Oh. NO.

It's been almost two years.
TWO YEARS since this last happened
& I swear, all I was doing was sitting at my laptop writing my blog, just like I do every morning.

Suddenly, completely out of nowhere.
WHAM
A back spasm like I've never, ever felt before.

Oh No.

No No No No NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

This can't be happening, I told my brain as it tried desperately to keep my body from blacking out.
Please.
No

& PANIC.
Panic was surely setting in.
Not now, not this week, or next week or month.
I've got way, wayyyyy too much to do.

Thanksgiving !
Birthdays !
Christmas !

OH NO.

But, Life's answer was a big, fat Yes.
A STOP me dead in my tracks YES.

Ok.

OK.

okokokokokokok.

I'll stop.
I have no other choice, at least at this moment.
So, ok.
OK.

But, I couldn't.
I just couldn't.
There's just too much going on !
How in the world will I get it all done ...
How in the world ...?!?

& as my mind completely spiraled out of control, my body tensed
& my aching back did it's very best to deliver it's point and it's pain.

Oh. NO.

If I could just move, even a little bit, I bargained.
I promise I won't overdue it.

Nope.
You are going nowhere was the reply.

& so, I sat
& ached and aspirin-ed and begged.

A glass of Carlo Rossi Rhine wine at 10:30 in the morning helped, at least it relaxed my mindset and eased the dread
But still, I pleaded ...
 if I can just make it to the bathroom and then to my recliner ...
I PROMISE, I'll pause and cease my worry

Nope.
You are staying where you are sitting until I tell you different, screamed my body.

& I am doing just that.

I'm Stopped.

& now it's a new today.
24 hours later and I'm still a slower than slow moving turtle.
But, you know what ??
Everything and I do mean everything happens for a reason
& as I'm sitting here this morning thinking WHY ME ???
Shhh.
My answer awaits
& I realize that I just received a really, REALLY good lesson in patience, determination but most of all TRUST.

Yes, Trust.
 I choose trust.

Denying, fighting, bargaining, cursing, crying
& yes, even my 10:30 a.m. glasses of wine helped but, when I decided to trust this oh so crazy path I'm on ?
I am relaxed.
I am healing
& I am convinced and calmed by the fact that everything will be just fine.

Tough lesson, Life.
But, thank you anyways.

:)

I Am My Feelings