.

Talk about pure joy.
weeeee.

Anytime out of town family would send gifts, gleeeeeeee would reign throughout our house
& whether it came days before or days after the actual birthday didn't matter.
All that mattered was that it was a PACKAGE
& it had arrived.

I can still hear the excitement in those little voices.
"! ! A PACKAGE ! !" the birthday child would squeal with delight.

!  ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

& the other two ... ?

Neutral indifference from Son.
Unless it was his birthday of course.
He is a few years older than his sisters and figured they could never, ever get anything as awesome as the sports gear or video game he got on his birthday.

The daughters though ?
Yeah.
They were a whole different story.

The girl who's birthday it WAS would run around the house feeling, singing, expressing an abundance of birthday happy
& the girl who's birthday it WASN'T would experience total and complete agony.
She did not get "! ! a package ! !"
Loud and clear, for all to hear.
She. DID. NOT. get. "! ! A PACKAGE ! !"

Bawling.
That's the only way to describe the pain of it all.
Bawling.
Not crying.
Bawling Bawling and Bawling

Depending on which daughter's birthday it was, the dramatics varied but, the 'she got a package and I didn't !!!!' reaction never changed.

oy.

After a few years of living through this torment each and every single time "! ! A PACKAGE ! !" arrived ...
Yep.
Husband, Son, non birthday Daughter and I would just ignore the distressed child and carry on with the celebration.

ahhhh memories.
oh, memories.

Today, as Daughter #1 celebrates her birthday, I am hoping she feels every ounce of that wonderful bliss known as  "! ! A PACKAGE ! !"

& even though it's not THEIR birthday, I'm pretty darn positive her siblings are feeling that exuberance too.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Dear Saint Anthony

Please come down.
Something is lost and can't be found.

My Auntie Virginia confidently spoke those words to me once.
Something was lost and Aunt Virge knew Saint Anthony not just could but, WOULD find it.
All I had to do was ask.
So, I asked.
& by golly, he found it.

I've used those wonderful words ever since.
Something's lost ?
No problem.
Saint Anthony's got this.
He'll find it.

My favorite Saint Anthony retrieve ?
Oh, that's easy.
My cornicello ! aka, 'little horn'.
It's a tiny trinket I wear on my necklace of many trinkets.
My little horn protects me from the evil eye.
At least that's what my Sicilian Polish Mom always said. 
I've had my powerful, petite evil eye protector since I was in high school
& yes,
I know.
That IS a long time.

One evening, as I was taking my necklace off, I realized my Italian horn was not amongst my other medals.
I've been known to take an occasional roll call just to make sure everybody is there.
I don't remember why I knew but, I knew I had dropped my little cornicello in the driveway.
I felt certain I would find her in the morning.

Next day, bright and early, I went outside to look for my tiny friend but, she was nowhere to be found.
I looked and looked and looked some more.
Nope.

Ok.
Don't panic ...
Don't. Panic.

I panicked.
It was time to call the big guy.

Oh Saint Anthony !!
I need Youuuuuuuuuuu !
Hurry ! Hurry ! Hurry ! Please....!

I said that Saint Anthony prayer over and over and over again
& I still could not find my precious medal.
I knew Saint Anthony would find her though.
It might take him awhile but, no worries.

So life continued.
Autumn turned into Winter.
Winter to Spring.

I would think about my cornicello quite often and remind Saint Anthony to please, pleaseeeeee keep looking.
He heard me.

One Spring day as I was walking out to my mailbox something sparkly caught my eye.
Yep.
There sat my Italian medal shining in the sun.
She was right where I had dropped her.
Sitting in the spot I had searched a thousand times.
I squealed.
I danced.
It was a very happy reunion.

To this day I am amazed.
That little medal rested in my driveway from Autumn to Spring.
That's a lot of rain, snow, shoveling and wind.
She sat there and waited patiently for me to find her again.
And I did.
YaY.
I did.

So.
What's the point of my lovely lost and found story ?
This story that I've told many times, this story which you are pretty darn certain you have heard before ...?

Because, recently, I lost my treasured horn AGAIN.
I KNOW !!
What are the chances ??!?
& this time, I truly had no idea where in the world she could be ...

In my house ?
In the driveway ?
The parking lot ?
The hair salon ?
I had been a couple different places that day
&
No no no no nooooooooooo.
Where oh WHERE could she be ?????

So I said.
Dear Saint Anthony, PLEASE come down.
Something is lost and can't be found.

waaaaaaaaa
I NEED YOU !!!

It took ten days but, you are not going to believe where I found that priceless cornicello of mine.
Underneath my office chair.
Yep.
The chair I sit upon every single morning in the room I am in and out of a zillion times a week.
It was as if Saint Anthony gently placed her there himself
& truth be told, I'm kinda thinking he did.

There.
Right under my chair.
Boom.

He did it again
& I KNEW he would find her.
Some how, some way, some day I KNEW he would.

So, yeah.
I'm a fan ! a BIG FAN of the man they call Anthony.
He's never fails
& he continually reminds me that no matter what it is I am looking for,
if I feel it,
if I know it's out there.
Just. Keep. Searching.
Never, ever. EVER give up hope
&
always, always, and I do mean ALWAYS call my buddy, Tony.
He'll  find it.

Oh Yes He Will.

weeeeeeeee !!

:)

I Am My Feelings

Domdom

Not too many people know this little tidbit about me but hey, it's the weekend.
I think I'll spill.

Way, Way, WAY back in the day I took electric guitar lessons.
Older Brother did too.

Miss Millie was our teacher.
She was a nice little lady who lived on our street.
Big Bro and I would trudge down to her house every Saturday morning.

I can tell you three songs I strummed during my Miss Millie guitar lesson days, although I am certain there were more.
Unfortunately, 'more' now resides somewhere in the vortex of my brain.

oy

The songs I do remember are

"Steppin' Stone" by the Monkees

"White Room" by Cream

and

"Something" by The Beatles.

Looking back, I'm thinking I must have been pretty good at "Steppin' Stone" because one day Miss Millie decided to put me and a few other girls in a band.
uh huh
A band.

My job in that band was to play bass.
Steppin' Stone bass.
Yep
& I can still hear that rhythm in my head .... domdom domdom domdom dom dom dom.

Were there other songs ?
Other awesome bass rhythms ?
I honestly don't know.

We had one gig that I recall.
We played at what was known as 'Boys Town' to a packed audience of boys, I presume.
I really don't remember.

hey.
Maybe the responsibility of playing bass to 'Steppin' Stone' to those starry eyed boys of Boys Town was just too much for my young brain to handle.
The stress of it all is buried somewhere deep in my head, never to surface again.

eek.

I do and always will remember the band's name though.
We were known as the Psychedelic Lollipops.

Oh, Yes.
You heard me right.

The Psychedelic Lollipops.

I was a bass player in a band called the Psychedelic Lollipops
& THAT'S Pretty. Cool. Stuff. if you ask me.

So there.
You know
& I am sure you are thrilled that I remember these things.
um
Some of these things.

You may now resume your today, filled with bright, colorful glee.

domdom.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Inside Out

& while we are are the topic of following your heart and listening to that inner voice ...

One of my most cherished and preferred, although some would say corny, 'go to' sayings has always been about the inner self.

'She needs to be happy with her inner self '
or
'It's obvious he's not happy with his inner self'

I'd pull these profound phrases out every time I'd see an out of control celebrity going off, yet another, deep end.
I'd use it too, on us regular folk.
Anytime I'd witness someone behaving, acting, being ugly
&
although they wouldn't utter it aloud, I'm sure my kids got to the point of  'yeah yeah yeah. blah blah blah ... inner self"
It was and remains one of my very favorite things to say.

Because it's true.

How can we ever be really, truly happy on the outside if we're not feeling it on the inside ?
It's impossible I tell ya, impossible

& I speak from a long, hard road of experience.
I can't tell you how long it took my 'outside' to finally sync with my 'inside'.
Years.
Years where I thought I had it all figured out, where I looked like I knew what I was doing.

errrr
WRONG.

But, when I did slowly, surely, eventually align ...
Yahoooooooo !!
It's all been good ! very, very good from there.

Because I'm happy.
Happy with the outside but, more importantly, happy with the inside.

A million zillion dollars can't buy it.
Fancy smancy houses won't disguise it.
Makeup will never, ever cover it.
Power, fame and this and that and that and this may pretend but, cannot resolve it.

Nope.

Because it's alllllll about the inside.
Get that inside right and the rest of the world will just fall into place.

"She needs to be happy with her inner self"

She is.
She really is.

& I'm glad I finally listened to my own advice.

:)

I Am My Feelings

Wake Up Wake Up

Sometimes this is so incredibly easy.
Writing words, I mean.
I wake up, I get moving and I seriously cannot express what I need to express fast enough
&
other times ?

oy

Other times.

Today is a writer's block day.
One of those why bother ??
One of my 'I got nothing'.
Nothing
& could someone please remind me whyyyyy I continue to do what I do ??

So, I figure, eh,
I'll just start.
I'll get my thought process revved up and see where it goes from here.
So, errr, yeah.
Here I go.

& you know what I'm thinking and thinking and keep thinking about ?
I'm remembering the days when I'd "have" to get up early,
this early.
When I would prepare for my day at the crack of dawn and how very difficult it was to get myself up and moving to go to work.
To get to work.
To do what needed to be done.

I'd set that alarm for 4:50 a.m. every single day
& I would plead for that clock to please, PLEASE move slow every single night
& it's not that I didn't love what I was doing, I did.
Oh, I truly did !
I adored every child, every thing about the child care career that I chose.
It was ME and what I was meant to do.
But, on that day that I decided I didn't want to DO anymore ?
& I began what my heart had been telling me all along ?

Yeah.

I'm lucky
& I KNOW I'm lucky.

Now I awaken earlier than I ever have in my whole entire life and ...
I write.
I write and I write and I write
& sometimes I have a point to make, sometimes I'm just trying to brighten a day and sometimes, like this, like now, I ramble.
I ramble about nothing and everything.
About things that are important to me, the little bitty things.
Things that matter, really, REALLY matter to me.

& you know what ?

YOU matter to me
& THIS matters to me
& I just need to say, to acknowledge.
Because if not for YOU and the things you do to keep me moving along, I would not be here.
It is as simple as that.

So thanks.
Thank YOU.

I hope you continue to visit, to read, to enjoy these words of mine because THIS and YOU are why I happily wake up and do what I do
& THAT truly means the world to me.

Oh & on those days, these days when it seems I do nothing but babble an incoherent babble ?
Just hang in there please.
I promise I'll get over my writer's block soon.

:)

I Am My Feelings